My friend is a very lovely but heavy set woman and cant find a good christina man.....?

Question

My friend Pam is an amazing woman, she has aheart of gold, wears her heart on her sleeve and will give you the shirt off of her back if someone needed it. She is a mom of two children a 15 year old boy and a highly intelligent 10 year old daughter.She has extremely low self esteem and I think it would be nice if I could get her to go out with someone, just to have a nice evening out. She deserves. Are there men out there whom are not superficial? Remeber the movie "Shallow Hal"? This is the kind of woman that Pam is and she is so sweet. She has so much love and kindness to give but men just treat her cruely because of her weight. She has a hard time loosing weight because of all of her medical problems....can someone help her? Is there men out there that truly love bigger woman and who would treat her like gold?

I feel that I need to add the fact that she is genetically heavy from her parents and grandparents. So to say that she should just "loose the weight" isnt as easy as it that. She has been trying to lose weight. She has fybromyalgia, asthma, and she is bi polar. Even tho she has these problems I have watched this woman bend over backwards for all of her family and friends. I know that this is getting to her and makes her miseralbe. I just want her to be happy. We have walked and done the eating healthy we have also went to many many doctors and not much is helping. I would just like to see a nice kind caring man want her too.

SSssshhhhh!!! people are so brutal. Cant anyone just answer a question nicely anymore. She is not over weight from eating here people. Is is a family thing. She does not eat very much at all I am with her ALL of the time and she friggin eats like a bird. The reason why she wants a christian gentleman is because she is very religious and would like a man that is in the same category as her. She goes to alot of church and wants her children to follow suit. She isnt a bible bumper....she just wants to serve her lord.

Answer 1

Well she has two kids, so obviously someone must have loved her. It might not be the weight, just the kids that scare men away. They don't want the baggage of two grown kids.

She should put her profile on personal ads, because there are indeed many people out there who aren't obsessed with body size.

Answer 2

That's such an unfortunate situation for someone to be in. I think however that it is unfair for you to call a men superficial just because they aren't interested in your friend because she's obese. Let's say you know an amazing man with a "heart of gold," "wears his heart on his sleeve," and would give the shirt off his back if someone needed it, but he's 5'6" 350 lbs and smells like a gym sock. Are you going to be romantically interested in this man? Most likely not, but you wouldn't consider yourself superficial for it would you?

It's not that men can't be attracted to large women, but almost no man wants a woman with low self esteem, even if that woman is very physically attractive. If your friend wants to attract a good man then she'll have to start doing things to improve herself. You say she has a hard time losing weight, but it shouldn't be an impossible task, she must be able to lose SOME weight. Above all she needs to do something about that low self esteem. She needs to have at least some sort of confidence in herself if she is going to attract a man, which she should start to gain after losing some weight and getting some nice clothes and hair and make-up done nicely. I hope that helps. Good luck.

Answer 3

There are men that like bigger women, but your friend my not necessarily like them. Insofar as good Christian men go, they are shallow by definition. And as for losing weight, the bottom line is that your friend has to find other interests than eating. Really. People eat way too much. I eat once a day, and I am fit and healthy. The trick is finding something else you like to do. I would suggest taking up smoking for that oral fixation, but that's not a very popular suggestion. I would also suggest taking up a sport like hang gliding, but that's probably very unrealistic. As an alternative, getting into hiking may be a fun thing to do. Especially if you have company on your hike. Join clubs like the Sierra Club. They do all sorts of things, and eating is not a big item on their menu.

Answer 4

Hi, I'm the Pam she's talking about, and I have found many of the answers posted to be of interest. People are so quick to assume things, and we all know what that can do!! I am overweight, I do have 2 children, and I do have many physical problems. Now, considering that I walked 4 miles a day in under an hour for over a year, AND cut back on all kinds of things in my diet, especially fats, salts and sugars, and only lost about 30 pounds is interesting. Of late I have begun crunching ice for my "oral fixation" (I believe that is one of the terms used) and I've dropped 29 pounds. I still eat the same amount, which, as you've been told, isn't that much. I am constantly on the go, even though I hurt throughout my body, and physical activity makes it worse. By the way, there is scientific proof out there that obesity is genetic, although there are some things that you can do to try to help fight it. Just FYI. I have had offers from many men to date, but, like my "husband" (and yes, I thought he loved me when I married him, turned out he was just thinking that I was the best that he could get because HE is obese as well. Oh, and I was willing to be a slave and puppet for him....I've since gotten vertical and don't do the doormat thing anymore) they think I'll just jump at the chance because I certainly can't find anyone ELSE who would ask me. Oh, if they only knew. Oh, and for those of you who ask, why must he be a Christian? Because I am, and that matters to those of us who are! If you want the reason for that, read a Bible. I know that I can "get a man" but I'm not out there for just "any" man. I want someone who will love me for me, unlike my husband, who will find my intellectual side to be just as exciting as my fun side, and my "sexy" side. Yes, I do know HOW to be sexy, even being heavyset. I liked the "sexy is as sexy does" answer...it's true. I want a man who wants to be with me because I interest him, not because of my size or looks or kids or no kids....someone who knows me, and wants to know more about me, and will continue to want to know more as long as we live. Just as I want to love someone that I know and want to know more about, and will continue to want to know better forever!!! Thanks to my wonderful friend for posting this question! I have learned a LOT! Oh, by the way, did I mention that I am the currently reigning Golden Miss Desert Star??? I love to get on stage and sing, too! I am no shrinking (no pun intended) violet!!! Bye!

Answer 5

Wow... there's enough shallow people on these boards to keep every over-weight single for the rest of their lives!

Only advice I would give is that "sexy is, what sexy does". Being big doesn't mean that you have to wear a dress from 'rent a tent' or some nasty mono-tone lounge suit. Confidence and personality count for a lot. Nobody wants to talk to sum frumpy woman who constantly moans about her weight etc.

Getting down to like a reasonable size is worthwhile - a size 18-20 at least has some sort of 'figure'.

There's nothing beautiful about a BBW who's over 300lbs. perlease.

And finally... what's him being 'Christian' got to do with anything?

Answer 6

She sounds like a nice woman, I'm sure she will find a good christian man, but only if she wants to. I for one admire the fact that she has a heart of gold. Put it this way if I had a choice between her and Paris Hilton, then I would pick your friend. At least your friend isn't a s*** like Paris is.

Answer 7

There are men that like really big women. You should try a lot of dating sites and just post her size, and those guys will respond. Just don't try to convince her she is attractive in the classical sense. She will only appeal to people that are into big women.

Answer 8

Maybe she doesn't go out on dates because she doesn't want to? Maybe you should not assume that if a woman is not involved in a relationship, it must be because there is something wrong with her.
Sheesh... I thought only men were that superficial...

Answer 9

She knows that the key to finding a man is losing the weight. If she wants to date, she'll lose the weight.

Good for you for looking out for her, though. You're a good, caring friend.

Answer 10

maybe it's because she's fat which is sad that some people can be so shallow. Notice I said some, she'll find or not find the man for her. It's all in time though.