i think she knows she is dying but its so hard...what do you talk about..?

Question

my cousin is 42 she had breast cancer 5 years ago and got the all clear. In october last year she had dissy spells and was refered to the hospital after a few weeks they had found several brain tumers and cancer on the neck last month she undergone a intence 8 sessions of radio therophy. her hair has now fallen out and she is unwell..chemo is to follow in a couple of weeks.. my aunt explains to me about the situation and we dont think that she will survive this but we dont tell her that as we would like to see her fight this. but last week i went to visit her she was talking about dying and she had been to the solicters to do her will.. i dont know what to say as i dont want to get upset with her.. its so hard

Answer 1

Hi Rach - watching a loved one go through this sort of pain is so hard on everyone but you need to keep your strength up to be there for your cousin. If she wants to talk about her time coming to an end, then dont avoid the issue. Above all, give her all the love and time you can. So so sorry youre going through this, sending you big hugs. Bex xx

Answer 2

I understand how bad you feel. Had she not given chemo after breast surgery if so then since they are giving her chemo now it will definetly work and she can easily have a trouble free life for some more years. Afterall cancer is not a death sentence these days many drugs have been found and doctors can do a best job out of this. You can also try homeopathy and alternative medicines and also give her lots of anti cancer foods (try in yahoo "foods that combat cancer") and she will come through her ordeal sucessfully. For your peace of mind read Bhagavad Gita and it will help you. All the best.

Answer 3

I am going thru the same with my husband, but he knows he is terminal. When he was first diagnosed 5 years ago he updated his Will and made sure I was aware of all the things that were on his mind, ie mine and our children's welfare after he had gone.

Now he is getting near the end, in bed and sleeping most of the day (except when he is vomitting), and I find he gets comfort from the fact that I am nearby and helping him to enable him to spend his last days at home, instead of with strangers in hospital or hospice.

It is very hard to be a bystander, but try and get strength from the fact that your cousin has put her things in order to save everyone any problems when she has gone.

Answer 4

i was in a situation like yours with my fiance', he didn't want to talk ,all he thought about was dying and what if he dies. it's hard to tell someone that they are dying but you just have to give them the support they need and try to motivate them. it's hard to see a loved one suffer and that is why i think you are not able to tell her that she is dying. that;s the last thing she needs right now. she already thinks that and to confirm that she is would tear her apart. try to be there for her in everything and just give her all the support and make her days that she has left memorable and happy. you never know maybe now she looks as if she is about to die and tomorrow her medical state will change. that's what happened with my fiance' we all thought he was about to die but when he went to the doctor the doctor told him that he's beating cancer and that was the best news we have ever heard. all i can tell you is just give her support. try telling her not to give up hope, and assure her that her family is here for her and will always be and no matter what happens she will always have the love from you guys.

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with showing your upset, allow it to happen and don't hide it, then you can get on and talk about anything.
Life is too short as it is and your cousin's life possibly shorter.
It's more often the things you didn't say that will be regretted than those that you did say.
Be brave there are times when crying is a must.

Answer 6

I think it is perfectly reasonable to think you are dying if you have been through so much...she needs a friend.Tell her that she should always keep fighting, no matter what. People die.It's a natural part of life.there are many support groups for these kind of things too.encourage her to do things that she has always wanted to do as well.Good luck.It sounds like an extrememly difficult situation.

Answer 7

Some people like to know all their affairs are in order if they think they arn't going to live,maybe it gave her something to think about other than what's happening. If she seems at ease with what she's facing maybe you could ask her if there's any special things she wants you to do for her if she does die. I hope everything works out well in the end.

Answer 8

The best thing to do if she talks about dying is to listen. Never tell her that she will be ok or avoid the subject. That can be very emotionally hurtful. Usually discussions of dying are more difficult for friends and family than of the actual individual dying.

Answer 9

Whatever will be -- will be. If she is accepting death and wants to talk about it let her do that. Listen or you might miss something very important. When she is ready to stop fighting she will until then just visit and tell her you love her.

Answer 10

Childhood memories... Just be like "Remember that one time we..."
It always works. She also accepted the fact that she can possibly die. You ask her about her fears. You can ask her about her ambitions. You can talk to her about your other family members. Just because she's potentially dying, doesn't mean you should have awkward moments of silence. Talk about movies, tv, books. Read a book and recommend it.