22 yr old son living with us who has a job, but wont help out financially, cuz he says his money is his money!

Question

We asked him to give us $50 a week to help out with expenses...groceries and bills. He threw a fit and said his money is his money and that he was keeping it! He says he's in the right and that he doesn't have to give us anything! The boy has no bills what so ever, he blows his money on himself. Ooops, no wait! He has one bill...(Car Insurance), but his grandmother pays that for him cuz she likes spoiling him! He makes $270 a week after taxes, thats almost a $1100 a month. Who's right and what should we do?

Answer 1

Is he serious? :-o

Ok - well teach him a lesson... the food you buy is your food etc... make him buy his own food for a couple weeks... see how quickly he changes his attitude.

If he thinks he's in the "right" by not giving you anything to help out... well, tell him that since he's not longer considered a dependant, you don't actually have to give him anything, either. It will surely piss him off... but he'll realize pretty quick that giving you 50$ a week is a heck of a lot cheaper than buying all his own stuff.

Answer 2

Research the cost to maintain an apartment in your area. Figure the cost of rent, phone, water and electricity. Then you give him a choice. Either he pays you 50.00 a week to live in your home, or he pays to live on his own and give him the average cost that you come up with after you research it. It sounds to me that maybe he really has no idea how much money it actually takes to live independently. Maybe once you actually show him in black and white he will get the idea. I don't think 50.00 a week is too much, if anything it is actually quite generous. I had moved out at 18 and I made it work making near minimum wage, but wages haven't exactly kept up to speed with inflation so I am not so sure he makes enough to live on his own. I did move back home for a few months in between leases when I was 20. I was paying my parents 400.00 a month. And this was almost 10 years ago. So 200.00 is a bargain. Where on earth would he find room and board for 200.00 a month? He doesn't realize how lucky he is, and as his parent, you need to make sure he understands how good he actually has it. If he is still resistant to helping you, then start charging him on a use by use basis. If you cook his dinner, charge him 5.00 and make him pay you before he eats it. If he grabs a soda from the fridge, charge him 50 cents. Put a lock on his door that only you have the key to, and charge him 10.00 a night to stay there. Unlock the door after he pays, but do not give him the key. Also charge him a fee if you are doing his laundry or cleaning up after him. Sometimes tough love is the only thing that works, but I guarantee he will soon realize how much he actually gets for such a small amount of money. Good luck.

Answer 3

Consider that it would be impossible for someone making $270 a week to support themselves. That is below the minimum wage. I don't know what kind of job he has, but it can't be a very good one. You will probably need to be of some help. Not only does he need to pay some money, I think he also has an obligation to share in the work around the house.
Lay down the law. If he chooses not to pay something for room and board, then tell him he has to move out. Set a deadline...say two weeks. If he fails to comply, then just gather up his stuff while he is at work and put it on the front porch, lock the door. A couple of nights on the street or in a homeless shelter might just be the awakening he needs to fully appreciate what you are offering.

Answer 4

Kick him out? If he wants to be that stingy with his money and not help out then tell him to move out and get his own place. Theres no reason he shouldn't help out with expenses. He's an ADULT. He should at the very least buy his OWN groceries and pay towards the phone and heating bill as well as a bit for rent. Sit down, draw up a contract, and set some rules. If he disagrees to them, give him 30 days to get his own place. Btw...make him realize that on THAT amount of money a month, he probably wouldnt make it too long on his own since rent for 1 bedroom places is even getting ridiculously high.

Answer 5

You are in the right! Tell him that starting on his next paycheck he either gives you $50 a week to help pay expenses or he has exactly one month to get a place of his own and move out! Tell him you love him but that he's got to grow up and be responsible! He's 22 and still lives at home; it's time he learns what it's like to be a grown up!

Answer 6

22 year old son living with you? You obviously made some questionable partenting choices a long time ago that produced this bum, but still you shouldn't have to pay for it after he is 18 other than perhaps being embarassed socially. Get a rental agreement and ask him to sign it. If he refuses call the police and have him arrested for trespassing. If he does sign it, and doesn't pay, call the police and have him evicted and they will throw him in the street. The best news is, once you go to court for the money, often they will let you garnish the goods such as furniture or electronics he left in your house without permission as payment in kind for the deficit in rent money.

Answer 7

I wouldn't even fight with him, just let him know that he has about two weeks before his keys no longer work, so he should find another place to live. If his car is on your insurance, then let him know that he also needs to find his own policy. If the car isn't in his name, make him pay to have the title changed, and keep the keys until it is in his name and insured.

You're going to also have to get the grandmother on board. If you can convince her that paying his bill for him is keeping him from becoming self sufficient, she should get on board.

Stick to your guns on this. He'll realise when he starts looking at apartments that $200 a month is a bargain, but you can't let him stay. He sounds like he needs a kick in the *** to get him going, and who else is going to give it to him if not you.

Answer 8

3 words....KICK HIM OUT. I don't want to intrude and seem like i know what I'm talking about, cause honestly, i'm only 14 :S But obviously, you've got a self consious son who takes all the money for himself. Once he lives in his own house, and pays for everything, he'll see just how well you were treating him. At 22, he should already be on his own. (I mean if he were in school or something, then i understand you'd want to help him out instead of him paying for a dorm or house on campus, but if he's not returning the favour, why should you continue?)
If he still pulls fits when things aren't fair, tell him while he's in your house, eating the food and using the stuff YOU buy, he will abide by your rules. If he doesn't comply, he can make his own rules at his own house.

Answer 9

At age 19 our son obtained employment and immediately offered to take over the responsibility of paying a bill for us...cable and internet connection which with all the bells and whistles was at the time $111.00 a month. We have not charged any of our children board because quite frankly neither my parents nor my husband's expected this from us and we've carried that through to our own chiildren.

Our son was living on his own from age 22 to 24 but asked if he could stay with us to save money for his marriage which is the end of this month. In return he took over the cell, cable, internet and phone bill, without hesitation and without our expecting it. He has carried that bill on his own for 2 years. He does have it easier than most however as he works for my husband who has a company and thus he's never had to 'hunt' for employment and he gets a decent salary.

The amount your son is being asked to pay is absolutely miniscule compared to what he will pay in the big bad world of reality. If he does absolutely nothing except enjoy himself, perhaps it's time you gave him an ultimatum. Help or be on his own because quite frankly, $50/week is an incredible bargain and it's a shame he doesn't realize it. He probably eats more than that in fast foods in a week!

You'd be best to inform him that as of, say, April, you expect him to have a place of his own. That you've not asked for much from him, that $50 does not cover a great deal including any meals he eats at home or water he uses for showers, or laundry etc. If you are still doing his laundry? Stop! Still cooking and serving his meals? Stop! If the car he drives happens to be owned by you or you purchased it for him? Curtail his use of it.

This will of course cause all kinds of fall out, but you have raised this young man for 22 years now...he has it very good and he knows it. He has failed however to learn/understand the full extent of responsibility that a man his age should have acquired along the way and thus unless he obtains those lessons, he'll be a lost and incapable person next year, 5 years from now etc.

Stick to your guns, remain the parental authority (he's under your roof he follows your rules...doesn't like? Doesn't need to stay). If you hold tight, one of two things will happen...he'll finally agree, he'll storm out (probably sponge of Grandma), or he'll find he has to flounder in the big world and will appreciate what he had.

Good luck with this, it's tough being a parent, but it's tougher being one to an adult child who just doesn't want to get his act together and doesn't appreciate the breaks you have been giving him.

Answer 10

This is so easy! Kick him out unless he pays $50 a week. Tell him that he has one month to make his decision (which is plenty of time to find a place).

He is obviously spoiled, and after learning how much it costs to live on his own, he will either come back and contribute or will be gone into the world with no issues for you!