she couldn't stand the pressure in U.S. She left my dad and me went back to china by herself but then she attempted to commit suicide 4 times. I don't know how to forgive her and forget everything that's happened because of her actions. I just can't forget how much pain she brought to our family to me. Now she wants to be back with me and my dad i'm scared that i can't accept her anymore. I just can't forgive what she's done. I felt extremely betrayed because she was my hero and the person i look up to since i was a toddler. She let me down completely and it hurt so much. I don't know what to do. She hurt me so much to a point I just don't want to see her or talk to her. Is it so wrong to dislike her because of all this?
2007-02-05 02:19:21 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think everybody has times when they dislike one or both of their parents. But you do have to respect her and the very fact that she gave you life.
It makes me sad when mothers especially can't find it in themselves to nurture and love their children in the way they were meant to do. I'm sorry your mother has let you down, and no, you don't have to like her. But you should try to understand and forgive her in your lifetime.
2007-02-05 02:51:22 · answer #1 · answered by Sweet n Sour 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you dislike your mom, only hurt by what she did. But try to remember she too was hurting and so much so that she had to leave the country and attempted suicide. Yes, you were upset and felt betrayed that she left the family but it's more than just you being hurt. If both you and your dad are scared of being let down again, maybe you all should go to family therapy to work this out. If your mom does not have her own family to come back to and lean on for support, where can she go. Maybe you can't forgive now, but maybe if you gave therapy and time a chance, time might let you do that in the future.
2007-02-05 02:49:51 · answer #2 · answered by pathfindercia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can see why you dislike her. But maybe there were other things that you don't know about that made her move back to China? No one says you have to forget, but I think you should forgive her. She is after all you mother. She messed up big time but might of been going through major depression. Mom's are human too and make mistakes.
I would forgive her because it's said if you can't forgive others than God won't forgive you. It's hard and I'm not asking you to forget what happened or that what she did wasn't horrible, but I believe everyone deserves a second chance. Especially since she's your mom.
She could be gone tomorrow and you might be left with some major regrets? Good luck, sorry your hurting.
2007-02-05 02:27:08 · answer #3 · answered by pearl28 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother obviously had some emotional problems that she handled poorly. I hope she has found help and is now better. Forgiveness is necessary if you want to stop hurting; it's more for you than for her. Forgiveness doesn't mean you'll ever forget. It means you no longer will allow it to damage your emotions or your attempt to have a decent relationship with your mother. I doubt that she was a bad person but just a person who couldn't stand the pressures of a foreign country. Of course she let you down but she was in enough emotional pain she couldn't think of anything clearly at that time. Now she's apparently ready to try again to be a better wife and mother. If you can give her a chance you will be a better person for it and with time, you may be very glad you did.
2007-02-05 03:16:46 · answer #4 · answered by missingora 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do sympathize with you and I understand how you could feel the way you do. However, I do not believe that you don't dislike your mom. I believe that you are hurting and have been for a very long time and these feelings have had time to manifest into something bigger than you can manage on your own. First I suggest that you have your doctor refer you to a pyschotherapist (not a pyschiatist, as medication is not what you need). The psychotherapist allows you to speak freely about your feelings and help you to find ways in which to cope with them. In the end you will be able to cope with the pain and resentment you feel towards your mother. This will take time and you will probably become more angry throughout this process as you remember and rehash all the pent up hurt and feelings. But there will eventually be a calm (after the storm).
You have a right to be angry at your mom as she changed the family dynamics when she left and this definitely robbed you of the childhood you could have had.
On the other hand your mom was obviously having difficulties of her own. The stress became too much for her and she ran away from it all. Had she gotten professional help for he troubles things may have turned out different. Moving to a new country does take it's toll. Some choose to stay and brave it, others cannot return to their homeland but some definitely have to brave it and go back or they would probably go crazy. This could have been the case for your mom. Keep in mind that this move may have been good for your mother which is why she now fels ready to face life in the U.S.
No one tries to commit suicide if they do not have mental issues. Your mom was obvious fighting a lot of demons and it became too much for her that she thought ending her life would be better than continuing this way. Living with a mentally ill mom (without medication) in my opinion is worst than living without a mom.
As I mentioned before, you need to get some help for yourself first , and only then will you be able to face your mom. She will need you and your father's forgiveness in order for her to move on as well. This all won't happen overnight but will take some time. Baby steps is what you will need to take as this is a very sensitive issue for your family.
Even though you may not forgive her, remember that dad may have already or may forgive her before you do. You need to allow him to do so if he so chooses.
Obviously you do love her or you would not hurt so much. Give yourself the opportunity to heal and only then will you forgive. Your mom have a lot of explaining to do and she probably will, in time. You and dad have a lot of questions to ask and rightfully so, in time.
One day at a time. Don't forget to pray. Through God all things are possible. This is not a lost cause. A painful one I might add but it is repairable. What you feel is natural and you have the right to. But you have to heal or this will consume your life. And you will only go downhill from there.
Get the help you need and deserve. Let us all know the outcome. Take care of yourself.
2007-02-07 05:23:43 · answer #5 · answered by M G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not know the circumstances that led her to all the things you describe about her. If it were all justified would you still be angry with her?
If she did all these things to protect you without you knowing it, would it be forgivable?
How are you going to know who she is and what really happened when you won't give her a chance to be back in your life?
Take a time out from your egotistical issues and allow her back. in due time ask her about things without pressuring her to answer. Some of her answers may surprise you. If after giving her an opportunity, you still feel the same, then make your decision and let her know how you feel..
2007-02-05 02:27:24 · answer #6 · answered by Hot Rod 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is normal for you to feel this way, but you need to forgive your mother. After all, she is only human and may have some really huge issues she needs counseling to deal with in more positive ways. Sounds like depression got the best of her and I'm sure she probably doesn't like herself much either. Love endures all things so show her your love and help her get in to counseling. Her living skills need some help before her attempts at suicide become successful in the future. We only get one real mom!
2007-02-05 02:37:55 · answer #7 · answered by froggsfriend 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
totally forgive your mom, God says honor your parents and he hasn't changed His mind yet. Then this will lighten your heart also, sort of free you up, It hurts but who doesn't do wrong things? she has some very hurtful issues to deal with herself, obviously, nobody leaves a happy home. You din't see her grief because you are the child of the family, and she kept you innocent of the troubles going on in her mind. she will always be your mom, forgive her, work on ways to make your own life better, be happy, and just accept her. Your own personal happiness is your choice now. you will always find kids who had much worse mothers.
2007-02-05 02:29:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
nicely on your case, no you do not might desire to love your mom. an outstanding sort of folk will say "Oh she gave start to you, she raised you, and so on." yet that doesn't precisely make a mom. A mom is somebody who's there for you for all time, no remember what the circumstances. it sort of feels the way your mom cheated you and your loved ones you have a suited to unlike right here. in the adventure that your stepmom is advantageous to you and your father, follow that. i'm particular she cares lots approximately you.
2016-09-28 11:01:56 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to remember that your mother is a human being with thoughts and feelings of her own. If you try to identify with her, with what she was going through at the time, and try to understand that she needed to take care of her own problems, and that it wasn't personal against you, you just may be able to forgive her. Give her a chance - she's your mother and you only get one in this lifetime.
2007-02-05 02:24:23 · answer #10 · answered by T Time 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋