A wile back i asked about my dad,that he was rasisist.I had the worst feelings about him and what he was doing to my sister and her baby"the baby is part native" i thought there was nothing wrong with that but my dad did,so it got to the point were i would ignore some of his phone calls and pretend i was not home some days.I would roll my eyes when i would see him coming...i know i was bad,i know that now,because on Dec.22/2006 he passed away,and the night befor i did not answer his call.The pain is unberbel...I JUST WANT TO SAY I'M SORRY TO HIM.
2007-02-05 08:23:29 · 12 answers · asked by MARTHA W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First i wanna send my condolences to you for your loss. (i've lost my parents as well, & the pain is tremendous). The best thing & really the only thing you can do is forgive yourself. You have to forgive yourself. I am sure that your Dad knew you loved him, no parent & child will agree all the time about everything, that doesn't mean they don't love each other. I understand your feelings of "guilt". Maybe you could write your Dad a letter,pour your heart & soul into that letter, and then read it to him, even if you have to go to the grave site - where ever you'll feel closest to him, & read it to him. Once you've read it, tear it up & get rid of it, symbolizing leaving the guilt, pain & shme of the past behind, & moving forward to forgiveness. Your Dad would want you to forgive yourself, move on & be happy. & To honor your Father, his contribution to your life, & his memory this is the best way to do that....
Continue to pray & seek refuge with your closest friends/family. Don't bury your feelings or try to hide from them, as they will eat you alive. Good Luck
2007-02-05 09:51:55 · answer #1 · answered by rjsluvbug 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The tongue can be sharper than a two edged sword. Thank goodness thought that God is a forgiving God. You were being human, and we humans sometimes do wrong things.
But lets look at this, you were being a bit disrespectful, and if he would have lived you would have still stood up for your sister, because what he was doing was wrong to. You cannot let this eat you alive. You have to get on. Just ask God to forgive you, and then you forgive yourself, it will always be with you a bit, but you can work your way through it.
I am sorry for your loss, I know just how you feel, I lost both my parents not long ago, and I do have some regrets, the same with my brother. We all do. I know you will hear this a lot, it will be OK and you will get passed this, the pain is deep but it does ease in time.
Look back on the good memories, and try not to look at the last one at all. One other thing you can do, just for yourself, write a note to him, you might want to take it to his grave and read it to him, or you can just keep it for you and only you. I wrote a letter to my parents and it was very helpful for me. Seeing a counselor will help with your greif as well.
2007-02-06 00:20:12 · answer #2 · answered by trhwsh 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry you are feeling so bad over this. Part of the guilt is normal. However I know what you are saying and not being a professional, I don't know just exactly how to say what I want to say.
I think you need to seek professional help or go talk to the pastor of your church. One thing you & I can tell others is to settle your differences with your loved ones before they die. We never know when that will be.
I will pray for you to feel better and I also pray that someone will give you an answer here that brings you comfort.
God bless you.~~~``Jill
2007-02-05 17:31:29 · answer #3 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Racism is a really bad thing... I'm sorry to hear that your dad passed away, but what is done is done hun, he made his choices and he could have left a voice mail and gave you the option to call him back. Death is a part of life....my mom has be really crewl to me in a lot of ways...she is going into surgery on tuesday and the doctors gave her a really small chance to make it out alive. I though long and hard about going up before her surgery...and I am going, though I don't really have the money to do it, but I do not regret any part of our disfunctional relationship....she made her decisions and I made mine....If she dies in the hospital, I will be really sad, but she will know that I love her...just like your dad knew that you loved him even though It was a tough time in your life....Don't blame yourself, Im sure he dosen't blame you!
2007-02-05 16:36:49 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been there myself! It's ok that you don't share the same views on things. Just come out and apologize for the way you treated him but let him know your views are different. I had to learn the hard way that my parents are people too, and that my views are going to be different because I'm a different person to them, you know? When I had a similar argument with my dad years ago, I hung up on him and didn't talk to him for days. He actually apologized first and we both agreed we had our own views. Sometimes things like that happen. =)
2007-02-05 16:54:31 · answer #5 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really can't sit here and tell you that I understand how you feel because I don't.
But don't beat yourself up about this.
You could have talked to him and told him how you disagree with how he was acting against your sister.
I mean you have to think of it like you were just upset with his actions towards your sister. Some people still can't except those things.
I really am sorry for your lose.
I don't know what religion you are but try praying about it.
God can bring you peace on this.
2007-02-05 16:38:50 · answer #6 · answered by Boo8081 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He already knows you are sorry and I bet he is sorry too for putting you in a very difficult situation.Forgive yourself I am sure your dad would not want you to worry your life away.peace
2007-02-05 16:41:40 · answer #7 · answered by frogenstien 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry you missed a chance.
But would you have argued over his racist ideas and perhaps ended on even worse terms.
Just go to his grave or memorial and say your things.
i loved mine and missed saying so close to the end even though i had warning. was shy.
2007-02-05 16:31:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
theres nothing left for you to do but go on with your life. self pitty will get you no where at this point. Sorry for your lost but time will pass and you will learn to live with it
2007-02-05 16:30:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should talk to god and let him know how you feel.that you feel sorry that you were not able to tell your father how sorry and that you loved him.that helped me to deal with my gilt,so get down on you knees and let him know,i'm sure he will hear you.
2007-02-05 16:41:21 · answer #10 · answered by sunshine57 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋