It's bad enough that my son's an atheist... Now he's GAY?

Question

Just recently my son Bobby came out to me. I had been worried for awhile. His teachers said most of his grades were slipping and he seemed depressed and withdrawn.
Bobby said he'd been hiding it for awhile because he was afraid I would reject him. I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations. I told him how being gay would mean he would live a shorter life, and that if he couldnt change his orientation he could be celibate like most the ex-gays are. He started crying saying something along the lines of "I knew you wouldnt understand! You're just like everyone else!" before running to his room and slamming the door.

What did I do wrong? I dont want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I've dropped him and

will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldnt be surprised if he's the one who's feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its 'ok' to be gay. That, or how homosexuality has engulfed the media, making it seem 'cool' and 'hip' and how they were just another oppressed minority. You didnt have to worry about seeing two men making out on tv at my age! I dont want to sound like a fanatic, but Im worried what other effects will come out of this increasingly secular, immoral society obsessed with filth.
Am I too late? Or is it possible to save my son?

Answer 1

no its not to late for your son,,,it will require alot of prayer and fasting to seek the Lord in all of this,,,,talk to your pastor he may have some spiritual books you can read but do seek some help for him,,your in my prayers,,,God Bless

LH

Answer 2

Hi, I'm a Christian -
Look, I first want you to know that I am not an authority of any kind on psychology or psychiatry. That said, here are my thoughts:
I know you must be confused, upset, etc. and I had the exact same thing happen to me - my daughter was 17 and told me she liked both men and women. I still cringe at the thought...BUT,
I did let her know my position on the subject, but I also made sure she knew I loved her no matter what she did, and so does God. Anyway, she reached age 22 and then collapsed at the Library and when the E.R. called me in, they said she needed a heart transplant. She had one, but died nine months later.
Either your son is really gay, or else he's just going through a phase. If it is just a phase, and you make a big deal of it, it'll get way, way worse. Also, if you push too much religion on him, that'll also push him away from you. Nobody wants to get preached to, when what they really just may be looking for, is tenderness and love. He's hurting, and you're his mom - as a part of your conversation, mention that God loves all of his children, and move along in the conversation or just shut up and hold him. DO NOT PUSH THE RELIGION! I cannot stress this enough. He doesn't need to discuss solutions right at this moment, what he needs is to know that he has support - that he isn't alone at a time when he is afraid and confused.
Now, another thought is this: His grades are slipping, and he seems depressed and withdrawn - these are bad enough that his teaches are noticing it. Also, he tells you he is gay. If I were you, I would be wondering if there is someone who has taken sexual advantage of him. Think about it. That would explain his depression and slipping grades, and also his thinking he is gay.
Don't go off the deep end with this thought - and don't point-blank ask him, but talk to him calmly and without asking questions - let him do the talking, and you do the listening. But listen very, very carefully to see if theres any indication that something is going on more than whats being said. Also, look at his schedule - where is he normally on his free time - is he with a teacher, or take sports, where is he, and who is he with? Again - this is only for your own investigation, in case theres something going on.
I don't know if homosexuality is unchangeable or if repressing it is dangerous, but I do know that psychological damage will occur if you don't make sure he knows you are totally supportive of him no matter what, period, no question. You are his mom, and you will always be his mom. You love him and you will always love him. He's always been the best thing that ever happened to you, and he will always be the best thing that ever happened to you.
Do you get this?? Its very, very important. This is a very delicate situation, and if you come down on him about God or about being gay, you are gonna turn him against you, and against God.
Do not do that. You pray to God in the name of Jesus Christ, and ask for divine intervention. Tell God exactly whats going on, how you feel about it, and that you need his help, and so does Bobby. Then you just love that boy. God will see to it that it all comes right, so don't try to find solutions. I will pray for you.

Answer 3

You did nothing wrong and your son being gay is not a choice for him. Do you think he would make a choice to be ridiculed (by some) for life. Although being gay or lesbian is excepted in a lot of places some see this as taboo whether it is in a community or a home. It isn't. I also do not think he simply became gay to hurt your feelings. Perhaps the reason is that he has chosen to become atheist is because he feels the values he has grown up with are condemning him. They say he is going to hell and have a shorter life (which I don't see how being gay affects your health) so why fight it? The fact that he is a teenager too means that he is going through some weird changes both mentally and physically. You have a lot of love for your son, but if you are trying to change something he is than you will either push him away or even worst loose him. Love him greatly. Keep telling him that you love him and that God loves him.

Answer 4

Wow, your belief system is so entrenched that the very concept of a different viewpoint beyond what you already have is instantly dismissed. You are asking a male to not engage in sex. This is setting yourself up for failure. Secondly, the way you came across here (and, no doubt to your son) is that the church beliefs are more important to him. Really, which would you rather have- the chance to go to church every Sunday or the chance to see your son grow up? My father's side is very fundamentalist (Free Methodist) but it was made very clear that family always comes first- irregardless of what the Church said. Did you say anything to the effect of, say, "No matter what happens or who you are, you are my son and I will care and love you forever?" "I will always want to be a part of your life. I do not understand what it is you are going through and I don't want to act like I'm the expert when I'm not, but I do love you." See the sublte difference- keep God out of the picturee for now, this is about you and him alone and no one else. You need to talk in terms of support, not "boy are YOU going to Hell". He's seeking comfort and you gave him implicit cues you think he's f*cked in the head, pardon my French. Look at how you treated the therapist. You went to them because you need help and you admit you need help. No shame there and I applaud that part. But the therapist is the person who has had the years of training, been in their business for some many years, and kept up on their scholarly journals. But because they gave you an answer you didn't want to hear and don't want to accept- they are the ones that are wrong! What you want is not a therapist or objective answers, what you want is someone who is going to reaffirm what you already believe and pound that into the head of your son. It isn't going to work. You cannot change someone else's nature. As much as you want to believe otherwise, who he is is NOT a sin and he has consciously done nothing wrong or evil. I hope you realise this before it is too late. A small challenge: show him my answer and see how he responds.

Answer 5

Ask youself this: Why would your son choose to be gay? What one earth is he getting out of it besides anger from people like you? I imagine that if he truly could "switch", right now, he probably would, precisely because of peer pressure. That's what make this so different from any other "evil" you might be inclined to draw a parallel to (such as drugs): there's nothing to "get out of" homosexuality. There's no "high" to be had.

Don't tell me that yes there is, and it's sex: Why not say the same of being straight? The truth is that gays are not "innately" any more promsicuous than unmarried heteros. It's a net-lose deal on their part, and that's BEFORE you factor in the cruelty and killings by people ever-the-more-eager to send your son oh-so-righteously to Hell. That's right: eternal, unimaginable suffering for doing no harm to anyone. (Not even for something mentioned even once by Jesus.) If that's really how you think the universe works...

... then here's some advice on converting your son to heterosexuality. First, purchase a female Hebrew slave (Exodus 21:2) and give them some time alone. If you're worried about the Biblical God's wrath, don't be: Exodus 21:7 clarifies that female slaves are "not free to go as the male slaves do." Now, in principle, Jesus told us that the old rules didn't apply, we should all love each other as we would be loved, etc. But I can tell that you, like the Confederate slaveholders, are clever enough to see right through that bull. And lo, in Luke Chapter 12, what do we have but a scene in which Jesus, having witnessed a disobediant slave, informs us: "that servant, which knew his lord's will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes." (Don't get me started on St. Paul's more explicit condoning.) And unlike homosexuality, I don't think you'll find a single passgae condemning unconsented S&M, or even rape in general. Except that today we think it's a terrible thing, and therefore tend to include it every time we read something about "evil".

All right, so if you're going to say that none of that is what it's talking about and you only need context, etc, you'll need a really good reason why the excerpts about "lying with a man" from Leviticus are any different in their dated-ness. Of course, this doesn't mean people aren't free to be Christian or Jewish or atheist or whatever they like; it just means that close-minded fundamentalism spells the seeds of its own spiritual demise.

I'm praying for you and your son.

Answer 6

first of all, if you had gay parents, and they pressured you into being gay, you would do the same thing, and react the same way he is. If you had athiest parents, and they told you you needed to be athiest because the christian religions were a waste of time, you would resent them. It is his choice. He is the one beilieving in what he believes in, and he is the one that will be sleeping with the people that he will sleep with, NOT you. He may change his mind. He may not. But, if you have him in therapy becuase of his religion or sexual orientation, then, in my opinion, you are the one that needs the therapy. It sounds like your son's therapist is right on the money. If you love your son, you will let him grow and lead his own life, and what you do now, will determine what kind of relationship you will have with your son as he grows older. If having a straight christian son is more important to you than not having a relationship with an athiest gay son, then that's your perogative. I feel sorry for you if that is the case. you will lose out on a wonderful person.

your son is not gay because it's 'cool'.... he is gay because he's spent many many sleepless nights, months, maybe even years trying to figure out what is going on in his mind and body, and knowing that his family and friends will probably disagree with him and his choices, and being in pain because he knows his family is going to not accept him. it took a lot of time and courage for him to come to you and tell you these things. Give him the respect to talk thru it with him, have him explain to you, because you just don't understand his point of view. He's had months or years to get used to the idea, you've had a day or so. give it some time

good luck. I'll pray for understanding for you.

Answer 7

I fear you only desire responses from those who will support your stance about homosexuality.

However, I post at any rate.

Medical science is PROVING that those who are homsexual do not choose to be so but were CREATED that way.

Would you rather your son be relegated to a life with no adult love of another [a partner]? Why should he be punished? He has done nothing wrong.

It would be much better to focus on helping him develop a healthy life style within his 'gayness' - make good choices of friends and lovers and practice safe sex and good nutrition.
RATHER than blast him with fire and brimstone as repurcussions of his gayness.


The therapist was correct -

It sounds as if your son may still be too young to leave home and make it on his own. I sincerely hope and pray [yes, pray] that you realize that he will be better off if YOU stretch yourself and attempt to support him rather than alienate him.

Also he may believe he is an atheist only because he cannot accept your religious beliefs and therefore sees himself as having no alternative other than not believing.

His home does not appear as supportive as it could be; yet I realize you believe you are doing what is right for him - PLEASE bend here and do not give him ultimatums as to HOW he should deal with his homosexuality.

Answer 8

you could not replace someones concept equipment until eventually they are open to alter. very like your son can't convince you to alter into atheist. Atheist view the international in yet in a different way and inquire into issues others will possibly not think of are significant. My superb propose is to be an occasion of what you choose others to be. i've got confidence that maximum human beings replace into atheist using fact what they see is human beings of religion claiming to be religious or righteous, yet at circumstances contradict their ideals with their movements. additionally, i've got confidence human beings turn to atheist whilst they see that the examples are decrease than suitable, and hence reject and refuse the belief of God. you are going to be able to could provide help to son stick to his very own path until eventually he may even see a different one. Being an atheist does not mean being a 'undesirable' person, yet possibly defective. don't be too urgent on him which will push him extra into his perspectives, yet extremely be be responsive to-how and supportive of what he chooses. possibly he will see out of your occasion that your concept includes being tolerant and accepting of his. stable success and God Bless!

Answer 9

i'm sorry, but GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!!! you need to stop treating your son like he's an outcast or something! seriously, i cannot beLIEVE what i am hearing! my brother is an atheist, and although it does bug me, it's none of my business! your son shouldn't have to worry about his mom breathing down his neck about his sexuality, he has enough struggles as it is! and your therapist is right: people are sometimes born as homosexuals. i know that this is hard on you, believe me, but you need to understand that your son is becoming an adult, and he needs to make his decisions. good luck trying to change him! you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. if you tried to understand what your son is going through, your relationship might be saved. but if you keep going around telling people your son has problems, then he'll think you don't accept him. please, do this for yourself. he needs someone in his life that will accept him right now, his friends will probably abandon him.

Answer 10

Be glad your son talked to you at all. Many kids never say anything to their parents, fearing a reaction like yours, or worse - we've all heard the stories of kids being kicked out, disowned, sent away to be "reprogrammed", etc. A large part of their lives - their relationships, world view, etc. - are then hidden away from you forever. At least you won't have that kind of distant relationship with your son.

As for his being gay, well - most studies show that "ex-gay" doesn't really work. Sure, he can modify his behavior, but it would be something that is unnatural for him, and therefore very very stressful and unhealthy for him.

Your best bet is to give him the best guidance and support you can, but don't try to "change" him.

Answer 11

Did you suffer serious head trauma at some point in your life? If brain damage isn't the cause of your attitude then you must have led an extremely sheltered life. In any case, you are an idiot and I hope your son will soon be old enough to live on his own and move far away from you.