How do you tell a friend that you don't want them to be a bridesmaid?

Question

My wedding is next year and my friends are just as excited about it as I am. My fiance have decided that we will have no more than 6 couples as part of the wedding party. He already knows who his 6 groomsmen are going to be, and I know who my 6 girls are going to be. We never really asked any of them to be part of the wedding party, because we are so close to them, so when they heard we were getting married, they automatically knew they were in! But, 3 other girls assumed they would be my bridesmaids as well. Two of these girls are my childhood friends. We went to elementary and middle school together, and were the best of friends back then. Now, I talk to them every once in a blue moon, one more than the other. The other girl is my co-worker. I don't want her to stand in the wedding because we've had several falling outs before. All the girls currently standing in the wedding have earned their place. What do I do?

Two of the girls standing in the wedding are my co-workers. We are very good friends and they are close to my fiance and his friends as well. Two othher girls went to high school and college with me and I see them every day. Another girl is my fiance's sister and then my niece is going to be a junior bridesmaid.

Answer 1

Tell the women you don't want in the party that though they hold a special place in your life (if this is true) that you and your fiance have settled on only 6 attendants each and while it was a very difficult decision you chose to ask (the women you chose). If you care to go into the particulars of why you chose the others over them, do that. But if you do, be honest. Tell them exactly the reason why they weren't chosen - especially the woman with whom you've had several falling-outs. I have 3 maids and I didn't ask one friend because we too have had several falling-outs in the past, I don't want my wedding day to be near and we have another fall-out! This is your day, make it as special as you can and if the women can't understand that, it's their issue not yours. But if you plan to keep them as even acquaintances, try to be as diplomatic (but honest, honesty is the key) as possible. Good luck.

Answer 2

Just be honest with the girl. Honesty is the best policy. Tell her but you have a special place of Honor for her at your wedding. Since she will be the only one of your friends left out of the wedding party, she will not miss it, when she is told how much she is needed by you for this special duty on your wedding day. If she is a good friend she will understand. She could be one of your MC's, or she could be given the task of reciting or reading a poem you both love at the reception, at a church wedding she could be a reader, she could be the Photographer's or the Wedding Coordinator's right-hand person. Just get her doing something so that she will not feel left out. After all you do not want any of your friends to be hurt on your wedding day. It is such an honor to have all these friends want to be bridesmaids..you obviously have been a good friend all these years. On your wedding day, you do want all of these special ladies to feel your love for them as they feel for you. She could be dressed almost like the bridesmaids, with a similar shade as the others. Tell her because you two work so closely together, you thought she would be the perfect one for this special duty on your wedding day.. If she is a good friend she will feel very honored and thrilled. Good Luck

Answer 3

I can already see this happening to me when I get married! I also have a few childhood friends who would think they will be my bridesmaids but I've lost touch with them over the years and only speak to them when they call and want something from me (my bridesmaids are going to be family due to this). I've also thought about how I'm going to let them down easily and have a couple of ways to do it.
Plan #1) sugar-coated (tell the truth, just leave out details): "well, I really just want my family up there with me." (that one's mainly for my situation. You can alter it however you like, of course) or "[Your future husband] doesn't know many people and we want the number of bridesmaids/groomsmen to be equal and [the number of people in the party] is all he knows." (the second one may work best for your situation).
Plan #2) right-between-the-eyes: "look, you know I love you but we just aren't close enough anymore (or "all the spots are already filled for people I know I want in my wedding"). However, I would love for you to be involved in some other way such as [something that can be planned and handled by one of the girls who will not be a bridesmaid]". (Will be disappointed about not being in the bridal party but happy/honored that you have chosen them to handle something else)
Plan #3) duck-and-weave: [get on the subject of your wedding with the girls who will not be bridesmaids] "so, yeah, I've decided who the final line-up of my bridesmaids will be: [name off bridesmaids]. I think six will be plenty". (should leave them speechless to the subject. Perhaps a little put off that their name wasn't on the list but should respect your decision. Make sure you let them know in some way the decision is final)
There really is no easy way to break it to them. I'm dreading the day I'll have to be in this situation. But it has to be done. Good luck!

Answer 4

When you see them share with them all the plans for the wedding and make sure you tell them that this person is wearing ... and these are wearing... then if they ask, tell them you would love to have them attend, but all your wedding party is already planned. My daughter and her cousins always talked about being in each other's weddings, and in some cases it happened and in some it didn't a true friend wouldn't assume she was in, and someone that would assume, could be wrong.

Answer 5

It doesn't matter who is who -- what matters is the way things are done. It is important to ask your 6, clearly, formally, and specifically. If possible, do it in person with each, and handle this task all in one day. Then, you are done. You don't have to tell the others anything. They will understand when they hear that you have asked the 6 but not them. Also, don't call them or email CC them about any bridesmaid business whatsoever.

Answer 6

Just tell them the truth and the sooner the better. There are other things those girls can do for you at wedding or reception. The longer you put off telling them the harder this will become. DO IT NOW

Answer 7

just be HONEST that's the only thing you can do but don't expect a gift or card or well wishes hurt feelings are going to happen and well some can be babies about it while others will be OK cool.. so good luck and remember don't wait till the last min.. they may plan a wedding day drama you don't need or want....

Answer 8

I agree with finding alternate jobs for these three girls.
Guest book attendant and two greeters.

If you ask them to do these jobs then they wont assume anything. I wonder why they are assuming anything anyway, have you led them to believe they will be your bridesmaids in some way?

Answer 9

just tell them, what you told us, that you've already chosen your bridesmaids, and that as much as you wish you could have them all (little white lie maybe, but it's polite) in the wedding, you can only have 6, and you've chosen the ones whom you and your fiance are closest to.

Answer 10

Tell them that you have to narrow the number of bridemaids down to 6 and you have chosen the people you spend the most time with. If they can't accept that, they are not your friends.