been with bf for 15 years but since the death of his mother 5 years ago he is judt so nasty to me and the kids and if we say anythink to him he goes mental at us and makes us all feel down he did use to be alovely guy but the death of his mother seems to have killed him inside
2007-02-04 23:17:32 · 18 answers · asked by madkt 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
hey give him a chance here,he lost his mother,its bound to change him if you loved him that much you woudnt give up on him so easy,you need to sit down and talk to him,did he get any councilling when she died?he obviously needs help,go together but it you really dont want to be with this guy you must break it to him gently,he already lost his mother and now he`s gonna lose you,its gonna break him.
2007-02-04 23:28:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Before you will, think if it is no other possibility to stay and be happy together.
Try to speak open about your problems and ask him what he believe about making your life a hell.
May be the answer is not to leave him, but to help him to become better. For that a shrink can really make the difference between leave your unhappy life or keep the relation and be happy.
Otherwise, the last 5 years was spend for nothing , and you both will suffer with no answer to your problems.
The real think you must to learn about is communication and that can be the door to your happiness.
So first try to find a refuge and afther he will looking for you, just stay and discus about your problems, open and with common sense.
Like this you will find the best solution and may be you will save your husband without leaving him, and why not, try to be happy.
Life can be so pleasant if you will learn how to make it.
May be my words doesent means to much for you, but for each life problem a solution can be reveals.
Good luck and be shure that you don't leave before you will know that is not other chance.
2007-02-05 07:45:32 · answer #2 · answered by Nicolaie S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There's never a right time so if it's got to be done better soon than later, for your emotional state too. I presume you have numerous times tried to get through to him about how he is acting and what it is doing to you all? If you have and he isn't doing anything about it you are probably correct making the break. If you still love him deeply underneath the break may even bring you back together and resolve things. If you know there is now nothing left you have to make a fresh start with the children.
2007-02-05 07:25:07 · answer #3 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's been a lovely guy for 10 yrs and suddenly goes "mental" after his mother dies. My sense is that it is unresolved grief. He's stuck in the grief process. He can get through it with some professional help.
You will have to talk with him . . . explain how his behavior has changed, tell him how living with him has been intolerable for both you and the kids, tell him he needs to get some professional help or you will be leaving until he does.
2007-02-05 07:34:29 · answer #4 · answered by morahastits 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well arent you the supportive partner..NOT.
ive been here, my dad died.. im presuming your crass arrogance means your mum and dad are still alive, and you havent got a clue as to how your BF is feeling.
dad died and i had a 3yr nervous breakdown, that was 10 years ago.. 2yrs ago mum died and although i found her body, it was a whole lot easier to deal with..but without my wife and squids... well i might no be here to write this... depression is an insidious ailment. (pills dont work very well)
tell him to go see the duty psychiatrist at the local hospital... and get him to talk... most of us arent equipped to cope with this level of grief and stress, and we shut everyone else out... just so we can be alone with our thoughts... it doesnt mean he loves you or the kids any less. try to be a bit tolerant, and talk to him. thats all he wants, not to feel alone and abandoned.
if you leave him, your kids will always hold it against you, they love dad unconditionally... and youll become the monster.
all he really needs is a hug, and for you to be there for him.
death is a always difficult to deal with, my younger brother didnt even stop work, for mum or dads funeral. al i got off him was pull yourself together.. ( ii am not a pair of curtains) he had no idea what was going on in my head, and to be honest it was well beyone his ability to empathise...
you can save your relationship quite easily...but youve got to want to, and not use this as an excuse to get out of jail free...
i dont mean to be horrible, put the boot on your foot, imagine if it were your kids... how would you deal with it?
yes, call me all the names you like, but its true isnt it? you cant understand it, you think he's wallowing in self pity... and you think its all well... a bit unnessescary...
you wait until its your turn in the barrel. as it will be one day, one way or another...and remember this.
s-hit rolls downhill. what goes around always comes back to bite your a-ss.
2007-02-05 07:42:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
the best time to tell him? 15 years ago.
Seriously tho, if you've been with him for so long, then you must love him, right? Don't leave him when he needs you the most. Tell him how his actions are making you feel, and suggest you both get counseling, him for his grief, and you for learning how to help him (and maybe a domestic abuse counselor - verbal attacks are still abuse!)
Good luck
2007-02-05 08:59:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you ought to be thinking about is how to help him overcome the incident...
... when that happens he will be back to normal....
... quitting on him may relieve you but not the kids and not him....
... I suggest going to counseling both of you where he can face his mother's death reasonably, let it out of his system... and walk ahead with you and the kids. God bless you and your family.
2007-02-05 07:29:10 · answer #7 · answered by Cheers For All 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The only mental mistake here is to have a b/f for 15 years and have kids too! My God where's the responcibility? Girl it's time both of you grew up! Now is the time to ask him what he thinks about marriage! Now is the time to finally grow up! Think of what lessons your teaching your kids!
2007-02-05 07:29:50 · answer #8 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
if u want to try and bring the relatrionship back to life tell him u are thinking of leaving and suggest a grief counsellor, if that fails i dont think there is an appropriate time......it will still hurt no matter when u tell him....good luck
2007-02-05 07:24:52 · answer #9 · answered by dan_dav82 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him directly and don't beat about the bush either. Better to get out and start a fresh as soon as possible than delaying the inevitable and making both your lives a misery.
2007-02-05 07:29:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋