wedding headaches..........?

Question

November 3, 2007 is supposed to be my big day, but who else thinks that the whole "wedding planning" thing is just a big head ache, stress filled, not so much a happy thing. Because I'm almost ready to say F*** It, it's been that stressfull.
And if you have once been in this situation but found a solution please share. Thanks

Answer 1

I always had big ideas in my head about how my wedding would be and all the minute details I could add. Then it turned out I had to plan my wedding in 6 weeks. It was so stressful in those six weeks, that I am SO glad that I didn't have more time to plan. I think you need to figure out what is most important to you in your plans. Do only what's most important, scale back, and delegate tasks. Then in the end if you want to add details, you can. Right now, get your basics taken care of. If you can afford to, hire a planner. Or you can elope :)

Answer 2

Well...weddings can get out of hand and you and your fiance should try to agree first what you want...how much you have to spend...who is going to pay for what....and how your families are going to be involved. This may get some of the headaches that come up solved.

Then decide what you will enjoy doing and what you won't...what really is important to you, and what isn't....so that you can do what you most enjoy, and delegate to someone else what you don't....and you will get to decide what really matters...and delegate what you don't care about to your mom, etc.

Then make a schedule because nov sounds far, but really isn't....
get your dresses ordered first...or planned who is making them....
Allow six months before the wedding...they take 3 months to order...then double it...so if the wrong thing comes, you still have time.

It is you and your fiance that should decide what you want....then have a meeting with relatives to communicate it. Stick to what matters most, and listen to what they would like on the things that don't matter...so they feel it will be a wedding they will enjoy, too.

Weddings are family events....a great memory if all goes well...they need a lot of help and a lot of communication....and sometime you need to be firm...it is your wedding. But keep in mind moms and dads have been looking forward to this day and communicate carefully...

Letting everyone know....if we can't work together, we'll plan something else...will probably calm everyone down.
And try to let them help....in the long run, you need to just have fun as much as possible....

And re-check everything at the last two weeks...you'ld be surprised how many things get forgotten that you arranged. It pays to re-check!

Answer 3

Well, you have fallen into the great white wedding trap. Weddings are big industry. That industry would have you believe that every teensy tiny detail must be planned to the Nth degree, and if one little thing isn't perfection embodied, then your wedding is a failure!

Give up perfection! Ask for and then allow your friends and family to help. Don't worry about all the things that really won't make a difference to your day.

I know this is easier said than done, but try to delegate as much as you can. Rest and take care of yourself! You can do this, and still have a happy wedding day!

Good luck!

Answer 4

The solution that I realized only worked (after the ceremony), was: don't fixate on 'perfection'. Brides (& the average female) are into details, details, details. The right flower, the right colors, everything has to be exactly the way you want it. This begins the stress. You may notice you don't want to give an inch on hardly anything. Then if you are forced to change or compromise, you get upset about it. The stress elevates. If you don't want certain people's two cents, but the groom to be isn't really 'into it', your stress skyrockets to danger levels. By the time you near the day of your rehearsal & the dinner, you feel as if you need a vacation from planning your wedding before you can get married & go on your honeymoon. If you encounter additional headache fodder, such as trying to accommodate 2 religious backgrounds or the your mom vs his mom problems, or the ALMIGHTY GUEST LIST (sorry for yelling)...you are close to bouncing off the ceiling.

The key things to do are to try to not sweat the small stuff: it seems so major right now that if one bridesmaid doesn't like or look right in the dress you chose, this will throw things off so much, and whenever you think of it you can see her choice sticking out like a sore thumb in the pictures.

Your favorite flower won't be available in your favorite color without costing you part of the national debt. The tablecloths come in vanilla, which LOOKS like the ivory you want, but has a bit too much yellow. Or you want ivory, but your reception site only carries white. Or vice versa.

And so on...

The myriad decisions involved in planning a major event can become nightmarish if you don't decide (or learn to) RELAX.

Try to take a day off when you need to, to de-stress & consider what is most important (hopefully you can see this) is that you marry the man you love & he marries you back. :)

Concentrate on YOU. If you believe you look your best (despite adjustments), then you will be a beautiful bride. No one will notice the things you can see that 'go wrong'.

Have you ever had a friend stress over a date, and you tell her she looks great, but she changes clothes 20 more times anyway? That's the wedding planning experience. If the guy likes her, he wouldn't care if she showed up in paint splattered jeans & her brother's tee shirt.

You are halfway there already, because you know how your guy feels, so while you may want to wow him & everyone else, you two or the only ones that matter. Wow him, and skip everyone else.

Did you ever consider that those who elope becase they are fed up with the planning, could have had the wedding they wanted, if they looked at it like an elopement ceremony: him, her, and to heck with the details.

Don't stress those details so much. That's what causes the weariness. And if people are disagreeing around you, let them know, we can still elope, and then there will be no wedding to disagree about. (You will hopefully think of a response that works for you.)

Once you hit that day, things will begin to move so fast, you will likely not notice very much of all that you stressed over anyway.

Plan to be the first bride ever that went thru a wedding and shared the reigns...with someone you trust. And a few others you trust if your #1 person can't handle everything. They have to know you well, and be willing to make the hard choices for you, if something you wanted isn't possible.

Then, each time something happens, breathe deeply, close your eyes and say I trust you, and let them try to find an alternate you wouldn't mind instead.

You, visit a spa. Spend the day there if you can. Or go swimming, and spend plenty of time alone with your groom. Unless you have the rare man who is into details & weddings, he may be feeling overwhelmed. And neglected.

Check on developments enough to know what is going on, that things are being accomplished in a timely manner & staying on track. Be more vigilant about your dress. Then, if you need to check on the progress, be prepared to not panic if something isn't 'right'. Just make necessary adjustments, and move on.

Remember: don't sweat the small stuff, or you can find yourself with one headache after another.

Try to loosen up, have fun, and let others have the headaches. Everything will then seem like a breeze.

Think: If we have to have hamburgers at the rehearsal dinner, how much will that upset me? Then plann to have burgers outside, or an inside picnic if it rains. Or snows.

And plan to have the best time of your life even if you have to walk down the aisle to cd music (I did. I wanted violins, and a trumpet or two. I got a cd. I had planned on having a Big Name gown, but ended up with something else, still great, still designer, but not THE ONE. I had planned on having a great lengthy honeymoon. We got 3 days, and he was sick with food poisoning for two and a half of those. I watched tv.) I did get the ring I wanted. :D

We have been married for nearly 25 years. And I, am a detail person. He doesn't mind. Much. :)

Hope this helps!

Answer 5

the wedding thing is a big headache, but every bride seems to want to that headache.
the best thing to do is one thing at a time. and yes it easier to say than do, but honestly, one thing at a time.
example: wedding invitations - have an idea what you want - instead of running all over town, pick two printers, check their references and then get prices from both and make a choice. pretty much every printer is going to have the same stock, same ideas, so save yourself the stress!
and remember the more 'unique' you want your invitation, cake, dress, flowers, decorations, etc. to be, the more stress you are inviting into your life. keep it simple, even the most elegant, formal wedding can be kept simple.
a lot of the stress is simply due to too much fussing and demanding. the only other thing i can suggest is once you have made up your mind about things, make it clear to everyone that the decision is made and you dont want any further suggestions [read interference]. just say it kindly and sweetly.
just remember this nov. 3rd shouldn't be about impressing everyone in your world, this day is about a committment you are making to someone you love and are going to share the rest of your life with.
good luck!

Answer 6

just remember that it really isn't about the wedding, it is really about the marriage, but our culture has skewed it so. I lost my caterer 2 weeks before my wedding and had to make the food for my cocktail party reception for 125. I am in the food business, so I knew what I was doing, but it still sucked. I was so tired and stressed I really don't remember the day. If you have the money, by all means get a planner that you like and trust. Otherwise delegate the planning to someone in the family or a friend whom you trust.

Answer 7

I know. I just got married three weeks ago and sometimes I feel like I was gonna go crazy. I found that it helps to have some activities in your life that has absolutely nothing to do with your wedding. Go out to eat, go bowling, go to a movie but make sure that it not wedding related;not even in conversation. What helped me also was spending time time with my husband and just talking about stuff other than the wedding. Always, remember to do one thing at a time and get help from friends and family members.

You will be fine and you will see that on the day, things will be just beautiful.

Congratulations.

Answer 8

When i got married everyone made everything hard. from the dress the cake the decorations it was a mess. One thing i wish i would have known that on your wedding day you wont even notice the little things. Just breath and relax and everything will be ok. just take one thing at a time and if things get to hard then dont be afraid to ask for help just make sure when you do ask someone it will be someone that will do what you want not what they want. good luck and remember this is your wedding and have fun.

Answer 9

Weddings, along with Funerals, are modern mans last ditch attempt at Pagan rituals. There all about showing off to our friends and truly mean nothing to the ones we're marrying. Get smart, Small wedding 10 people tops, Nice dinner after, save the money and put it on that little house or the furnishings you'll need. When the big wedding is over, it will be just like Christmas,
all the headaches for one day and then it's over and your left wishing you had saved the money.

Answer 10

Hi Tiffany, my fiancee and I are getting married on 10/20 of this year and I had been going through the same thing. People are always going to "advise" you. My fiancee's mother added 70 people to our guest list, his cousin (who I asked to be a bridesmaid-mistake!) is angry because we're having a Jack & Jill instead of a stag party, and another bridesmaid is complaining about the dress. It got very stressful for awhile, and put a wedge between my fiancee and I. I said more than once "forget it!" but things calmed down, I got myself organized, and told each person including his mother, what my intentions were, and very kindly but sternly said "this is our day **note: "ours" not "mine" and these are the decisions that we've made. Please respect what we've chosen. I've come to one thought. "It's only a wedding" so pick and choose your battles. Everything is fine for me now, and I'm doing most everything myself (with my fiancee's help) and only cluing people in when I need them! Or, you can do it the old fashioned way and elope! I wish you the very best, it'll get better if you keep smiling~outclass them! Congratulations!