I have dated this guy on and off for about 5 years, during an off time he fell in love with another girl and they had a daughter together. Since then, they've been through a pretty messy break-up and me and him have started dating again. I really like him, and his daughter is amazing, but I can't handle all the drama that his ex puts him through. And aside from all that....I feel like I'm being pushed into being the new step-mom . And I don't think I'm ready for that. What should I do?
2007-02-05 03:33:19 · 12 answers · asked by jessica 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sounds like your question gives the answer!
You don't like drama and you are not ready to be step-mom!
Be his friend but not his boyfriend!
2007-02-05 03:37:05 · answer #1 · answered by me4tennessee 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Stay out of their business, is what you should do. If they have a child together, I can pretty much guarantee you that your boyfriend has seen, touched and felt most parts of her already. Of course they've slept together (probably more times than you know). Of course they're forever bonded by the child they share together. You, on the other hand, do not have a child with him? Then.. to her, you're a third wheel. Especially if *he's* the one who left her - or initiated the seperation in the first place. If you want to talk to someone as an adult, act like an adult yourself. You calling her after finding some picture on a cell phone, is NOT adult-like. That only shows your immaturity and insecurity to feel a need to start trouble -- OVER A PICTURE? (Again, like I said above, he's seen it all in real life anyway.. so what's the fuss over a picture?) Grow up enough to handle this situation like an adult -- or get out now. Your boyfriend's child doesn't need to be put through this unnecessary drama. Be a friend, be your partner's girlfriend -- but don't be a dramatic, me-me-me girl who thinks your boyfriend's entire world is going to change because YOU stepped into the picture.
2016-05-24 18:15:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well one thing is 4 sure if u want the daddy u have 2 except the full package and by that i mean his baby. If u can not except the fact that u r a step mom then u should not b in this relationship. As far as 2 the baby mama drama don't even worry about her she will eventually calm down and find herself a new man. If it seems 2 hard 4 u then u need 2 let him know and b honest with him. Good luck.
2007-02-05 03:39:56 · answer #3 · answered by Baby Gurl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1st it would depend on what kind of "drama" she is putting him through. Is it she wants him back again and then doesn't? Or is it more of not allowing him to see his daughter?
Being a step-mom and/or a mom is a wonderful (and sometimes overwhelming) experience. You need to stop and think about whether that is something you really want to do. It is not fair to his daughter for you to get involved half way and then decide that you dont want to do it. It isn't just about the 2 of you anymore, there is a child involved and now her needs need to come first.
As for the ex, if you decide that all of this is REALLY what you want, and that you really love him and his daughter....then just be there for him....and she should mellow out in time. Just dont give her the satisfaction of knowing she can get to you.
Good luck with your decision!
2007-02-05 03:41:18 · answer #4 · answered by daisy31 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can totally understand your situation. I'm in the same thing now. My fiance was married and had a child, and now him and I are engaged. Baby momma drama sucks! However, if you love the child and the man, walk away from her....ignore her...But, also let him know that it is bothering you. Make him put a stop to it. If he loves you and respect you, he will. As for the step mom thing...if you aren't ready for that, tell him. You guys aren't married so you aren't her step mom....but if you do get married you will be. You need to let him know that your his girlfriend and the child's friend but that's it for now...
2007-02-05 04:32:32 · answer #5 · answered by hokeygurl019 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a similar situation when my husband and I were dating he was under the impression that this child that he knew of as his for the past three years was his. When his ex found out we started dating she told him that she didn't want him in her daughter's life anymore and that he was not the real father. Since, I was 18 I was really glad to hear this, as I wasn't ready to be a step mom. Then after we married and had our own children she got her daughter taken by SRS, then they were trying to make us take care of a severely, bad child so bad in fact that she was later admitted for life into a state mental facility, because her mom feed her drugs and alcohol to make her sleep all the time. When they state tried to force us to take her, I was really resentful. As I didn't want a child with a past history of killing animals around my newborn baby. While we got a lucky out, in your case this woman and child will always be in your boyfriends life, that is the sad truth. If you aren't ready to deal with it I suggest you get out now as this woman and her drama is unlikely to change. The question is can you deal with it? It's unfair but it is a challege that you are going to have to ask yourself if you handle? As much as I hate to say it, had my husband not been able to reliquish his rights and responsibilities, I feel that I would have been unable to deal with this particular child and woman. I don't feel that way about all children, except for this one.
2007-02-05 03:53:33 · answer #6 · answered by Destiny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore the momma! If you accept the way his daughter is than you accept the way he is. Nobody is ready for anything. Just be her friend not like your taking her over or anything let the mom know that you are not trying to do anything and that shes always and forever gonna be his daughters mom.
2007-02-05 03:38:16 · answer #7 · answered by smile114 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself "Am I happier with or without him?"
"Is all the Baby Mama Drama worth the love I receive from him?"
"Will I be happy or miserable a year from now"?
2007-02-05 03:37:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Watch episode of Jerry Springer and Mauvy Povich and you'll learn every thing you need to know . And if you a groupie, you need to read Superhead's book.
2007-02-05 03:37:31 · answer #9 · answered by Legsology07 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Men are like buses, dear. Your first responsibility is to yourself. Don't worry, be happy.
2007-02-05 03:37:49 · answer #10 · answered by Dorothy and Toto 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋