i need some motherly advice!?

Question

im looking for a mom out there who could relate.. my parents are separated for almost 11 years now, i'm with my dad since then, now, my mom offered me a work so i moved to her place, i really can't help it but the pain and the anger is still there.. i can't even stand talking to her for 10 mins. i really hate the feeling that we're in the same roof but im cold to her.. can you help me fix things up! i just need someone i can share everything to be undestood.

Answer 1

First of all us moms are not perfect,we do things to hurt our children but we don't mean to.You have to realize your mom probably beats herself up enough and she doesn't want u to beat her up over the past too.You need to realize that we as parents have feelings too and it hurts us that you are hurt and angry.I split up with my ex husband and my six year old daughter lives with him because i made some bad choices,I live with the guilt everyday it hurts more than anyone can imagine.Its like losing someone to death not custody.Your mom is not proud of her mistakes and judging by the anger you have I am assuming she has made some.I know any mother out there who has screwed things up regrets it but we learn from our mistakes just like children do we learn new things everyday....My mom did some really bad things but her mom did really bad things to her so once i was old enough to understand that i forgave her.I am not saying that its ok or you should forget but if you forgive you will free yourself from a lifetime of hatred and resentment.Maybe your mom didn't have a good childhood did you ever stop to think she may be hurting inside too don't just think of yourself think of her feelings as well.Sit down and talk to your mom ask her the reasons for the divorce and ask her to be totally honest with you.When she tells you don't judge her its not your place to judge her its God's.Ask her if she feels hurt that you are hurting and angry and I promise her answer will be yes.Your mother loves you a mother's love runs deeper than anyone can imagine but we have flaws and we do stupid things so cut her a break....good luck

Answer 2

You seem to be blaming your mother for something your parents did TOGETHER. That is totally unfair. Unless you were in their marriage bed, you have no idea the whole story of why they separated. You mostly have your Dad's version. There's another side of this story and if your mother isn't telling it, it's likely because she is taking the upper road. She doesn't want to hurt you and she doesn't want you to be in the middle, so she's not bad-mouthing your dad, whom she knows you love. Sounds like she's a super person who loves you very much and wants what's best for you over and above what's best for her. I think you need a counselor who can help you see that you are punishing your mother by feeling this way, but you are hurting yourself. You were not to blame for their separation and you are not now responsible for their problems, but you ARE supposed to keep an open mind and love both of your parents for who they are and want both of them to be happy. If you can't do this, you need therapy. The very first thing you should do is tell your mother you love her and want to know her better and want to get along. She probably wants the same thing. TRY. Give her a hug. I'll bet you get one back, and then some. I know this (I'm a mother), she does love you very, very much. So, help her connect with you. Talk about your feelings with her and let her mother you. It may be late, but never TOO late. You have just gotten there with her. You had 11 years with your father. Give your mother a break. Give her a little time. Reconnecting takes effort and time, but it's worth it. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 3

Well you didn't say how old you are but I assume you are out of high school anyway. I am sure it was a mutual decision between your parents for you to live with your Dad as it was probably the best thing for you. You can't blame your Mom for everything that isn't right. Try being more of a friend to her. I am sure she would like to get to know you more as a young woman and has some experience in life. You only have 1 mother and you are her flesh and blood as well. Make your amends and get on with a loving mother/daughter relationship.

Answer 4

Hey :) 1) Use tweezers on your upper lip and eye brows 2) Use removal cream, a razor, an electronic shaver or wax strips on your legs and underarms 3) Shave your bikini line, I use an electronic shaver, you won't cut yourself then. But trip your pubic hair down really short before you use a shaver. Also pubic hair at the front, you can get rid of it or keep it trimmed, but it is thicker as you'll probably notice so make sure its like a stubble before using a shaver. 4) Do not shave your arms, or other finer hair parts, like stomach or back unless you have really dark hair already. Because they'll come back darker and thicker and you'll have to shave forever. 5) If you get hair around your nipple, some people do, it's normal, then pluck it with tweezers. It doesn't hurt as much as you think. Do it after a shower. 6) Periods suck. Keep a pad on you at all times, and change it every two hours or so. You'll get bad cramps sometimes, just get a hot water bottle out and cuddle up in bed. 7) Whether you like boys or girls, go slowly. Go at a comfortable pace for you. Before having sex for the first time, shave all your usual areas to make you feel more confident. Always use protection with a boy! 8) Revise hard, you need your grades! But have fun too! Balance it out, have fun with your friends you only live once! And when you get a boyfriend remember your friends, I know its exciting and you'll want to be with him all the time but make sure you spend time with your friends! You'll need them if you two break up, don't push them away. :D If anything worried you, google it. Any health problems, see a doctor.

Answer 5

Sweetheart, this is your mom. She's your mom today, she'll still be your mom tomorrow, and she'll even be your mother 100 years from now. You don't always need to understand your parents and the decisions they make. If you moved out there with her then she must not have been that horrible to you when you were a child otherwise you would have never considered going with her. If you feel like you were abandoned by her, tell her.. maybe she has a side of the story that you have never heard because you have been living with your father for the past 11 years. Parents tend to be one sided about things and say things to their children that may not be in their best interests because they want to make themselves seem like a better more competent parent to make them feel better about themselves. Give her a chance to be whatever you have been looking for from her for the past 11 years, she may suprise you.

Answer 6

You need some professional help so you can learn to vent this anger. You're situation is not unusual by any means. Once you get over being so angry with your mother, then you will find peace in your heart. I'm wondering if it was such a good idea to have moved in with your mother at this point in time, since you are still so angry with her. I guess you know the answer to that. Get the therapy that you most definitely need & hopefully, you will feel better about living with your mom. Good luck!

Answer 7

Tinkerbell, I had a very strained relationship with my mother for many many years. I am not a preachy kind of person, but the first thing that led to me "letting go" of my anger was to realize and accept, I am not the one to judge her. I have learned through many trials in life, you have a choice to accept people for who they are...good and bad, or you have the choice to take what you have learned from that realtionship, and move on. Doing this with a mother is very difficult to say the least. But, only you have control over your life, don't let others hold yo back. Do you work with her? If so, do you get along while working? Maybe living with her is just too much. Look for a room mate and see if the realtionship gets better. IN anycase, be thankful we can chose our friends! best of luck.

Answer 8

I have a good relationship with my daughter, so I cant relate, but I know how much I love her and her dad, I also have a daughter in law who hates her mom and i am a mom to her, but her mom is a weirdo. Your parents arent in love with eachother, but they both love you, relationships are between men and women and sometimes the kids suffer, but they do love you. try to get that into your mind, she may be unhappy because her life didnt turn out the way she planned when she was your age, thinking of the future and what you want for your own family, think of your mom as your age, try to emagine her making the choices to marry your dad, and maybe she was too young. You may think your parents are wonderful, or maybe not, but they are human and have to experiance life like everyone else, they get sick throw up go poop fart, just like everyone else. Just love them.

Answer 9

Your mother should be the one trying to connect with you. She is older and should have some or even more ideas on how to connect with you on your level. I'm sorry you are not 'in-touch' with your mom though you live under the same roof. That can be very difficult for any girl/woman. I have never been close with my mom because of her self-centered, and self-serving nature. She has been a detriment to my ability to connect to women in my life. I have 1 true friend (female) who I can totally count on. I consider myself blessed. Maybe you can call the Boys and Girls club of America and see if you can enter a mentor/protoge relationship or get a big brother or big sister to connect with.

Answer 10

Okay, so I'm a mom now, but I've also been in your situation. My parents divorced and I grew up with my dad. Being with my mother is still sometimes an aggrivating thing.

I would advise you to pray to God to help you get over your resentments to her. Also, start a journal.......somewhere where you can just get out all your frustrations and feelings. Finally, allow yourself time to grow closer to her. It wont happen overnight. Best wishes to you!