Which do I choose (relationship advice)?

Question

In September my fiancee and I split up after 7 1/2 years.
I am now 28 and torn between two routes.

1 is to live alone for a while and have a relationship with someone 3 years younger than me that has a body do die for and not looking for much commitment.
2 is to move in with a friend who says he has fallen for me and wants to have a future with me (has hinted at marriage). He is 6 years older than me , not bad looking and lives in another part of UK.

I was thinking have some fun with number 1 then when that ends go with number 2 but that isnt fair on number 2.

This is a curiosity question, please no insults.

In addition, there is no route back with my ex-fiancee. He is having a midlife crises and wants to play the field a bit (I understand,shockingly, as he has been in committed relationships since he was 19 he is now 37) oh and his mother is and interfering w****.

Answer 1

i think you shouldn't rush headstrong into anything, it is ok to have fun and if the first guy is going to do that then by all means, to jump into a relatioship with someone who has hinted and marriage is risky, do you even love guy number two, dont get invilved with him if you do not love him as it would be very unfair to mis lead him, good luck.

Answer 2

If you're looking to get married and looking to have children and a nice family then you should choose number 2.

But if you're looking for fun only, sex and no commitments then you have to choose number 1.

At the end of the day it is your life and you control it and it is you that have to decide what you want to do with your life. But remember this though, never do things that you know that in the future you will regret it for doing this particular decision.

So if I were you I would think about it. Remember you're 28 and time is ticking and I think that at that age the time for having only fun has passed and I think that at that age you should be starting to prepare yourself for some commitments in your life if it is this that you want.

Hope this helps dear and Good Luck. May you make the right decision for yourself hun.

Answer 3

Either I am confused or you are! Seven and a half years with one man and now aged 28 says that you like commitment and yet you are trying to choose between two routes, neither seemingly offering that.

The facts are you are not long out of a long term relationship and I suspect life is hurting and you want to soothe the sting with some fun and/or someone to simply 'look after you' ............

My advice? Take time out to come into tune with your true feelings and desires and learn respect for your true needs and wishes. Don't jump into anything right now 'just because you are lonely'. Yes, you are on the rebound and that is not a good time to jump right in again. And if you do, you will probably end up hurting yourself and others ......... and in two years you will be thirty probably looking back and thinking 'if only'.

Just take time out and think it all through ..... listen to your heart and just focus on the next Mr Right and not Mr Maybe! Good luck to you ....

Answer 4

Ouch - the old 7 year itch. In answer to your question I would have to say 1. Going out with a best friend is not a good idea, especially when you consider that most relationships that start off as really good friends normally end quite badly so not only will you have lost a lover but also a friend - My advise is see how things go with option 1 and if that fails don't worry, most people fall in love when there not looking for it.

Answer 5

First of all you put too much pressure on yourself in a time when school should be your biggest priority. There is nothing wrong with seeing each other on the weekends and I can tell you that your relationship will not last if you are both already suffering this kind of stress. Your father cares and listen to him at the least, your man will be there is you are meant to be and your school is the only thing that will begone soon and I hope you take as much importance in that as this relationship.

Answer 6

You need time to yourself right now. You need to heal first and foremost. You need to decide what you want to do. Don't worry about your age or anyone else's age, it's just a number.

Don't get involved with your friend who's fallen for you if you haven't fallen for him. Just be straight with him and tell him you need time to yourself and he'll understand, even wait for you if he's fallen that hard.

Have your fun first and get it out of the way, you'll regret it later if you don't. Just remember, you don't have to make any life-altering decisions right away and NOTHING is cast in stone so you can change your mind whenever you feel like it. It's a women's prerogative.

Time is not chasing you and never give in to any sort of pressure to make a iron cast decision about anything. Take your time and everything will fall into place.

Have faith (in yourself too). Things have a way of working out for the best.

Good luck

Answer 7

No 1 merely appeals to your ego, I'd give no 2 a chance ... but that depends on whether or not you are into commitment.

The thing is, when you're apart from no 2, do you miss him? Or is this merely a 'convenient arrangement'? If you don't really care for him and move in with him, you won't be doing anyone any favours - you'll be miserable and so will he.

Answer 8

There are some amazing answers for you already, I will backup what alot of people have said that you should stop take a deep breath and think about yourself, clear your mind of your fiancee, listen to sofie's advice and my extra bit is that you must try to find love in someone else, you must furst fin dlove in yourself, be trullly happy with yourself, that will radiate outwards and the man of your dreams will eventually come forward! You don't find love and happiness by bying cars, gadgets and clothes or a sexy boyfreind, you will find love deep inside yourself! I hope this isnt too abstract, but basically, take care of yourself, be good to others, and tell yourself you are wonderfull, caring, sexy, all the positive things everyday, and you will come to believe them. (im not presuming you are not any of these, just giving you exaples! I'm sure you are all of these!!) Good luck

Answer 9

My name is Emma and I was engaged to someone for 7.5 yrs at which point he had a thing with my friend & colleague which caused a deep rut (I was 28). We tried to patch it up for a further 2yrs but I'd moved on it that time & eventually called it a day even though we were both 10k miles away from home with his work.

I stayed where I was & he returned to the uk and found another girl quite quickly. I remained alone (just a few dates here & there) & working for 3yrs. Only once I'd got him out of my mind and accepted that I'd die a spinster ('accepted' - that is as oppose to being terrified of being alone), did my Prince Charming come from nowhere on his noble steed and swept me off into the sunset.

Four years later we are married with a beautiful daughter.

I recommend you spend some time with yourself and find out what you can do to make yourself happy before jumping into another relationship. Find out exactly what you want & don't want.

The one you feel most comfy with, who makes you feel warm & secure to the core ON YOUR FIRST DATE, no nerves, no fear, just happiness....that's the one you want to be with. You'll know it when it's right :-)

Enjoy being YOU first before you become another partner to someone else.

Answer 10

No matter who you choose to date, you are best off getting your own place. Right now, the option of not dating anyone and having time to yourself when you want or need it is important.

Put yourself first, and don't let yourself become obligated to sharing a living space with another man. Feel free to date, but spend some time learning what you really want in a man, and from your future.

Good luck.