Do you think that it is OK for parents to drink socially in front of their children?

Question

When my husband and I were out with friends this situation came up. One of the mothers was drinking at a social event and getting visibly drunk (not out of control, slurring her words and lauging more than usual) with her young children present. Some of the other parents (mothers especially) didn't like that she was drinking in front of her kids.

I felt that this was a double standard because the fathers were drinking as well and no one said anything about that. Plus her husband was the one driving that night.

What is your opinion on this subject? Is it ok to drink socially (I'm not talking fall down drunk) in front of the kids and do you think that there is a double standard when mom drinks vs. dad?

Serious answers only please!

Answer 1

I don't think that there is anything wrong with either parent drinking socially.

I feel that if children aren't exposed to the use of alcohol in a controlled environment, in other words, seeing their parents use it and stay in control, when they are exposed to it for the first time, they could use it excessively. In other words, they can learn by the example being set by their parents. And also if they see their parents getting drop dead drunk, they learn the wrong way to use alcohol.

Answer 2

Let's start with there should be no double standard. There is no reason to differentiate between men and women, except for issues of breastfeeding.

In my opinion, it not acceptable to get drunk in front of young, but cognizant, children. If your infant sees you drunk, I don't think it's a big issue. AS LONG AS YOU HAVE SOMEONE THAT HAS NOT BEEN IMPAIRED CARING FOR THE CHILD.

However, when you children become more cognizant, say at 12-15 months, I'd encourage caution. Children this age will pick up the funny behavior of someone that's drunk.

My opinion is that a glass of wine with dinner is fine, however. Or a drink or two at a party. But not more.

It is 100% unacceptable for "the husband" to be drinking to the point of being (mildly) drunk and then driving. Period.

It is not acceptable to have small children around people that are falling down drunk. Too dangerous.

Answer 3

I live in a small community in the northern Midwest and drinking is practically religion around here. I am made very uncomfortable by the "Do as I say, not as I do" double standard that parents seem to feel is an acceptable message for their children. I think that people here seem to have justified their behavior to themselves simply because drinking is not illegal and since most parents have abdicated their roles, they use societal defaults to plug in instead. I prefer to rely on my own internal moral compass. I think for those who will drink in front of their kids (I do not, my husband does,) the boundary line should be based on behavior. If a couple of beers/cocktails do not effect a noticeable change in your behavior, then it might be tolerated. If your child sees you behave differently then you normally do, it's probably not alright. The problem is, when you're drinking, will you notice when you cross the line? That's why I don't. As for man v. woman, I can only say that my husband is a very large man whom I have known for many years and even I cannot tell if he's had a drink or how many. If he drinks a couple of beers, I know my children do not see him behave inappropriately or even unusually. And I can assure you, if that weren't the case, it wouldn't happen again.

Answer 4

Only if you want your children drinking socially when they grow up. Honestly, there are a few kids who don't make that "if mommy and daddy did it, it's okay for me." connection, but I saw my mom drinking socially when I was a kid, and it lead to the same for me, which lead to a 5 year spree of alcoholism. And no, it wasn't entirely her fault, in fact, very little blame falls on her for it, body chemistry and my lack of willpower falls greatly into it. But I couldn't help but wonder when I was a kid, if mom and dad told me alcohol was a bad thing, why did they drink it? I really do feel that if there's drinking going on, the children shouldn't be around, until they're old and mature enough to understand that there's a difference between drinking in moderation and getting falling-down drunk. Of course, whether the child is mature enough is entirely the parent's opinion, and their decision. But no, I totally wouldn't have approved, either. And no, there isn't a double standard, in my opinion, neither parent should drink (socially or otherwise) in front of their children until that level of maturity is reached. I know a lot of people will probably disagree with this, but keep in mind this is just my opinion. Thanks :)

Answer 5

I think adults should not get drunk in front of the kids but if they wish to have a drink or two there is nothing wrong with that-the children will learn that drinking requires responsibility and self control. I think that as long as Mom was sober and able to take care of the kids then people thought it was ok for the guys or actually vice versa but neither parent should be drunk in front of any children.

Answer 6

Personally I think it's only appropriate once in a while. And only if your just having one drink at dinner or a friends house. I go over to my friends house (she live 2 houses down from me) on a Friday night and have a glass of wine. I don't think it's appropriate to get drunk or even tipsy in front of your children. And I would never have even one drink if I was driving!

I do think in some circle's there is a double standard when it comes to men and women drinking in front of their kids. My husband make it a point to not spend time with people that drink a lot. It's just not the kind of company that we like to keep.

Answer 7

I see it as an excellent education opportunity on responsible drinking and not drinking and driving. Of course, this requires the parent to be a responsible drinker in the first place, which these parents clearly are not. My dad used social drinking as an educational tool and taught by example - Guests that had been drinking at our house were provided with fare home and a cab was called for them, then they could come pick up their car and keys the next day. He did not drive if he had a drink - Not even "just one".

There's no harm in responsible drinking but you have to teach your children that it's one of those things that adults do, and you have to be an adult to do it, and this is why, and this is why you don't drive drunk, etc. It's not a double standard if you drink responsibly and you take it upon yourself to use it as an education opportunity.

It is the host's responsibility to ensure the safety of his or her guests and designate a driver if a driver has not already been chosen, or to make appropriate arrangements for his or her guests whether it be a cab ride home or allowing the guests to stay until sober. The host failed.

The blame can be passed around like a beach ball, but in the future go to a restaurant that does not serve alcohol or do not provide alcohol in your home to your guests.

Someone should have said something. I think in my state failing a breath alcohol test with children in your car is felony child endangerment. Just something to keep in mind.

Answer 8

Social drinking, ok...getting drunk in front of the children, not ok. I was raised with a healthy respect for alcohol. My parents had a glass of wine in the evening, and never got drunk. I learned that it is ok to have a small amount of alcohol and not drink to excess. I do the same with my own children. A "grown up drink" every once in a while is just fine in front of children.

Answer 9

It is ridiculous to expect fathers to act one way and mothers to act a different way with regards to drinking. If the parents don't approve of drinking neither one should be drinking in front of the kids.

Of course no parent should EVER drink and drive, with a kid in the car or not.

If this mother was slurring her words and laughing more than usual, it sounds like she was perhaps getting near the point of crossing the line for drinking around the kids, but it's not an easy line to draw. My husband and I drink in front of our kids and always have, but we don't drink much at a sitting.

How did it affect our kids? My adult son is a complete non-drinker. Who knows whether our teenager will decide to drink when he is older? He doesn't seem particularly interested in it one way or the other at the age of 16.

Answer 10

I have never been drunk, tipsy or slightly buzzed in front of my son. I think he may have seen me drink twice in his whole life. (Hes 11). I never would consider drinking like that in front of my son. However, if this women was doing it in public...rest assured she does it at home as well. As far as a double standard,I don't think its OK for dad to get drunk and giggly around his kids either. But I cant judge, and neither can anyone else. as long as the children weren't in any danger and they were being taken care of by a sober person...then it's just an opinion. And everyone has one.