Staying at home with a college degree....?

Question

I'm in college right now, and can't reconcile the fact that when I am ready to have children, I am going to be strongly encouraged to stay home for years on the sole basis that "it's the woman's job". I get pangs of "Why am I doing this?" in relation to college, and pangs of "There's no way in heck I'm staying home and wasting the tens of thousands of dollars I'm spending on college". I love what I do, and can't imagine giving it up for years. How do college-educated stay-at-home moms reconcile this? What are some of the things that you do to feel like college wasn't a complete waste?

Thanks for the mostly supportive answers. Truth is, my biggest reason for going to school IS to get the job that I've always wanted and to have more opportunities to hone those skills (through activities, meeting others with the same interests, etc.). I can't imagine giving up what I've always loved to stay home for years. I know there's ways to keep up with it out of the context of work, but when I have no set schedule, I get lazy.

Answer 1

Hi...college educated stay at home mom here. One question I might ask is...why are you going to college? Is it so that you can secure a better job, or because educating yourself is important? I went to college with the idea that education is important, and I had no idea what life had in store for me, but I was going to be ready. Turns out I got pregnant, married, divorced within a few years of graduation. Worked full time, as a single mother for a few more years, then met the love of my life. We decided that I would stay home after husband went back into active duty army and it is the best decision I have ever made.

I am a better person, mother, wife, army wife because I have a college education. I use my education on a daily basis with my children, helping my husband with work issues, and helping other spouses. I will forever be grateful for my education...and my current status as a SAHM cant ever change the fact that I have a college degree!

Answer 2

What on earth has being a housewife got to do with whether or not you have a college degree? You will still need to work for aliving after you leave college and until you have children, whenever that may be. Many people start their families later in life these days, so a woman may work for some years before she has children. And she may want to go back to work later, some women do. There is, of course, always the possibility that your college degree won't be any use to you when it comes to getting a job anyway. I know someone (a man, incidentally) who got a degree, but was never able to get any work that was relevent to his subject. He eventually started his own small business, which doesn't make a lot of money, but he is happy doing it. However, he loved college and was very happy there, and he would certainly not say it was a waste of time. Going to college is about more than just getting a job when you leave.

Answer 3

With Baby nuber 1 I stayed home until she was 9 months old and I was climbing the walls. With Baby number 2 I went right back to work. Partially for finacial reason, mostly because I didn't want to stay at home.

I realized that I am not a stay at home mom. I hated it. I loved the time that I spent with my baby but I hated the lack of mental and social stimulation. With both of my kids, I had no money, still don't, but I am much happier working. I am college educated but I don't have a really good degree and I live in an area where high paying jobs are hard to find.

This is a tough choice for any mother to make; it is also entirely personal. I wanted to work. Some mom's don't. If you can afford it and can tolerate it by all means stay home; they are only babies once. If you don't feel like that is what you want to do, then go back to work. Don't let "Society" dictate your life.

Answer 4

Hi can see both side to this question. One I am a mom with a college degree and gave it up when I had my children. They are now 10, 8 and 5. I always knew I wanted ot be a mom and at first had an incredibly difficult time doing just that. My decision was what was right for us...for me to be home with our boys. You have to do what is right for you. I have just gone back to work, but at a job that is more family friendly. I am a teacher in a childcare center that is at the private school my boys attend. I now take care of children who have parents that drop them off at 7 am and do not pick them up again until 6pm. Several also have nannies that care for them from pick up on. I see how the children miss their parents terribly and how they bond with me and cry when they go home. I see their firsts and know their likes and dislikes. It breaks my heart when parents do not know their kid likes grapes or that they took their first steps. I often wonder what the point is and if the parent are truly happy with the choices they have made. I am not saying any of this to sway you either way, but know your decisions will greatly impact the life of an innocent little blessing. It is a very hard choice and I commend you for thinking about it in advance. Good Luck!

Answer 5

This will be an unpopular answer but I believe if your only aspiration is to be a stay at home mom, don't waste your money on college. I also believe that all college educated women shouldn't waste their degrees and minds by staying at home. For those that say Well smart women raise smart kids - not true really. I've seen smart people raise the dumbest kids and idiots bear smart children no thanks to them. Doesn't matter. College educated or not, you won't be able to help your kids with their homework after the 7th grade. I have a masters degree and a baby whom I absolutely adore. I make an excellent living and would not give it up without a fight to the death. In no way has this hampered my relationship with my son. In no way has this made me a "bad parent". Women, don't waste your education, talents and dreams. If men can have it all, so can we.

Answer 6

Don't underestimate the importance and responsibility of raising healthy, productive children AND don't feel like college is a waste if you stay at home. College is more than a piece of paper; it's a time when you are exposed to a broader range of people and ideas, you discover more about yourself and, for many people, you may be away from home for the first time. Ideally you should stay at home because YOU want to not because you have to. There is no better substitute for a child's mother to be present and it's a luxury if you don't have to work and can stay home, especially during the early years. Try to keep in mind that the adage 'the grass is always greener on the other side' rings true for this situation. Many women are in a boat similar to yours. It took me many years to realize that it's OK to stay home; I don't have to subscribe to the viewpoints of other people (they aren't caring for my children). Some women wouldn't mind being able to stay at home, but may not realize this until a baby is on the scene. Ultimately the decision lies in your heart, but remember you'll have plenty of time to do what you want later.

Answer 7

You go to college so that you will have the option to work. When you have children, it will be everything to you to have the option to stay home with them. You will realize that on a job, no matter how accomplished you are and successful, you are another worker, another member of a team, and replaced in ANY position. Not so with the job of being a mom. Your kids will always know they had/have one mom. Stepmoms can be the greatest but you can not be replaced as mom. It's just a fact of life.

Answer 8

Well my husband and I are both college educated and we both have very lucrative careers but we live in an expensive area and we like our lifestyle so when our baby comes I am going to stay home for about 2 months then work part time. You do not have to give up your career just because you are having a baby. And besides even if you stay home for a little while, it does not have to be permanent.

Answer 9

Iam not sure I understand your question. Its up to your whether or not you stay home past the 6 week recovery period after birth. You can just as easily get a nanny as stay home. I know because I nannied many a baby for working moms.

Either you decide you love your child more than your life and career, or your decide you can better love your child by leaving them with someone else and working full time.

Or, you find a way to use your degree by working from home or starting your own business.

Answer 10

Who knows if you will stay at home. Being educated will in fact, help in the long run with educating your children. It's not a woman's job to stay at home and nowadays, mothers have many options such as part-time, commuting etc. I say push forward with education and think about being a stay at home mom later.