Three year old Nightmare?

Question

Help please tell me is this normal or can you please give me some advice. My three year old just wont listen to anything we say to him. He seems like he just wantst do what he wants, and has no regard for us when we are telling him not to do things. When out he is constantly running off, he knows the word stop but yet still goes off and expects us to chase him. When we do he laughs but whn we get him he starts crying and moanin even thoug he knew full well it would happen. When he is good we do praise him all the time, but for some reason it seems he just wants us to keep telling him off. When we do tell him not to do certain things he gets agressive and chucks toys at us or will vent frustation by kicking his bike. Please help. Is this normal. I am worried he may have ADHD

Answer 1

my child was EXACTLY the same!!!!!!!!!

what worked for us was to take some advice from a child behaviourist... and heres what we did!!

firstly, set aside time for this because it will not happen over night, pick your battles and what behaviour you wish to change first., we started with the running off in public as it is dangerous... we started by taking him out with intention of going to the shop or whatever, as soon as we left the house we held his hand (which he would shake off) we did not move from the spot until he held my hand properly, and everytime he struggled to get free we would stop and repeat the process, he had 3 chances to hold my hand before being taken home and missing out on where we were going. didnt take long to solve the running off, maybe 4 trips out and he was holdiong our hand everytime.

when you child loses his temper and starts throwing things firstly ask him nicely once to stop, then firmly to stop then if he still does not stop time him out, i minute for every year of age, if he goes into time out and continues to be distructive then another time out should follow and so on and so forth until he is calm.... also, remove privalages, if he throws a toy then remove that toy and tell him he no longer has that item as he abused it... he needs to learn the consequence of his actions.
my child will also vent anger by kicking things, i have found the timeout works with this aswell, and once he is calm i can then talk to him about his actions and explain that it is not an acceptable way to behave... he is 1000 times better now and alot calmer...

all i will say is though, you need to keep the discapline up and consistant, one faulter and thats it, back to square one... and also be prepared for the little darling to test his boundries every couple of months, this will go on and on till he is grown as the boundries obviously change as they get older


good luck xx

Answer 2

I know this isnt always practical - but I would do the opposite to what he wants you to do. Showing this negative behaviour is a sure way to get your attention, and fast! If he is being good, most likely he gets left being good, and perhaps told how good he has been at a later time. Being well behaved doesnt give him the attention he wants as soon as he wants it as well as behaving badly does.
If he runs off he knows you will chase him.
Warn him if he runs off he may get lost, and tell him you arent going to chase him as you are busy doing the shopping or whatever you are doing. Then when he runs off, leave him to run away! If you are in a store he cant really go anywhere. Maybe stay where you are, wait for him to come back - or wait a minute before going to find him. (Obvioulsy if you can, take someone else with you shopping, as an extra pair of eyes to watch the store door to make sure your son doesnt leave the store will be invaluable). Dont make a big deal of the running away - as then he has gotten the attention he wanted for doing it. Just take his hand and say, ok now we need to go find our trolly. He needs to know that mummy is sometimes distracted, but will give attention later. Introduce Mummy time - a time in the day where you sit just you and him and do whatever he wants to do - just for 20 minutes or something - because then he knows there is a set time for having all of mummy's attention.
I;d try explaining to him before going out that if he holds your hand the whole time and doesnt do any of the negative behaviour (explian to him each thing you dont want him to do, but focus more on the positives) then he gets a treat. Perhaps a sticker reward chart maybe of use.
I wouldnt bother telling him off so much - if the negative behaviour begins I'd announce I am leaving the room as I dont want to hear the screaming, and I'll play when he is calm and quiet.... then I would leave the room until the tantrum has stopped and he comes in search of a cuddle. Basically ignore all the negatives you can and put alot more emphasis on the good things. Point out every single little thing he does you like, even simple things like sitting still for a minute.
Not sure if i;ve been very clear here.... But good luck - and this behaviour does sound pretty common for a 3 yr old boy who is just trying to push the rules and boundaries to see what will happen!

Answer 3

It may not be ADHD - he sounds like a typical 3 year old. When my eldest daughter was growing up I used the time out and naughty chair and it worked really well. Perhaps the consequences are not hard enough for him, he may need to have his favourite toy or game taken off him every time he is naughty. When he runs off there are serious dangers he could get into so perhaps you could use a wrist strap (which he will hate) until he understands he cannot run away. It will take time and patience but his behaviour will improve. If you are still worried about ADHD make an appointment with the doctor

Answer 4

This is perfectly normal for his age..I would be getting him some reins for when you are out.You can not be letting him fun off for reasons we all know but then you can not have you chasing him all the time....Kids are so manipulative no-one gives them enough credit for this.As for the toys that he throws at you or around then i would oput them into a box and do not allow him to have them until he learns that he cannot do that...
I think that your son has got so used to the NO word and bad attention is better than no attention........Dont give in to him all the time as he will run your life always...It sounds like your wee one is bored stupid.And i sympathise with you as i am a mum of 8 and have 5 under the age of 5 so i have encountered these problems before.....\you need to get on top of this now before he really starts to kick off,It will get worse....If he chucks stuff at you, ignore him, dont say a word.Pick up the toy and put it in the SIN BIN.....Get a chart or you could just try being a parent and not an equal...Good luck....MUM of 8...This is not ADAH

Answer 5

My neighbors son is 3 and he is exactly like that. If I didnt know better I would think you were her! She took her son into the doctor and he had her take him to a psychiatrist. They did testing and found out that he is bi-polar. I was shocked to hear that he could be diagnosed so young, but it was clear he had a problem. She has to put him on medicine and he is so much better. He is not a zombie child like some people say kids who take meds will be, he is still an active kid and he still is mischiveous, but he is no longer mean and hitting or screaming. He would just come up to people and hit them, he would push other little kids off their trikes, take toys, scream at everyone, and at home he would throw things, yell at his mom (curse words and stuff), not go to sleep, rock himself when he was super mad, and all sorts of stuff. She now gets Social Security for him because they consider it a disability and by putting him on Social Security he is guarunteed medical, she also gets money from them, I think $600. I dont know if your child is bi-polar but he may be ADHD (which would also qualify him for Social Security, my neighbors son gets it because he has ADHD.) or have some other thing going on. The best thing to do is get him to a psychiatrist who can evaluate him. Your normal doctor cant really diagnose the problem, your son doesnt have a health problem like a cold or broken foot, so you need to tell your doctor that you need a refferal, that way you know you are getting a professional opinion from some one trained in mental disorders. I hope you find a solution for your son. I know how difficult it is to have a child who misbehaves like that. You love him and see him when he is sweet and then he is destroying some thing or hitting you and screaming and you get so exasperated and wiped out. Do not stop until you find an answer. It may be hard, some doctors will just say it is nothing or that he will get better naturally, but you can not accept that. You need to get him evaluated and find the root to his problems. As he gets older it will affect him worse. My friends son has ADHD really bad (he is the definition of a bad kid) and one minute he will be sweet and the next he is breaking some thing or running off. Then he would cry to his mom and say "I want to be a good boy, but some times I cant and I dont know why." It was so sad. She got him to the psychiatrist and they also have group therapy for the whole family once a week through the psychiatrist. All the kids go to a little class for their age group, and the parents all meet in a class and learn parenting techniques, how to disipline a child with a learning or behavioral disorder, and more. Then they have a break and then the kids and parents meet all together for the 2nd half of the therapy/class. (This is the friend who now gets Social Security for her ADHD son). She loves the group therapy because there are other parents there with children who have the same problem, so she doesnt feel so alone. Hope you find him help!! Good Luck!

Answer 6

i had a three year old just like that all i did is praise the good and did not bring up the bad when she was bad me and my husband would grab a toy and pretend we where having a great time but do it like you are hide ing some thing so they want it she screamed still but soon wanted to know what we where doing then as soon as there are quit ask would they like to play. with running i use a hand singe i don't shout just make a silly noise or clap your hands and then show them the singe and get them to do it back or you could give him a task like can you go to the next lamp post and when he makes it he will look at you and then show him the singe. i still use it know she is 5 and it still works or use a scarf and it a worm and play follow the worm
with aggressiveness get a naugth mat and if he dose not get put on the mat or stairs by 12 he get a star then 5 and get another one and then to bed and if he get 2 stars he gets a treat IE biscuit
iv got a very loopy child bounces off everything and get Bord very easy and she behaved the same as that sound like it game time ever min for him too.
i hope this helps

Answer 7

Seems to me you need to take charge as a parent, and set some boundaries for this child. Does he have any he knows? Get to grips with it know or you will be sorry when he is 16!!!
A lot of people have said ignore the bad behaviour. That is good as long as he is not in danger or going to be, or putting someone else in it.
Stop nagging, start praising, talk as you walk about things you can see, where you are going, what you will do when you get there, what's in it for him if he is good the WHOLE time you are out. And stick to your guns.
Boundaries need to be consistent with both parents, so you have the same approach. Communication is the key, but issues that worry you, and decisions about what is acceptable should be decided initially out of earshot of the child.

Answer 8

Dont worry, this is normal. All 3 years olds go throug this. He has just realised that he can get your attention by doing this. As much as possible, just ignore his bad behaviour and walk into another room, obviously this doesnt work when he is running off down the street. My advice is to buy some reigns or a wrist link, they are cheap to buy, and will not give him the opportunity to run off....either this, or put him back into a pushchair for a few days, which he will hate, and tell him that if he cant walk properly, then he doesnt walk at all....this did the trick for my eldest!!
Hope that helped..Good luck!!

PS- he is just asserting his newly found independence, dont worry this will stop, as long as you show him who is boss..

Answer 9

I have a boy the same age....NORMAL, but you do have to be very firm. We have immediate consequences for our son. If you hit, you're in time-out. No warnings at all. You throw things..... time out and the toy gets taken away. If he
s running away, lock his butt in a stroller. BUT make sure he has plenty of time to run though. If we go to the mall, we spend an hr in the play area and then I hit one store only. Try putting him only in situations where he can succeed.

Also, we have a reward chart as well.

Answer 10

He wants his way and his behavior needs boundaries ..when his misbehaves put him in a time out spot for 3 Min's get down even with your child so your not looming above him.... tell him his behavior is unacceptable ,,,don't give in when he gets up put him Back explain why hes there ..use a hallway not his room his room is his haven and never should be used to control bad behavior.... be repetitious and soon he will see bad behavior isn't much fun and good behavior has better rewards