Ladies, Any advice gratefully received.?

Question

My kids have suggested that I start dating! I wouldn't have bothered but thinking they suggested it I thought they must be OK about it now. I was married for 17 years until we lost her last summer. Thing is although I had girlfreinds before I married Jane, its been a good 20 years since I have actually asked anyone out.

I'm 41,have my own hair, home, teeth, have an excellent job and all my friends think that I am OK looking, good sense of humour and good to be around with.

But its been so long since I last did it, I wouldn't know where to begin in "chatting up" women.

So Ladies what would work for you if a bloke came up to you and started talking to you. What works for you and what is a definate no no.

Bye the way not looking for easy sex or new mum/wife either. Just good old fashion friendship that might lead to more.

Answer 1

First of all- SO SORRY for your, and your kids', loss! It must be so VERY hard to lose your partner and for the kids to lose their mother so young.

:-(

And yes, I think some people on here (nod, not) ought not put finger to keyboard in that callous manner and I hope you can forgive them.

OK- what helps me when someone is trying to get talking to me?

I appreciate honesty, good humour and a willingness to communicate openly.

BIG pluses. THAT is what makes a man attractive in the first instance.

Having your own hair, teeth (LOL! Nice touches!), home is nice too. ;-) I'd be a liar if I said that a bald man with dentures living with his parents would be nearly as PHYSICALLY appealing but then I am not actually shallow enough to care if you DID.

Most women actually DO see deeper than outer appearance quite early on and very easily get bored with gorgeous hunks with nothing between the ears. Dull conversationalists do not score.

:-)

Take me and my husband for example- he is gorgeous to me now but when I met him (boy next door at my new home at the time) he was not. BUT- he was well mannered, bright, kind and quite, quite funny. Witty, you might say! Unaffected. THAT is good. I love that. Dislike men who are forced and not natural.

Musing here: I guess it requires a certain self-respect and confidence to be TOTALLY honest about who you are and what you are about. THAT is something I see instantly and really appreciate. Makes a man very attractive because it is an emotional inner strength and we, women, are instinctively drawn to strong sensitive men. They support (or "provide" although that is such a, erm- sexist term nowadays) their "mate" and they are sensitive to WHERE said support ought to fall.

What is a nono? Hmmm... Nothing really. Some folk you click with and are prepared to give them a chance to get to know you and some you are not.

What would perhaps COMPROMISE your chances with some, if not most, women is if you were dishonest and put on a show.

Bravado as seen in the early courtship rituals by younger men are not appropriate. We don't need to see puffed out chests and stupidly loud conversations (mind you- my fifteen year old doesn't either... LOL! She just reported a lad for harrassing her in much that manner!). I hope.

Answer 2

gosh you sound wonderful, I'd be interested if I wasn't with Mr.; GorgeousFluffpot. Seriously though, you have approached this in the right way ... looking for friendship first, and seeing where that goes. I think that good relationships must always have friendship as the basic building block, and you see if love and romance develops from there.
I'd go to a dating agency, not necessarily to see if they can match you up, but to get an idea of just how many women are out there looking for a guy like you. that will give you an enormous boost to your confidence, to start with.
Your kids are probably moving in circles where there are a lot of divorced mums around, being mums to their friends. Go up to the library and see what recreational groups are around - things like art and pottery (even if you are not interested) always have a higher proportion of women in them.
i think the main friend is to get women as your friends, and they will introduce you in their circles to more women.
I hope some of these ideas are constructive. You have approached this in exactly the right way. I'm sorry to hear about your late wife but very glad to see that you feel it is right to move on, since you have a lot of life and energy left in you.
Go out there and have fun - you sound like a real catch !!

Answer 3

Be confident, dont try too hard, dress impecably - a shirt and tie, polished shoes, wear expensive aftershave and you will stand out from the rest - alot of men just dont make the effort anymore while alot of more mature women will. Go to places that suit your age group - not to where the youngsters hang - eg cocktail bar. Go with a friend/s. Have a genuinely good time. Take a chance ask someone for a dance, start small chat, be honest but dont wear your heart on your sleeve. Remember people want to be with other people who feel good about themselves and they love to laugh. You will be fine....

Answer 4

Ah aren't you a sweetie and you and your late wife must of done an exceptional job raising your kids for them to be so supportive you must be very proud.and can i just say how sorry i am for your loss.
i would say just start getting back out there check out if there is any singles nights on in your local pubs or speed dating, also you could take up a class where you might meet people in a similar prediciment as you also i'm assuming you have friends that are married or whatever you could maybe ask them is there anyone they could set you up with.
or you could put an add in teh lonely hearts its very popular these days. if i was only a few years older i'd date you myself :--)
good luck to you x

Answer 5

My good chum, Hopefully you submitted your angry response to the accusation that your dear daddy is bankrupt! To accuse a gentlemen of such a thing is clearly unprovoked and should be dealt with in a sincere and harsh letter demanding an apology, but onto the issue at hand. . . My advise would be to allow your dinner to go uneventful but when she is about to devour her (your?) cream, have your hired assassin hiding in the planter fire the ring from a blow gun into her face. She will be most delighted and pleased to pry the gem from her ear, nose, or whatever orifice it managed to find it's way into. Now you will receive a large dowry as a woman's family should be grateful she has been locked into a British family. On my recent escapade in the Amazon, I was given a dowry of fifteen human skins after I gave a river woman a sexual pummeling. Of course, I took the payment and put the woman at work in the basement polishing my dusty wine-racks. Bully! Sir Harold Chesterhill of York (dictated but not read)

Answer 6

Sir, sorry to hear about your wife..... but if you really feel like your ready to date again then go for it, when it happens it will all come back to you. Just remember back when you first talked to your wife and thinking about all the things you said. Treat a women the same way has you did when you first met your wife. yeah I know these days have changed alot and I'm only 19 yrs old but no matter what year it is or how much things have changed. Every women still wants to be treated w/ respect. Be completely honest w/them and one thing i think you do need to make clear is that " your not trying to get sympathy, your just trying to move on and start getting out again, so if your just going to feel sorry for me and don't really want to go out then don't waste my time. cause sir there are women out there that will feel sorry for you, they will got out on a date w/ you just so you wont try to give up on the whole situation. I hope you end up finding a new relationship but oh about your kids... explain to them that your not wanting anyone to place their mother and you'll never forget her. they will understand. good luck

Answer 7

A genuine smile and air of friendliness does me. Be yourself
but be ready to go out and meet someone new. It will really
be hard for you because you will feel that you are being dis-loyal
to your wife. But you are only young and it sounds like you have
great kids to give you support also.

Ask someone if they would like to go for a meal or a drink and
just progress from there.

I am married so I have forgotten what a no-no would be!!

But I never liked anyone who was loud, and thought they
would get me into bed because they bought me a couple
of drinks.!! Good Luck on your new journey.........

Answer 8

go for it. must be tough to go on without Jane but since your kids are supportive, you should get back into the dating scene. some kids are not very supportive of their single parent to get hitch again for some 'territorial' reason.

anyway tis good you got a good sense of humour and still look great at 41. have you tried the church? like get involve in certain activities.

dancing class are great e.g. waltz or foxtrot, cos you have to partner with a lady.

of if your friends invite u over to bbq or something, go join them, u might meet others

get your friends to introduce ladies to u. after all they know u for a while and might think that a certain lady whom they know be suitable for u

or look for dating agencies but state your criteria that you are looking for a great friendship with possibility a long term friendship

Answer 9

Personally the internet is a good place to start. I don't think I'd trust dating sites, but playing games, things like these question boards, even "friendly" chatrooms are all good ways to meet people. I met my late husband on here in 1999, and we were together for 6 years before I lost him in December.

Answer 10

I'm so sorry for your loss, but happy to know you want to move on, I'm sure your wife would have wanted the same thing.

The biggest no-no is a man still wearing his wedding ring, so I would put that away if I were you, at least while you're 'on the prowl.' And as sad as you are for your loss, try not to burden your potential new woman with excess baggage until you're sure she wants to share it with you. Be sure you're really 100% ready to make a fresh start or it'll be tough on both of you.

And just be yourself. I'm sure you'll find yourself a nice gal in no time.

Good luck!! :-)