Am I wrong to give baby advice if I don't have children?

Question

I've never had my own baby, but I've looked after babys since I was 14. I feel as though I have some clue as to what babys need and don't need.
Now my question is this. If your boyfriends friends just had a baby, but the women has had no contact with children other then being one. And you saw them give there 2 month old honey on it's dummy, Should you speak up and tell them it's toxic?
I get the cold shoulder if I ever make a suggestion, and when I told them that honey was toxic to babies, I basicly got shot down. I don't feel comfortable helping, but I feel I would be doing something wrong if I watched them do it and not say something.

Answer 1

NOBODY likes to get unsolicited advice on how to take care of their OWN baby. It is rude to give such advice unasked for, regardless of whether you have kids of your own or not.
Since you do not have kids, it makes unwanted advice even more offensive and irritating. The last thing a parent -- especially a new parent -- wants is for someone to make them feel like they are an idiot who cannot take care of their own baby.

I know this sounds silly, but new parents in particular are insecure, and they don't like to feel as if they are little kids who are "playing house". They need to feel like they know what they are doing, and be respected as adults and parents.
Hopefully, they will read a parenting book and learn all the little things they need to know.

That said, I think you were 100% right to comment on the honey incident. That is not a matter of butting in when you don't have to -- that is a matter of the baby's safety. You have no choice but to speak up.

Indeed, it sounds like you have a lot of knowledge that this couple could benefit from. However, unless the baby's safety is at stake, I think you would be best off not sharing your knowledge.

Answer 2

I don't think it is wrong of you to try to help if you know something could be bad for the child. I have never heard about this honey thing, which goes to prove that you knew more than I! I think some people just have a hard time hearing they may be doing something wrong. I personally am hoping that if people have advice that can help me have a healthy and happy baby that they tell me. Maybe, you can get the parents of the baby a book which has do and don'ts, but include it with other fun stuff like a blankie and toys so she doesn't think you are being invasive. I'm sure there will be times you may have to hold back. In the end though, if it can prevent the baby harm - please speak your mind! It could prevent something serious from happening!

Answer 3

I agree with you. Honey is toxic to babies under a year old! what are they thinking!!!! *faints*

Anyway I am a mother of a now 2 year old little boy torandoe..lol And the best baby advice I have gotten was from my life long friend who has never had a baby of her own.

She, like you, has baby sitted from a young age and still does today. She also has taken care of many babies and new borns in the years past. They should take your suggestions into consideration because you have been around children and have taken care of children before. Actually most of the people that write baby books and such don't even have children of there own.
But anyway I take my friends advice over that of my mothers and mother in laws because I know that she gives me good advice and knows babies. Unlike my parents, and my husbands who had us around the time that car seats weren't madatory and that eggs were still considered safe to eat raw.....=\

Anyway I think that you should still try to give your advice because even if they cold shoulder you...When they go to do something Your voice is going to pop into there head and they will hear you telling them your advice. Alot of new parents have a hard time taking advice from others because they are suppose to know how to do it themselves...So they might be taking your advice even though they are cold shouldering you to your face...behind your back they probable have listened...

Anyway you just keep telling them and make it sound like your not trying to tell them what to do....that is the best advice I can give you...Also....seriously..they need to stop with the honey thing...that is really dangerous for babies.....

Answer 4

If there's something happening that is harmful to the child, I would take the person aside (away from anyone else in the room) and mention that you've read and been told that whatever it is, is not good for a child. Offer to bring them research on it if they have doubts.
If it's just something to do with general behavior or whatever (something that might be more construed as an opinion rather than medical fact - like the honey), I would restrain. My thoughts on certain things changed after I had a child and I had been around children (younger siblings and babysitting) since I was 8.
Hope this helps!

Answer 5

No, you're not wrong, just make sure you pick your battles wisely so to speak. Things that can really be dangerous should be brought up to them, because if nobody tells them and something happens to their baby, that would definitely be unfair. The little things that you feel they are not doing "right" don't matter, but the things that will cause harm do. Honey can cause botulism for infants, and that is a proven medical fact, so tell them to even bring it up to their doctor or look for information on the internet, and that it is a widely known fact.

Answer 6

In this case it is not wrong, and as a mother of 4, I would say that if they do not listen you may have to go to the next step. If you know then well enough try talking to the girls mother. If that isn't an option or doesn't work, you may have to take the next step (and I know this is will be hard) of contacting your local family services or child abuse. I did not know that honey was toxic to babies, but never gave it to any of mine anyway. And if she has to 'bribe' the baby to take a pacifier than he/she doesn't really need it or want it.

Answer 7

first off, I agree with you that you shouldnt give honey to an infant and you were right to say something. You would have felt just horrible if something would have happened to that child because of your silence.

I dont think you have to have kids of your own to give advice and the people that do think that probably arent smart enough to benefit from the advice you are giving in the first place. I think if anyone told me that something that I was doing would harm my child I would take a moment to check it out before I dismissed them as not being in the know. The fact that they did not speaks volumes about them as people and parents!

One does not have to eat feces to know that they wont like the taste, meaning that I dont have to experience everything in life to have an informed opinion about that thing!
They are lucky to have you around even if they dont realize it!

Answer 8

your age makes no difference the fact you have no child of your own makes no difference
but you count all the lil ones you have taken care of as your own and the fact that you have taken the time to know about kids is all that matters
your only concern is the baby and if they cant see that it makes then worse parents than they sound every Dr tells new moms not to give baby's honey
i know your doing the right thing just keep your eye on the baby talk to your b/f and let him know how you feel after all its his Friends and he should stand up for you while you stand up for the baby

I am proud of you !!

Answer 9

It make sense that someone who would give honey to a two-month old would also ignore sound advice. Give your advice, and then keep quiet about it. Unfortunately, if it's not your child you don't have much say, but I would mention it to the child's grandparent or another relative if possible.

Answer 10

You are right honey isn't good for infants the only thing i can think of is ringing DCD and ask them for advice (you do not need to give names) you could also suggest to the mother that there are courses for new parents and offer to help her find one suited for her.