that there are no sparks and that she wants to break up but wants to remain friends does that mean that she will never feel the sparks or is she trying to tell me that she just needs time? I even got her saying "if you arent friends with me you will never know." Although she told me that i shouldnt wait, and that i "shouldnt settle for less," i feel like she is afraid. She has been through a lot over the past fews years (2 brain surgeries and a real jerk for a boyfriend), and prior to dating she told me that "she kind of swore off men before i came around and that she doesnt know how she feels about me." according to her, i am "everything she wants in a boyfriend, and she has a lot of fun when shes with me." she just doesnt get the butterflies. Am I doomed? should i just move on? Or is she trying to tell me that things will change if i stick around? SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY PLEASE!
2007-02-05 00:35:58 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
could being afraid be the reason there is no spark? Maybe she doesnt know what she wants and is hiding her feelings? Is this a normal thing that women do? thanks for all the input :)
2007-02-05 01:03:09 · update #1
she told me that she really likes me and wants the butterflies but she just doenst have them. I dont want to stop talking to her because i helped her out of her after surgery depression and most of her friends abandoned her. I really care about her and dont want to lose her, i want to do the right thing.
2007-02-05 01:10:20 · update #2
Be her best friend. She has been through a lot as you stated, but she still values you. Be there for her, don't pressure her. I would still take others to dances and stuff, just be a great friend and maybe her feelings will change.
2007-02-05 00:53:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok I have recently told a guy the exact same thing. So take it from me...she WANTS to like you, but she just doesn't feel the chemistry. She still likes that you pay attention to her, but she doesn't want a relationship with you. If she doesn't feel the butterflies, that's probably not going to change. But don't be too insulted, there are plenty of attractive people out there that we just don't feel that chemistry with. It's not your fault and there's nothing you can do to change it. Unfortunately she can't either. So even though she probably still wants you to hang around, it's probably in your best interest to move on. That way you can get over her faster. But at least end things on good terms. She respected you enough to be honest about it. It's a lot easier to be a jerk than to tell the truth so she at least cares about your feelings. Maybe you can be friends someday once you no longer have feelings for her, but don't get in the situation where you're just being strung along and hanging onto false hopes.
PS No one is afraid of being with someone that they like. Would you be afraid of being in a relationship with someone you really liked? Basically, males and females really don't think that differently. If it's not something you would do, it's probably not something we would do either. Just keep that in mind and your relationships will be much easier to figure out in the future. Good luck and hang in there, you'll meet someone that you give butterflies to:)
PS If you feel that strongly about still being her friend, then go for it. Like I said, she hasn't lied to you or done anything to cause you to be mean to her, but if your feelings are hurt and spending time with her just upsets you more, it's not a good idea to be around her. It's good that you care and want to be there for her, but you also have to consider your own feelings.
2007-02-05 08:54:37 · answer #2 · answered by Ms. M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not doomed. Judging by what she said, you are very special to her. Friendship can turn to love but it takes time and longer for those who have been hurt. You said she had a jerk boyfriend and kinda swore off men.....so she may be having an issue with trust. Be the best friend you can possibly be and she may come to see you more and more in a romantic way over time. Hang in there and don't give up. Best of luck.
2007-02-05 08:50:27 · answer #3 · answered by Patricia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move on! If she does not feel the spark now then she might never feel it. You have the choice to wait around while she loses respect for you or move on and chances are she may realize what a mistake she has made by letting you go. You know the saying you don't know what you had till its gone? Give it a try what do have to lose?
2007-02-05 08:48:58 · answer #4 · answered by dettie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Back away give her a lot of space no contact. If she doesn't come to you i guess you have your answer. There are no shortage of girls out there why chose 1 that plays so hard to get????????? Just my thought.Don't try to figure out whats she thinking listen to what she said.
Smile it breaks the ice with saying a word.
2007-02-05 08:49:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay friends. If she is just afraid, let her deal with it herself, But at the same time, be there as a friend. Take one step at a time. You'll never know what will happen.
But at the same time, move on with your life....meet people, date other girls.......Don't concentrate on just her..
Whatever will be, will be
2007-02-05 08:49:00 · answer #6 · answered by chardonnayormerlot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like she been thru a bit. give her more time. but do offer her sincere friendship. maybe over time, she might realise that u really care about her and think twice. good luck!
2007-02-05 08:41:11 · answer #7 · answered by littlepurplebugz 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
only time will tell....give it a chance and if in a couple of months there hasn't been a change, move on...good luck
2007-02-05 08:40:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think she needs time . she does not want to loose u, so she prefers to stay friends.
who knows?, may be, that friendship grows through time to become love for ever.
do not push so hard, give her space, she knows wat to do, but no far for long time coz that time can make her forget u. so middle in everything. good luck
2007-02-05 09:10:00 · answer #9 · answered by gentle whisper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let them time make it through
2007-02-05 08:48:38 · answer #10 · answered by Yakusoku 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋