How do you clearly state that you don't want children at your wedding?

Question

I am having a very formal wedding and we are not inviting any children due to cost and the fact it's not a child friendly place.
I would like to put it somewhere- maybe on the reply card?
Can I just state "No Children Please."

Please give me your thoughts on the WORDING, I don't need a lecture on "how important kids are" or how they should be invited. As I told my fi step sister- if you don't like how we are planning our wedding, that we have to pay for.... then don't come.

Answer 1

Just address the invites to exactly who's invited. IE, John Doe or Mr and Mrs John Doe or John Doe and Guest. If "John Doe" was invited and responds with two people, call and say "Due to the venue space constraints as well as formality of the hall, we are unable to have kids/another person. Sorry...." Technically, it's not "polite" and not of good etiquette to say "no kids" (or however you word it).

If you are worried about inviting "John Doe and Guest" and having JD bring his child as a guest, I suggest wording on the reception card (or response card if you're not having a reception card) as follows: "Adult Only Reception." I think that sounds more forgiving than "No Children Please." Of course, even with wording like this Uncle Joe is going to call you and say, "Does this mean Junior isn't invited?!" When that happens, you MUST stand firm and say, "No, Junior isn't invited. Sorry, but it's a formal and the venue does not appreciate children" DON'T say, "I wish I could but...." because dense Uncle Joe will think that means you do want Junior there and will bring him anyway. (I have dense "Uncle Joe" who's brought his three "Junior"s to keg parties and other things like that because I didn't say "They're NOT invited" when he called. I said, "Umm, gee, well, see, the thing of it is...")

I know you said you don't want a lecture, but I want to let you know, I agree with you on the no kids thing!! I'm not paying an extra $50 per head so the 25 children I "should" invite can munch on mac-and-cheese while their parents get trashed. I think if they're left home the parents will have more fun anyway. It's a date night for them!

Answer 2

Assuming children are welcome at the church ceremony, the reception card may include the language, "Adult reception to follow at....."

Do not be shy about excluding children from the reception. Many mothers would be delighted to have an adults only evening. Also, adults who drink do not always act appropriately in the presence of children, so an adult only reception can be for the benefit of the children and not a slight to them. If you can arrange for childcare or a children's party you would make a good impression. Some hotels that host weddings provide a separate room for a children's party. If you and the groom drop in once or twice to say hello to the children, they will be delighted.

The printer who makes up your invitations will have books full of sample wording you can use. They have dealt with this and many other wedding-related requests and they are a good source of advice.

Answer 3

The owrding I used on an invite (although it was a shower not a wedding) was "An adult ladies affair, no children please" How about "An adult affair, no children please"

I agree put it on the reply card, they are more likely to read it there. If you can swing it have the printer put it in smaller italicized writing.

Just a note though: people may ask or assume that certain aged kids might be allowed, like 12 and up. So be prepared for that and be sure to address the inner envelope to specifically who is invited.

PS I'm with you! Weddings are no place for kids. And it doesnt make you a child hater either. (I have two of my own, so I am a kid lover. There are just some places they dont belong. A wedding is one of them.)

Answer 4

I completely understand how you feel, I had a similiar problem when I got married. I followed what people had advised me, which was on Reply card, "Mr. and Mrs. XXXX", or for a single person, just Miss XXX and guest. In addition, I had both moms involved pass the word along. It was terrible, I had several families add the kids names to the reply cards when they sent them back, and 2 actually just brought the kids along without discussing it beforehand. I wound up having to rent a room, and hire a babysitter to watch the kids, so they would not be in the main ballroom for the ceremony. I simply did not want kids to get underfoot, or loud from boredom during a very formal evening reception. No, I am not a child hater, the reception I had was not appropriate for children, we had a string quartet, not a dj for kids to be able to dance and run around to. If I could do it over again, I would have stated something to the effect of the formality of the event, such as "BLack Tie", or the adult palate menu being served.

Answer 5

One site said this:
"Be sure to use the proper wording on the wedding invitations when Indicating that the reception is to be adults only by having the words "Adult Reception" printed along with the reception location and time."
http://www.superweddings.com/interview_ocalastarbanner_1201.html

But on another site said this:
"Q: How do I indicate on my invitations that a wedding and the following reception is for adult guests only?

A: You should not print "no children" or "adults only" on an invitation. The way your invitations are addressed indicates who is and who is not (by omission) invited to the wedding."
http://www.beautifullyhandmade.com/etiquette.htm

So there you go. No one really knows what is appropriate and what is not. Take your pick. Personally, I would be VERY literal with my invitations. I wouldn't think I could count on people taking a subtle hint like the second example.

Another link that had a good story and advice:
http://www.wedaholic.com/archives/how_to_invite_children_to_the_wedding_ceremony_only.php

Answer 6

I would put it on the reply card. I would say "Due to limited space and facilities, we are requesting that children not attend." Be very clear. Good luck, you are going to get a boat load of crap on this. Everyone thinks their children are perfect, and everyone wants to see them. That they won't take up much space and won't eat much. That's not the point. This is your wedding, do what's important for you. In 5 years, the parents won't even remember the kids weren't there. Tell anyone who says anything, that this is a perfect night out, without the kids.

Answer 7

We went to wedding - the bride's father paid $25.00 per plate for the catering. I can see your point.

Come out and celebrate our wedding (The bride and groom request that children be left with a baby sitter due to limited banquet hall space).

Answer 8

It is TOTALLY understandable to not want children at such a grown-up affair! Although it is not "correct etiquette" to include a line anywhere in the invitations about it, I think that you should. You could also employ the help of your mother and his, to spread the word when the topic of your wedding comes up.

Some wording ideas;
1. Due to the nature of the event, children are not invited.
2. Due to venue restrictions we regret that we cannot accommodate children at the reception
3. Adult Reception following ceremony

Answer 9

your wedding you choice So no children under the age of 17 please. I do not believe you should have to explain your self to every one. If they phone and ask tell them the the truth the cost as well as it is not a child friendly place. I do not believe you should have to provide child care on top of every thing else, Yes you may lose a few people but it is their loss as well

Answer 10

We recently had a tenth wedding anniversary party and we had the same problem (we packed our own kids off for the night too).

On the invites we put "No presents - no kids - just you!" (although for a wedding, you might actually want the presents, so you might need to reword!).

To ram it home, when people asked what was the dress code, I just told them "no kids", but then again you probably do have a dress code, so maybe it's "no jeans, no kids".

Enjoy your day!