I found a text message in my BF's phone to his ex?

Question

I went through my boyfriends phone this morning. I know ....a total invasion of privacy, but I had a bad feeling something was going on. I found a text message from his ex, asking him why he keeps driving by her house, and his reply was, i guess i still think of you. I have been with him for 2 years and have gone through his phone before and saw her name/number in his recent calls list, showing 00 minutes of talk time. I didn't get that upset because I figured it was her calling him, by the way the recent calls list doesn't indicate who called who, just that a call was to or from that particular number. I have asked him in the past if he was still in contact with her and he said no. I didn't even ask him about it this morning. I just woke him up after finding the text message and told him if he thinks about her all the time, then he needs to go back to her and that we are done. Did I overreact? Did I do the wrong thing? I'm dumbfounded....

Answer 1

yeah its always a bad idea to go through peoples stuff, but you learned something new. he lies about who he is talking to. do you really want to be with someone who cant be straight up with you anyway?
Good luck i hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 2

I would start packing boxes now. If this guy is cheating and lying now and you've been together 2 years, imagine how it'll be in 10 years.

Don't dismiss this small stuff, because all this small stuff leads up to the big stuff and he's a liar and a cheat.

ALWAYS GO WITH YOUR GUT!

Please know this... If you call him on it, which you already have, think about him looking you in the eye and how bad it hurts b/c you know for a fact he is lying.

They get away with one thing and it never stops, EVER!

Remember when you were a teenager, and how you would lie to your parents to get your own way? Well in a sense he is doing the exact same thing to you, only this time he is STILL the child and you are the mother.

I've been married to a man for 10 years who is totally this guy. The lies, the cheating, and it's turned into mental abuse, constant putdowns and on bad days he hits me.
We have 3 kids, I'm 30 and he's 33. I also maintain myself to a fit size 4 on a 5'7" frame and maintain a pretty face, nails, hair and wardrobe... And he still cheats. I also cook, sew, pay the bills, raise the kids and all the other things a housewife does.
Guess who gets weekend breaks? He does. Every weekend he is with his friends whether it be playing golf or the drums. I get stuck without a car with 3 kids. I also don't know a single person in my town. My family lives far away.
The last time he took me out was 5 years ago before he moved in with the married secretary at his work.
I really need to go out, but he is just too busy being decietful.
And I could've avoided all this, had I opened my eyes 10 years ago when he told me his buddies wife had a nice butt.

Come on!
So take these small things and don't let them go... But if you choose to stay with him IF it even last, think of my story and all the other women in the world who are "Stuck" with a looser and we get told by these loosers that we are crazy or being dillusional, when in fact it's part of the game!

Good Luck!

Answer 3

I think that you overreacted just a tad. First it was wrong of you to go through his phone because when you go to confront him about the text message he can throw it in your face that you werent even suppose to be going through his messages in the first place. Second, since you already did it and that is in the past, I wouldve approach him calmly and ask him what is really going on. If you are in a commited relationship then it is up to the two of you to work out your isues together. Now that you approached him in that way he will probably be afraid to tell you the truth and thats not good because nothing gets solved. Just remember that next time you have an issue, As hard as it is try not to ell and get mad. I know its a lot easier said than done though hun. I would approach him again calmly tell him you want to talk and do just that.

Answer 4

Coming from a Man's perspective, there's only two ways this will play out:
A. He's trying to get back with his ex, and is either too afraid to tell you, or has the intention of cheating. This is the worst case scenario.
B. He's just trying to get back in contact. He may have enjoyed speaking to her, and may need a woman's insight into his relationship.

Personally speaking: I still hang out with about 3 of my ex girlfriends. They were all great people, and fun to hang out with. As far as I know, my current g/f isn't the least bit jealous...of course she could just know she's got a 1 woman man =P.

I say give it some time, and see how it plays out. If you find out he starts cheating, drop him. You wouldn't want to go out with scum like that anyhow.

P.S.: Always look him in the eye when you're speaking to him, most cheaters try to avoid eye contact =)

Answer 5

Yeah invasion of privacy not good but I think if the feeling was that strong and the result was what you were thinking about then thank goodness you checked his phone. I mean obviously the guy won't be man enough to be upfront with you seeing as how up until this point he still can't man up to your questions. If he can't be honest and if he's not showing you the love you deserve then I see nothing wrong with you telling him to get back to her although from the looks of it she probably doesn't want to have anything to do with it.

Answer 6

I don't think that you are overreacting. The problem as I see it is not that he still thinks about his ex (a lot of people do) but that he is actually acting on it, by calling her and driving by her house. What that says to me is that if she would take him back, he would leave you. That is what's not acceptable. I'm sorry that you had to go through this!

Answer 7

OMG!! Hell the Fu*K no! He still loves his ex! you did not overreact! you need to act more! He just had you as a rebound chick, He was just using you! He was not all there for you, so why waste your time on a loser like him, something like this happened to me before and I dumped his a** best thing I ever did, cuz now I found someone that actually loves me! That's good you let him go so he can go continue stocking the other Bitc*!

Answer 8

,Sad to say... he may still be a bit obsessed over her. I think you did the right thing and it took a lot of courage to say what you said. I must admit I did the same thing when I broke up with my first love I would drive by his house and call and hang up. Some people would call it stalking but I feel I just did it to, for that small second in time, feel close and connected to him. It eventually faded but I still love him.

Answer 9

Usually, if you have an overwhelming sense that something's amiss, then you're most likely right. Going through his phone speaks volumes; you obviously don't trust him if you felt the need to do that. Trust is the MOST important building block of a committed relationship; without it, how can there be a relationship? Best of luck to you.

Answer 10

yeah you crossed over the line,it is an invasion of privacy. You cannot hang a guy just because he still thinks of his exes. If that were the case there would be a lot of people "hanging" around.

Answer 11

I think it's hard sometimes to get over your ex's but it has been two years but if she is blowing him off.. (ex. "why are you riding by my house?") then more than likely he has no chance with her.. it seems as if she's over him.

I don't think you overreacted because that's how most girls would act, we go on our instinct. I wouldn't call him, I know it'll be hard but see just how much he does care and see if he comes back and take it from there.

Sorry if this didn't help much but I'm sorry you had to see something like that, I know, from experience, it's hard. Good luck.