I find it hard to stand her, she has made racial comments about black people, I am mexican and wonder what does she think about my culture, also wonder if she puts down everybody else in her family what does she says behind my back, since we dont live close to her when we visit we usually stay in her home, I feel drained by her sometimes, wished I didnt had to see her, but out of respect for my husband I go, cause I know his family is very imporant to him, what could I do to keep her attitude from affecting me?
2007-02-05 05:30:02 · 14 answers · asked by Alejandra 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your husband needs to respect you more than his mother. If she's being rude, it's his place to correct her. If he doesn't, you should question his feelings and beliefs. And stay at a motel.
2007-02-05 05:52:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this from experience, problems with inlaws don't ever get easier!
The advantage of living farther away is that you don't see her often, but then the disadvantage is that you have to stay in her home when you do go to visit! Tell your husband that you are uncomfortable and why, in a respectful way, without putting her down. See if he can help with the situation, even if it is just to get an idea of where you stand with her.
For your part, just try to make the best of it. change the subject or don't talk when she makes racial comments. I don't blame you for being upset at that. You could tell her you don't like racial discussions if she is in your home she would have to avoid the comments, but when you are in her home, she can talk about anything she wants.
If you have other family, and friends to support you, you should be OK with not being so close to your mother in law. You can be nice to her, and respectful and go along for the visits. It could be that in time, you will find things in common and become closer. Just endure the visits the best you can and keep your part of the conversation positive. When you get home, surround yourself with friends and family who are supportive and positive to help you get your positive feelings back and get the negativity out of your system.
Good luck and hang in there!
2007-02-05 06:06:36 · answer #2 · answered by kristin c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are just negative and see everyone and everything as something to criticize. She must be miserable!! However, since you can't change her (nor should you try) you are wise to respect your husband and visit her. While you're there just be calm and polite and in control of your feelings. Be friendly and nice to her out of respect for your husband and remember it's only for a little while. All you can control is how you respond to her. Never llet her know that she upsets you. And after you leave, I hope you don't say hurtful things about her to your husband because even if he doesn't like her ways, he honors the fact that she is his mother. I'm sure he knows she's difficult without you telling him.
2007-02-05 05:42:50 · answer #3 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when she goes on ranting and raving about something, maybe find a open second that you can say something. I would try complimenting her on something. For example if she has plants in the house, comment how great that plant is, what type is it, etc. Find anything to say a positive on, that way it will throw her off guard. You could try and mention that you know she is entiteled to her opinions, but you are hurt by some comments. IF you don't want to go that route, i don't blame you, it may just piss her off, and she'll act different around her, some people you can't change. I had a problem with my mother in law with religion issues, she had strong beliefs of hers and felt everyone elses was wrong. So any time we had a gathering of any sort, she'd start up, i would think of anything to change the subject, and when it gave her a compliment on her gardening or colors in the house, it changed her mind set, she would be thrown off guard and we'd start talking about something else, she had forgotten what she was getting so excited about. Pick your battles, and if you wanna keep the peace, its not worth bringing your self down, and not worth causing problems in your marriage, some people do not change.
2007-02-05 05:41:25 · answer #4 · answered by g 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should not be afflicted with this situation. You're husband should have more respect for you than consideration for his mom. If you are being treated this way and he is not defending you, kindly explain to him that you don't want to go to her house because of the nasty treatment you always get. If your husband does not understand this, there is no way he can make you go to her house anyway. Diplomacy rarely works in cases like this. She is set in her ways and will not change just for you.
2007-02-05 05:38:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that first you should tell your husband how you feel..try not to sound like you're attacking him or his family.. also let him know what he can do to make you more comfortable when you're there...like not leaving you alone with her..i wish you all the best and i hope your mother in law changes her ways..
2007-02-05 05:35:32 · answer #6 · answered by Cori 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband how you feel and see if he can't talk to her. Other than that, she is how she is and there is not much that you can do to change her personality. Just try your best to hold your head up high and smile. Don't let her attitude ruin your happiness....maybe she will eventually stop.
Good Luck!
2007-02-05 05:38:08 · answer #7 · answered by CPA2B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, you don't HAVE to accompany him on trips to his family's home. Stay home and have some "you" time and let him enjoy his visits with his family. If she's as bad as you say, your husband will understand, and probably bring you back some nice gifts!
2007-02-05 06:45:55 · answer #8 · answered by Angela B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
permit it flow in a single ear and out the different. you would be unable to alter her. ultimately your guy will might desire to step as much as her, yet that ought to be his determination. i've got been there and carried out what you're living by. She kicked the bucket 2 years in the past. I omit her at cases, yet might desire to admit its advantageous to not be worked up for all time. do not concern approximately what she tells her pals. She tells hers one tale, you tell yours yet another. Like my mom used to assert, in the event that they speaking approximately you they leaving somebody else on my own. Be grateful your existence is exciting adequate that she needs to speak approximately it in any respect!
2016-09-28 11:11:27 · answer #9 · answered by husted 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just try to be nice, its an advantage since you dont live close to her and only have to see her every now and then, if you have to, just ignore her when u go there, also talk to your husband and tell him how shes making your feel.
2007-02-05 05:34:17 · answer #10 · answered by meg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋