What if you dislike your kid's friend?

Question

My 9-year-old daughter has a friend who is extremely intelligent, clever and boisterous. While those are great qualities, she's also loud, manipulative and deceitful (I caught her cheating at "pin the tail on the donkey" two years ago, for example.) She's a smart-mouth to adults, including her parents, and emotionally manipulates my daughter, often hurting her feelings. She's amazingly passive-aggressive for a 9-year-old. And my daughter adores her; they are best of friends.

I try to find things to like about the girl and be positive, but I dislike her more than I like her.

Thank you all for your helpful and kind answers.

Answer 1

You've actually had a great learning experience for your daughter dumped in your lap. The friends' negative behavior is a great beginning for meaningful dialogue with your child. Don't try to push your daughter away from this friend, that will only set up a power struggle. But, you can do some great things to help your daughter become discriminating about her friends. When your daughter is hurt by this friend, discuss what happened and how it caused someone pain. Ask your daughter what behaviors she likes in her friend, and what behaviors she doesn't. Ask your daughter why she thinks her friend behaves the way she does. Your daughter may be attracted to the "pizazz" of this friend, but helping her to see through the charisma to the person beneath is such a valuable lesson for her. Just think how much this will help her when it's time for her to date boys. Also, you don't have to like this child, but you can also set some limits on what behavior you will tolerate from her. You do this between yourself and this child, you do not put your own daughter in position between you.

Answer 2

Every parent wants nothing more than the best for there son/daughter, its only right that you are feeling the way you do about your daughters friend considering the information that you have given i think that most if not all parents would be just as skeptical about this other child as you are. The problem is like you said your daughter adores her, so if you try and separate them that would just send them closer together, so I'm afraid that you might just have to hope that they soon just grow apart or something happens that makes your daughter realize what type of child she is, and that she is brave enough and strong enough to get out it before it is to late.

Answer 3

i had a friend exactly the same way. she was funny, bright, fun and my best friend for years, but the issue was that i always put her before me, she lead me to do so. when you are in a relationship, whether you are 35 or 5, there needs to be compromise. this girl will do all of these negative things towards your daughter most likely b/c she is jelous or they are learning to speak and act on emotion. i think the best bet is for you to have a talk with her parents, or even have a talk with her and your daughter @ the same time. maybe you can even det up some play dates with other girls and show her that there are many people out there who she can have fun with that are more respectable etc....b/c sometimes all of the good just doesnt make up for the bad.

Answer 4

Sounds like her parents don't relate to her at all because of her intelligence and are neglecting their role as parents by not teaching her proper behavior and discipline. Poor kid. She wants boundaries and isn't finding any. That must be terrifying, like walking through a cave in the dark.

Just be sure you keep reminding your daughter how to behave properly and try to set a good example for the friend. If push comes to shove, your daughter comes first and if she isn't strong enough yet to overcome the friend's influence, you'll either have to make sure that they're always supervised, or you'll have to limit (severely if necessary) the time they're together.

Answer 5

My daughter had a friend like this, thank goodness she moved away. I used to bring up things that this girl did and discuss whether my daughter thought this was appropriate or not. You just have to hope that your daughter will not let this girl influence her but I believe unless there has been something really bad that she has done let your daughter play with her. Eventually she will most likely get tired of her. Your daughter needs to see the good and bad in people and learn how to choose friends herself. Good luck.

Answer 6

My son is 8 and has a friend like this. It seems every year my son seems to choose one friend that is like that. I've tried over and over to tell him that it's not a good friend but he doesn't get it. Apparently there is some character in the child the he likes. I used to battle him on this but then I spoke to my son's teacher and he told me my son was doing some of the stuff that I didn't like about the boy. I have since decided to let it ride out and see what happens. Telling my son to stay away from this child doesn't work because that only makes him want to play with him more. So I act like it's no big deal. He seems to be pulling away from him now.

Answer 7

sit your daughter down and have a conversation with her. Tell her how you feel about her friend, and reasons why and let her make a decision on her own. If she chooses to keep her as a friend be supportive because you know that eventually she will learn her lesson the hard way and then you can be there for her when it happens.

Answer 8

She's nine. It's not her fault, it's her parents that have raised her to get away with that garbage.

I've had a similar situation. I made sure the little smart mouth didn't fire off any disrespect towards me. If he did, he went home. I also took care to make sure that his momma and daddy weren't taking advantage of me (the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree) with their manipulations. They decided they didn't like us as much after awhile when they realized they weren't going to live off me. When I started making their child behave at my house, he started staying home more.

He was notorious for starting fist fights with my son (my son was bout 6 at the time and very forgiving). If he won, then he expected adults to stay out of it. If he lost, he expected my child to be punished. I finally broke him of crying to me. He came to complain that my child had hit him. I asked if he threw a punch. He said no, he didn't start it or retaliate. In my frustration I said, "Well sounds to me like you lost the fight." The kid tucked his head and walked home.

To be honest, I really wasn't sure how I was going to handle it long term. I prayed about it. The boy's daddy got transfered to a job 300 miles away. "Thank you Jesus, let's move on," was all I could say.

Answer 9

I too dislike a couple of my daughters friends for the same reason. I just try to help my daughter understand that not everyone is a true friend and help her see the person's ways!!

Of course at seven, my daughter doesn't Get it at ALL!!!

Answer 10

those are undesirable! I too have some pals who've undesirable style in names. some examples: Treydon Locus aura excitement Campbell Elliot (woman) Jacobson Port (Campbell's brother) Harvard Lennon (lots to stay as a lot as!!)