I have a LARGE family, but I want a small wedding.. How?

Question

On my dads side of the family alone I have 5 aunts and uncles (plus their spouses), and with all of them I have come to have 18 cousins (who all but 3 have spouses), and 12 of them have children and they all live out of state so not having kids at my wedding is not an option... I WANT A SMALL WEDDING!!!!! How do I go about only inviting the family members I am VERY close to and speak with on a regular basis without hurting everyone elses feelings?

Answer 1

Coming from a large family myself, this is how it is handled in our family.
The aunts and uncles are usually invited. (7 on my fathers side, 6 on my mothers all but one married, or engaged)
The cousins on my mothers side, are all very young (Below 18 most below the age of 12), and also invited so that the parents, do not have to necessarily get babysitters and such, though usually they do not come, because it is to tirying
On my fathers side it has been a tradition for years that the cousins that still live at home with their parents (this year that are only 4 persons) are invited with their parents. The ones that do not live at home anymore, are only invited when the couple is really close with them, or if it is big party.
I don't think your cousins will take it as an insult, if you do not invite them all. As long as you explain your point of view, and offer an alternative, like coming over for a visit. Also it would help to really just invite those you are close to, and not get talked into invite anyone else, because that would hurt feelings.

Answer 2

Do just that. Tell your family that you are only inviting the immediate, close family. Blame it on a budget - tell them that realistically you can't afford to have a wedding larger than (pick a number) guests. However, two things to consider here - 1, if you invite an out-of-town relative that you are close with, you have to include their spouse (having children at a wedding is optional, some couples choose to have an adult only affair) but realize that if you don't have it open to children they may not be able to come. And 2, don't invite friends to the wedding. Inviting friends, when you've told your family that you can't invite all of them, will undoubtedly cause problems. If you want your best girlfriend as your MOH, that's understandable, but don't invite Sue Ellen from work because she sits in the next cubicle. I mean realistically, it's your wedding and you can invite or not invite whomever you want, but if you want to keep the peace, be very diplomatic about it.

Answer 3

OK, you're talking extended family here, not immediate family. I don't think any of my cousins came to my wedding, and I only went to 1 cousins wedding. I would say though, depending on how close knit your family is, you either have to invite none of them, or all of them. If you invite Aunt Sue, but not Aunt Sally, you're going to have some explaining to do, and it will be awkward, and cause some ruffled feathers. The simplest way, if you truly want a small wedding, is to invite your parents, grandparents, siblings, and close friends, and keep it at that.

I would say that attending even a first cousins wedding, starts ranking lower on my list of priorities, especially if it's out of town. I have 2 children, both are in school. I certainly wouldn't pull either of them out of school for a distant relatives wedding. And I'd be hesitant to spend a bunch of money on it either. I think you may find that they may not be all that interested in attending, but will send you a nice gift (which is what happened in my family). People are so, so busy these days, that they've just got to prioritize stuff like this, and frankly, unless it's someone I'm just real close to, I'm probably just going to send a gift, and say congrats that way.

Hope this helps you out!

Answer 4

My husband and I had a small ceremony even though his family is rather large and mine was on the medium side. We limited our guests to our immediate family (parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews), grandparents, and 1st generation aunts and uncles and close friends and co-workers. To keep our costs down and wedding smaller, we chose not to invite our cousins since they were out of state as well and we didn't talk with them regularly. None of them were had any hurt feelings. We had about 60 people attend our wedding, which was perfect for us.

I would just recommend inviting those closest to you and when asked let your family members know that unfortunately you were not able to accommodate everyone. I doubt that your family members who you don't speak with on a regular basis will be hurt for the simple fact that you don't interact with them very often.

Answer 5

Most people are aware of the cost of a wedding.
We wanted a small wedding as well, which we did. My Mom comes from a family of 8 and they are all married and from my Mom's side of the family I have 12 cousins, some who are married. That would have been a lot of people.
So, I chose the family members that are close to us. We picked family and friends that we take the time to visit and who visit us. In this day and age we live in different cities and towns and some of my family I may not see for years because of distant and work. My husband's sister was the only one we invited who had kids, her daughter was our flower girl.
Don't worry, people will understand.
Have fun!

Answer 6

I would send out invitations to those whom you want to invite and kept it the size you want and can afford. As for the others, I would send out Wedding Announcements/Change of address cards and have you mom or someone drop them in the mail on the day of the wedding. Or, wait a bit and include a small, wallet size wedding pic. Just say something like..."We had a small, private ceremony so please excuse, but we wanted to share the happy news...on Saturday, February 3, 2007, John Doe and Jane Smith were married in Lake Tahoe, Nevada". You may or may not want to say "Our new address is enclosed if you wish to keep your records up-to-date". I don't really know, just a thought. Good luck. Don't feel pressured into having a bigger wedding than you want or can afford. There will always be someone who has a problem with something you did or didn't do but let it roll off your back and ultimately, please yourselves.

Answer 7

I am in the same boat!

I think you have 3 options:

1.) Have just your families at the wedding, and allow them to bring dates

2.) Have family and a few friends, but do not extend the "and guest" invitiation

3.) Have a destination wedding, knowing that only a few people will go

Good luck! It will all work out. :)

Answer 8

I have the same issue. I am planning on only inviting the people who I see at holidays (if they don't make an effort to see me and vice versa at least once a year why would I invite them to this?) I might also include one best friend each. Whatever you decide the cut-off it, it's your choice! If anyone asks, (and I'll tell my parents to spread the explanation) the reason is that we are paying for it ourselves. People are very understanding about the finances of a young couple.

Answer 9

Have a destination wedding. Invite everyone you want. I will bet you that you'll get a lot of "NO"'s...and a lot of gifts.
If you elope...people don't really acknowledge your wedding with a gift. But if you have a destination wedding and invite them...some of them will feel like they have to send you something. That's it..be done with it.
Or...just have a small wedding with your close family and friends. Talk it over with your partner. Good Luck. I did my wedding with inviting more then I wanted and could afford...so I can totally relate to you. Good luck!

Answer 10

sounds like my fiance's family. even he can't reember all of his cousins' names!! we're just inviting the ones he is close to, or who is helping us (his grandma, and his aunt who's making our cake) and maybe a few others. and you CAN say no children!! it's your wedding!! it will help cut back on people some. they can either choose to go and find someone to watch teir children (perhaps the grandparent s of the person who marrie dinto your family can watch them) or they an not go, whihc works for you. maybe you can have a family reunion after the honeymoon so that your other family members don't feel so upset. and the ones who aren't close to you may not be upset anyway.