My daughter has been pretty good up until about the last 2 years. Her father started telling her that she could move in with him as she was old enough to decide for herself who she wanted to live with. He was married or at least had a full time girlfriend until 2 years ago. When he was married or has a girlfriend my daughter comes 2nd know matter what. He never was interested in seeing her even on his weekends with her and during the summer he has visitation for 2 full weeks and out of the last 14 years has taken her twice but brought her back after a week. He told her he does not like being alone, and I think that is why he is paying attention to her now as he does not have a full time girlfriend so she is better than nothing. He tells her and me that he will let her do what ever she wants while she is with him and he does. I don't believe she should have that kind of freedom. It has been a week and he refuses to let me talk to her. I retained a lawyer but I am still worried about it
2007-02-05 03:10:54 · 9 answers · asked by blueblueyes2006 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
you have done your bit.
enjoy the break, she will be back soon, i promise.
and whats more, girls from 14 to 17/18 are (mostly) a nightmare esp with their mothers, dont interfer too much give her a space dont dictate (restrain yourself i know its hard!) tell her every day that you love her.
2007-02-05 21:22:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, I am a Long Term single parent, with a violent, abusive ex -- and yes, I had a child with problems like this (and the ex was also not willing to do anything for the children up to that point in time -- and yes, had 3+marriages/girlfriends/engagements BOTH During and AFTER the Divorce was finalized).
YOUR daughter wants this -- but it is her selfishness, her hormonal raging 'confusion' talking. I know that you are worried (and I was when my child did this), but ...
As long as he is not a physical danger to your daughter ... LET things FLOW .. and yes, eventually ... maybe not anytime soon, the child WILL see that this is NOT for the best (and it may take the teenager being in SERIOUS TROUBLE to see what they 'rejected' that was SO GOOD for them).
At this point, RELAX! So she is not talking to you .. send her a letter that says you care, but you know that she 'wants her space' for a time, but you will be there to LISTEN when she needs it.
I would NOT try to force contact. Just take this as a 'blessing' for yourself -- a vacation from having to deal with the 'attitudes' and 'problems' that teenagers bring into the home. I can say that PERSONALLY the time that this was done -- I was SO STRESSED to the MAX that when I finally had PEACE and QUIET -- I've been able to CHERISH and REALLY Enjoy that time .. and it was (and is!) GREAT!
It does not mean that you do not care (for you do!), just that we, as parents, need to let our teens face the CONSEQUENCES of their choices .. for they can't grow into RESPONSIBLE Adults any other way!
2007-02-05 03:55:55 · answer #2 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if your daughter wants freedom that her father will provide because teens like to feel as if they can do what they wants to do. In the long run though she will see her father true colors and she will realize that she needs stability and discipline in her life. Your husband will tie his own noose and hang himself with it over time. He might beg you to take her back in the long run when he realizes he's not mature enough to handle such a responsibility. Let it play out just as long as your daughter is not in any real danger.
2007-02-05 03:19:01 · answer #3 · answered by Sharisse F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough position to be in there is a syndorme called Parental Alination sysndrome there are numerpus websites to research this. It appears your ex-husband is doing exactly that by refusiong to let you speak to her. At 16 the child is old enough to decide where she wants to be but you do have rights for regular visitation,access to her academic report cards. I fiond my self in that situation with my ex-wife who lives in another city during last summer access visits the child (13) expressed a desire to live with me her dad.Then when mother got wind of it is now refusing to let me speak to my daughter.
2007-02-05 04:01:33 · answer #4 · answered by Alex H 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to fight for the well-being of your daughter. she is only 16 and does need all that freedom. god knows what can happen. she needs to live in a structured environment where there are rules. her father is doing this so he can get along with her , but still in the long run she will regret it
2007-02-05 03:20:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be a very hard lesson for her, but she will learn what living with dad is really like. Hang in there and just be there for her wen she comes back. She will need her mom.
I can't imagine him not letting her talk to you. That is just wrong. Getting an attorney is a smart thing to do.
2007-02-05 04:17:44 · answer #6 · answered by Bev 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let your lawyer do his job, the judge will see through this idiot and send her home to you. If anything this well give your daughter a good insight to what a jerk your ex is. Give her credit, you raised her well. Good luck.
2007-02-05 03:19:26 · answer #7 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something is fishy. Take him to court.
If he decides to kick your daughter out later on she will be crushed.
2007-02-05 03:49:00 · answer #8 · answered by RIZZO 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are doing the right thing
i wish you luck
2007-02-05 03:18:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋