We have been together for about 2 years now. We have been best friends for the past 12 years. We are going to have a baby in June. We do not live together yet, we have to sell both homes first. We've always had a thing for each other since we were in high school and finally had a time where we were both available. We love each other very much and didn't fight like this as friends. It started out with a few days of silence, now it's just days of silence before one or the other will apologize. I know this is not normal....Is there anyone else who goes through a similiar situation?
2007-02-05 05:45:54 · 11 answers · asked by Soinlove 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The silence and fights will get worse. You both need to communicate to get through it now, and in the future.
Go to a couselor, both of you, or have a sympathetic friend be a mediator to help you two talk. You have to work it out now, and learn how to continuously communicate, or you won't be together in the future.
2007-02-05 07:32:54 · answer #1 · answered by redjetta 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What's the real problem that is causing the fights? And since you've been friends for so many years why can't you talk about it calmly after the arguments? You don't have a committment; you don't have a marriage license; you're going to have a baby. That's enough to stress most people. You made better friends than you did lovers. Now you have a baby to think about. All this silence sounds like a screeching siren to me...which one (or is it both of you) that wishes you'd just stayed friends? Someone's wanting out of this relationship but it's a little late to do it without causing more problems. You are going to have big issues if you go forward as a couple and you will never be able to get back the friendship you once enjoyed.
2007-02-05 14:09:10 · answer #2 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I have lots of friends who went through the same situation as you and end up splitting and not being together. The dynamic is different between friends and lovers. Let's not forget that now, with the baby on the way, the level of stress is higher on both sides. Silence is not the answer for sure, Nor screamings are. Since you are the one who is aware of what is going on I think you need to make the move:
Try to rationalise with him and think loudly on what is driving you to argue. See what has changed and could be done to remedy the situation. If this doesn't work then nothing would. The solution should come from both of you and someone should make the first step.
2007-02-05 14:27:10 · answer #3 · answered by Jay C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The longest I've even gone without talking to any of my boyfriends or now husband is probably a day at the most...and probably not even that long. You need to come together and talk things out...not dismiss it and just wait for someone to say they are sorry. And I'm sure it's not even a heartfelt apology...just something said so you will stop fighting.
If you two have a baby coming soon...you should really sit down and discuss what's going on. The baby here is going to be the one who's going to get the brunt of all of this in the end. So, try to work on your relationship now before it's too late.
2007-02-05 13:55:45 · answer #4 · answered by Michele K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Me & my ex-girlfriend are best friends & always will be, we dated about 5 yrs., we lived together back when we were dating for less than a year, & things didn't work, so she moved out, we broke up gave ourselves some space & slowly started talking again. as of now we go out as a "friendly date" once in a while, but we'll never be "steady", maybe she finds a man who is perfect for her so she won't want me back as a steady date. I suggest you & him do the same. remain friends, don't live together or the fights may continue -good luck.
2007-02-05 14:06:40 · answer #5 · answered by strange-artist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i had a boyfriend that never wanted to work through fights and it was very hard for me because i am like most women and i am a communicator...i want to talk things out...we would have a disagreement and then he would fall off the face of the planet for a week and then start calling me acting like nothing happened...it was his way of dealing with the problem without facing it...he is an ex for this very reason...you can't just ignore problems and then hope that they will go away...
...at the end of one of his week-long pouting fests i told him that i thought his silence was speaking volumes - you don't want to make an effort to work this out with me, and i don't want to continue trying to make this relationship work
try to resolve this somewhat amicably because you are going to have a child together, but if he can't learn to fight and communicate better your relationship probably isn't going to work.
2007-02-05 14:28:04 · answer #6 · answered by skittle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard for fights to escalate if at least one person is trying and showing true humility. Sounds like you both have pride issues. What do you do to try to keep this from escalating? We have to look at ourselves and how we contribute to our relationship problems first. No relationship can be successful until we learn this. Best wishes to you both...especially for the sake of your baby.
Remember this...focus on 'doing' right rather than 'being' right.
2007-02-05 13:56:39 · answer #7 · answered by Oh Suhnny Day 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you guys aren't made to be in that type of relationship you probably should have just stayed friends but now that there is a kid involved it makes it more complicated good luck and god bless.
2007-02-05 15:30:02 · answer #8 · answered by chiefs fan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually when a couple fights like that, they have more issues than arguing. You guys should talk about it, and decide what you really want to do about your relationship.
2007-02-05 13:51:24 · answer #9 · answered by Huera 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you guys should not give room for that, try to make up things and be happy again,i wish you the very best
2007-02-05 13:52:55 · answer #10 · answered by Dutchie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋