part 2 GOT ENGAGED AND GOT NADA?

Question

well we gor engaged june of 06 and the next day she had brides magazine i told her dont be a wedding monster and only worry about that day and what will happend to us after the wedding and i told her i wanted to go away to be married she said that she wants a regular weddings and i am fine now she get up set that i am not into the planning or picking out flowers the truth is i told her i dont want a regular wedding and i dont want to go looking for flowers or photos or anthing related and now she said that i dont care. but the thing that i care most about is what will happened after the wedding when she does not have to run around worring about the wedding. i feel that i shoud cancle the engagement the thing is the hall is paid for.

Answer 1

So, she's turned into a bridezilla, right? All she's concentrating on is the wedding, and the heck with what's going to happen with her marriage. Unfortunately, alot of girls tend to do this, they get totally wrapped up in the planning of "THE WEDDING" that they forget totally why they're doing it all in the first place.

You need to have a good, long talk with her, and in a very non-threatening way (because I'll bet her emotions are on maximum overdrive as well), explain your concerns to her. Remind her that the wedding is just 1 day, but you are more worried about your marriage that should last a lifetime. Possibly even talk with your minister or officiant who will be performing the ceremony, and see if someone else can help you get her priorities straight. Possibly even her parents could help her see reason. Possibly counseling would work, you and her go see a couples counselor who would be a completely impartial 3rd party--that might be the best way to go.

I see no reason for you to cancel your wedding over this though, after it's all over, she will turn back into the person you fell in love with. But if you're having second thoughts, don't let the fact that the reception hall is paid for stop you from cancelling or postponing the wedding. You're the only one who can decide this, and I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 2

Guess what... If you can't support her even a little bit in doing something she finds important - you are not ready to get married. What do you think marriage is? I've got news for you, not everything either one of you does will be interesting or important to the other person... But you have to learn support your partner. It's easy to support the other person in something you, too, find engaging; the real test is showing your support even if their interest bores you to tears. I happen to feel the same way as you do about weddings; hardly anything is more boring than looking at flowers or decorations or picking colors or anything like that. My husband felt the same way, so we had an informal wedding, and were happy with it. But obviously this wedding is important to your fiancé. Give it some thought. You don't have to be involved full-time in any of it - I think what she's mostly looking for, and not getting from you, is just a general sense of support; the "I know it's important for you, so because of it I will try my best to take interest in it too" type thing. Instead, you're probably giving her the message "I know it's important to you, but I don't care, I'm not going to give a rats a** about it regardless of how you feel." Not a good way to start the marriage.

Look at it as a celebration, a holiday. It is true that what really counts is the marriage, not the wedding. But putting effort into your marriage does not exclude having a nice celebration. It's like saying - why celebrate on the New Year's Eve, you have to worry about how to spend the rest of the year, not how to spend one night. I think most people who enjoy celebrating the New Year would disagree with that. I, for one, love New Years celebration, and usually put some effort into it - which doesn't stop me from trying to live the rest of the year well.

Congrats, and good luck.

Answer 3

If you really love this girl you wouldn't be thinking about calling everything off because she wants you to help her planning out the wedding. You told her if she wanted it she could have it, ITS YOUR DAY TOO!!!!! Just because she's having the big wedding that she wants doesn't mean you shouldn't be involved in the planning. Stop being so selfish because you didn't get your way about the wedding. My fiance and I had 2 completely different ideas about what a wedding should be .. We talked about it (as adults should do when they're getting married) and decided on something in between. Now, concidering you already told her you would have the large wedding you can not recant that statement, but the least you could do is help the poor girl make these huge decisions that are stressing her out about a day that is supposed to be for the both of you. She is trying to involve you in what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life and all you can do is sit in the corner and pout because you aren't getting your way. I think it's her that should be reevaluating things, not you. If you love her.. HELP HER

Answer 4

Sounds to me like you shouldn't be worrying about what happens AFTER the wedding, but what is happening NOW BEFORE the wedding. If you are having problems planning the wedding, you are going to have huge problems trying to keep a marriage together. Try to talk to her and tell her how you feel and maybe there will be some sort of compromise that can be reached...

Answer 5

You want to go away, she wants a wedding. She wants you to be involved, you don't want to look for flowers.

Neither of you are going to get everything your way. You both need to learn the fine art of compromise. Sit down, talk about what the both of you absolutley HAVE to have & work from there.

If you are considering breaking off the engagement over something like this, maybe you should r-e-a-l-l-y look at the relationship. Doesn't sound like it's on a firm foundation. You might want to seek counselling.

And so the hall is paid for. Small price for not having a lifetime of misery.

Answer 6

A wedding day to a woman is the day where we want everything to be as perfect as possible. All eyes are on her and her hubby to be. She wants family and friends to see the special day. It is the day you 2 will official begin the rest of your lives together and it's a day that you and espeacially her will never forget. She just wants her wedding day. Almost every woman has been planning her wedding since she was alittle girl. We are just saps when it comes to this stuff. She is just as interested and worried and happy about what will happen after all the wedding stuff....she just wants the wedding to be at least some of what she's always dreamed.

Answer 7

Shes a girl! Thats how we are! We get excited about these things! My husband was not all that involved either in the planning and we had it out about it. I felt like I had to do everything myself and part of it was me taking out my stress on him. We got through it though and we had a beautiful wedding and still are very happily married! Wedding planning is very stressful. Remember she has been planning this whole day for her whole life! Just try to see things from her perspective and be a bit understanding. She should do the same! Good luck and congrats!

Answer 8

Well, remember it is a girls dream to plan a wedding.......but, you two do need to come to an agreement. If you can't make up your minds together now, what will it be like in the future....don't make the "the hall" your whole marriage, if you feel that its not right...eat the costs, you don't want to spend your wedding life, fighting.

Answer 9

Of course that she is excited about the wedding. Girls will be girls, and of course that she would like your input.

You must reassure her that you love her, and that you care but you are a man and you are not into color schemes and shoes and flowers because youa re a amn, ask her to seek the advice of her girlfriends as they would provide better input. Tell her that you trust her sense of style and that whatever she deicides would be fine with you. Tell her that you would like everything to be a suprise as it would be more meaningful to you,

I know that she is driving you crazy with this, but trust me, all grooms go through that.

Also compromise at least on helping her with a few things that are relevant to you, such as the menu and the guest list and the music selection. Tell her that everything that has to do with decorations, matchinmg colors and dresses would be better advised by the bridal party.

Good luck

Answer 10

don't cancel the engagemtn if you really want to spend your life with her. we brides tend to wnat to help, even if it's just a teeny bit. try suggesting ideas that are more simple so that it's focused more on the ceremony itself than the planning. for example; a beach wedding is a lot simpler than a traditional one. she also needs to be told, that since you're the groom, you're naturally not going to take as much interest in the small detials as she does. it's just a difference of the sexes. just try to work with her, and at least look at photographers. you're going to want pictures to remember it by. flowers can be discussed with her bridesmaids, mom, or MIL. good luck!