A co-worker that I'm only civil with is getting married. A lot of my closer co-workers have been invited and are going to the wedding. The bride-to-be has actually discussed the wedding and the guest list in front of me on numerous occassions which has actually offended me.
However, one of my other co-workers (who was not invited nor going) has notified us she is collecting for the Bride. Should I contribute, and if not, what should I say when the collector comes calling?
2007-02-05 08:25:27 · 20 answers · asked by omg_sotrue 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I'd say no--there are a hell of a lot of do gooders in our offices that think they are the appointed ones to go around and collect for every little charity or event or gift. If you don't want to give a gift, then don't. And when MS. busybody comes along, and she asks you, just say no. And nothing more. Anything else just adds fuel for her to spread to others. Been there.
Since the coworker did not invite you to the wedding, she should not reasonably expect a gift from you. You should only give gifts to people when YOU want to give them, and only then if you can afford them.
2007-02-05 08:46:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
By your own admission you have stated are only civil with this co-worker so I doubt they would be expecting a gift from you. In the same way that perhaps you needn't have expected an invitation to this special occasion. It is more than understandable your co-worker would discuss the wedding with her colleagues as this is an exciting time in her life but if the ongoing conversation became too much (in the same way it can when somebody is having a baby), then it is okay for you to ask for the wedding-related chit chat to be kept to a minimum. I have done this myself with work colleagues and when most people realise they are wedding consumed, and are happy to tone it down a notch or two!
It is seems obvious you are not interested in contributing to the wedding gift so why do so if the good intent is not there? When the Collector comes calling, politely decline. And if they have an issue an with your non-contribution, that is there problem not yours. You are not responsible for how somebody else feels or thinks.
2007-02-05 09:32:13 · answer #2 · answered by LiverGirl98 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I will be getting married this summer, and I will not be inviting everyone I come in contact with at work. I also do not feel like I should not be able to discuss my wedding plans, etc, with people. Since you use the word "CIVIL", it would seem that there is bad blood between you and the bride to be. If what you meant was yours is just a casual work aquaintance and not a friend ship, ok. But either way, the bride to be is under no obligation to invite anyone to her wedding that she does not wish to be there, OR can not afford to have there. Most brides have a limit on guests, so naturally choose those they are closest with. As for the lady passing the hat, you could just politely decline to particpate. There is no reason to make a big deal out of this. Your use of the words civil and offended lend me to believe that you two just do not get along.
2007-02-05 08:44:42 · answer #3 · answered by polkadot5355 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't give her anything. You said you are only civil with her, you're not really friends. She has offended you and I agree, what she did was rude. What she has planned for her wedding and guest list shouldn't be discussed in front of people if not everyone is going. Plus, if it was at work, why didn't someone say something to her about it? If the bride wanted anything from you, she would have invited you. If she comes along and asks if you'd like to contribute, just tell her you are sending a card along with one of your friends who is going or just tell her straight out you're not comfortable participating. This is what I would do though, so what you really end up doing is totally up to you.
2007-02-05 08:41:01 · answer #4 · answered by Jen G 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The only reason you should ever give a gift is because you want to. If you don't feel close enough to the bride to want to give a token to celebrate her day, you shouldn't feel obligated to do so.
On the other hand, you have no reason to be offended when she talks with others about her wedding plans if you aren't close enough to drop a few dollars into the group gift collection. If she were sharing plans for her family reunion celebrating her Aunt Gertie's 100th birthday would you be offended? Would you feel left out? You can't have it both ways.
If you choose not to chip in when the collection plate comes your way a simple "I've made other plans." will suffice. You needn't elaborate that the other plan is to spend your money on yourself or someone you like more than the bride.
2007-02-05 11:54:58 · answer #5 · answered by Lady E 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you don't want to contribute, don't. Unless you're the only one at work who doesn't give her anything, I really don't think that the bride is going to notice. If she were somebody who you just have a distant relationship with, I might suggest that you chip in a few bucks just to be part of the gang. However, it sounds like she gets on your nerves, so why bother? The suggestion to say, if asked, that you are going to do something else and not specify what is a good one.
2007-02-05 15:36:21 · answer #6 · answered by pag2809 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're friendly with the bride, put in 2 or 3 bucks tops. If she wanted a gift from you, she could invite you to the wedding, and thats what you can tell the one who comes around collecting!
2007-02-05 11:28:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes it is a great idea, if you want to make it realllllly special, go to the dollar store and buy a coffee mug (or use one out of your cabinet, just be sure it does not have any cracks or chips on it), then get a couple packets of those one cup servings hot chocolates (you can buy a box of swiss miss or nestles for about a dollar - use 2 or 3 packets tucked inside the cup and you will have the other 9 or 10 leftover for yourself!!!) then use a sheet of tissue paper or some newspaper or paper towels and wrap that around the cup then stuff it into a lunch bag sized paper bag, if the bag is real plain you can decorate it with drawings of marshmallows :)
2016-05-24 19:12:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are under no obligation whatsoever. What to say? Say merely that you decline. The "collector" may be trying to show up this bad-mannered bride by taking "the high road" and making a generous gesture towards her. It's a hollow gesture, though, and I suspect it will be wasted on this oafish girl. Send a card if you wish, but otherwise - follow the bride's example. You were ignored - so, *politely*, simply ignore the event.
2007-02-05 08:36:09 · answer #9 · answered by Basia 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It's completely up to you if you want to give her a gift. If you choose not to go in on the joint gift with your co-workers, just tell the person collecting that you are giving her something separately. Then, you can either give her something or not, whatever you choose. She may not have invited you beause, as you state, you are only civil with her and she couldnt' afford to invite everyone she wanted...however, this does not excuse her from openly discussing her wedding in your presence if you are not invited. On that note, though, one bad turn does not deserve another...if you don't want to give her a gift, maybe just send her a card with good wishes on her wedding day.
2007-02-05 08:42:32 · answer #10 · answered by Kate L 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋