Mom buys baby stuff...?

Question

I agreed that I would let my soon to be born son stay during the day with my mom when I go to school. I feel like she's taking that to the extreme. She buys me things like clothing and other baby items. And says I cant have them because they need to be at her house. She acts like the baby's gonna be there 24/7. What is her deal? When I try to say anything she gets upset and blows up. I put 50.00 down on a crib and she put the rest and she said I'm not allowed to have it because it needs to stay at her house. I'm lost and rather bothered. Like I said in another post, my husband questions whether she desires to take the baby and keep it herself. I asked her what her deal was and if she was trying to take my baby and she was like nooo thats silly. Isnt this strange?

even calls the baby "my baby".

I was adopted as a toddler and she never had a real infant. She has worked in the nursery as a nurse.. however.

Answer 1

i am a new mom myself and although i am not quite facing the same problem i understand completely. I sometimes feel like my mother-in-law wants to take my baby too. But hang in there!!!! If this is her first grandchild she is just over excited. But if it bothers you let her know.

Answer 2

It sounds as if she has a bit of empty nest.
Being in my 40's and my kids getting on,I had a big think about this question.
I do think she is trying to help you, but I think she might be caught up in a nanna fantasy.I don't think she for one minute wants to take your baby,I just thinks she is claiming nanna ownership.I don't understand why she needs the crib when a portable cot at her home should be good enough.She really wants to share this baby with you big time. I think you are going to have to sit and talk to her about this,because I can see angry words acomin', and you need to do it soon, because that first week or so after the baby is born your emotions are going to be all over the place,and things you didn't think would upset you,...will. Mum is only going to have to say the wrong thing once and you will react like it was the most awfullest thing to ever happen to you.it's only the hormones"baby blues" but it is surprisingly intense,so if you can sort this out with your mum before the baby is born will be better for you, theres nothing worse than being upset when you're supposed to be full of joy.
can i suggest buying another crib and asking for the $50 back? it might solve a bit of friction, it will make her happy as she has a proper place for the baby, a home a way from home and you will still have a crib LOL
don't worry too much you are lucky to have her support.

Answer 3

It could be possible that she's maybe a little jealous or perhaps she's just always been a little controlling? If I were you, I'd back away from that situation (if you can).

My mom is kind of like this. When she found out I was pregnant, she reacted horribly and wanted NOTHING to do with me or the baby (and it's not like I'm young and single...I was 27 and married!). She was extremely jealous of my situation. After I had my daughter, thinks changed drastically...she suddenly decided that she WANTS to be a part of our life and not only THAT but she buys us all kinds of things in an attempt to control my life. If I don't agree with her or let her see my daughter, she then pulls a guilt-trip on me about all the stuff she's "done" for me and all that.

Really, in situations like yours and mine, it's better to just step away from it. That doesn't mean you have to NEVER see your mom, but just maybe tell her your a little bothered by the way this is going and that it makes you uncomfortable. Make it clear that she doesn't HAVE to buy all that stuff for the baby if she doesn't really want to or if she's going to complain or make comments about it. Personally, I think it's nuts that she'd expect you to put money down on a crib and then won't let you have it!

I hope your situation gets worked out so that everyone can remain friendly with each other and with no hurt feelings! Good Luck...and congrats on the baby!

Answer 4

I can understand wanting to buy a few things to keep at her house, but why would she insist on paying off and keeping the crib that you ordered and put a down payment on??? That's ridiculous! You need to establish some clear boundaries with your mom before the baby gets here. If she is this pushy now, imagine how she is going to be once he's born. Don't let her rule your life or your child.

Answer 5

Let Me give You a Man's take on this. Mothers are Mothers and that's all there is to it. She is probably suffering from a sort of 'empty nest syndrome', i.e., She misses having "her little girl around", and now that "Her little girl is going to have a little one of Her own" She is going into 'over protective' mode. Some times a new baby makes older women feel young again. Remind Her of all the sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and .............( well You get the idea) that You caused Her. Trust Me when I say this, in some cultures the only reason the "Grandparents" are kept around is because They make ready made "nurses, laundresses and baby sitters". Give Her a chance to get it out of Her system. But remember to remind Her that when it comes to caring for a child , You were taught by an expert, namely Her!

Answer 6

well if its like this now god knows what it will be like once your son is born, i think you need to talk to her properly about it, theres nothing worse than someone trying to take over with your child.
if your son is only gonna be there during the day there is no need for her to have the crib there, and the thing about the clothes maybe she is excited about your soon to be born baby I'm sure that will ware off but seen as you will have the baby most of the time i don't think she needs to keep all the things she buys for him at her place sounds like she wants to take control a bit.

Answer 7

You know, I personally would be concerned with her mental state. When she's saying that you aren't allowed to have a crib for your own child because SHE needs it.....something isn't right. I seriously recommend you and your husband sitting down and seriously discussing whether or not it would be safe/healthy situation for your child to be in while you're at school. Yes, it would make her angry, but just tell her that you two have decided that daycare is better option for your family's needs at the time and you can revisit her offer later. Also, make sure your HUSBAND is the one to tell her. Otherwise, she will take it as you going against her. I've been in this kind of situation before and you do NOT want to be the one who tells her no.

Answer 8

strange, yes. she will need certain things, but not an exact replica of your nursery. all she needs is a portable playpen, bassinette, and diapers. you will bring a change of clothes, and the bottles w/ formula and/or breast milk. ask her if she's planning on breast-feeding, as well. maybe that will wake her up.
your not allowed to have the crib at your house? give her the money she paid for it, and take the crib. you are having the baby, not her. you and your husband need to sit down with her, and have a talk. it is YOUR baby, and if she can't realize it, then she doesn't need to be watching him. she'll change her tune if that's what matters to her, spending time with him.

Answer 9

I agree with stock4al, she is right about living out her fantasy of wanting a son. When I had my son,, It was My Mom's first grandchild, not to mention the first son in the family. My mom only had girls, she always wanted a son but never had one. So she was always wanting to take him home with her., Plus she loved buying him everything and keeping alot of it at her house for when he came over. But she finally kind of grew out of it and everything seems to be pretty normal around here. It probably will be the same way with your Mom. She's probably just really excited and wants everything to be perfect. Don't be to hard on her.

Answer 10

My mon does the same and I use to make a big deal out of every think. If your mom wants to buy somethings for your son be happy and let her have it at her home and when her house start getting full and belive me she will start packing. However you should still let her know of the boundaries and make sure she understand and please do this in a nice way.