my father is a hoarder. he cant throw anything away. he even goes thro bins and takes stuff out and stores it in the garden. the house is stuffed full of newspapers and other rubbish. the attic is so full of junk that i think it might collapse. the garden is a junk-yard. he has 5 cars that dont work. he can only just get into his bedroom and he cant get into his garage.
he wont talk about stuff and doesnt think that he has a problem.
he doesnt realise that it affects the whole family in bad way.
what can i can do to help him?
2007-02-04 16:02:15 · 6 answers · asked by Zag 4 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Thank you for all your kind answers. You are all very insightful, apart from Dragon who, for a psychologist, seems to be lacking in insight. Yeah, sure, this isnt a condition you can just 'cure' with a pill, but when it affects my dad's family so much that his marriage is damaged, his wife isnt happy and his children cant visit him, then he needs some sort of help because he is not happy, and he is affecting the lives of the people who love him. I am coming from a place of love, and i only want to help HIM be happy. I am not being selfish here. I'm sure there are deep rooted reasons for his behaviour, but i'd like to help him through his fears or whatever it is that drives him.
Yes his car boot is full as well! and you cant get into his car as a passenger!
We do laugh about it, but it is a major problem and health hazard.
He is 75 and grew up during world war 2 when they saved everything and didnt throw anything out or waste anything. I think it got a bit too engrained!
2007-02-04 17:15:02 · update #1
mrs r... thank you for your answer... you understand why and how it affects people so much, and why the hoarder isnt happy either... they blame everyone else for their problems because they refuse to admit that they have a problem... best of luck in getting some help... i can see that you have a very difficult time looking after your mum... you deserve an award... i wish you all the luck, take care of yourself.
2007-02-04 17:31:18 · update #2
I can so relate. My mom is the same way. I told her tonight that I was going to get counseling because I cant take her hoarding any longer..I have taken the attitude that she is not going to change so I must. To those posters who say it is there life..I disagree, it is me that must clean it up when the clutter makes her sick.it is me that is responsible if she cant pay her bills because of spending..it is me that cannot stand to walk in her home and has to listen to her gripe that I dont come to see her.. it is me that she tells it is my fault that she shops and it is me that has to find a place to store all her STUFF when it overflows her house.. so unless you have walked in the shoes of those of us with compulsive shoppers or hoarders or the like..try to see our side..
As for helping your dad, I just dont know..I really am going to a professional to find out..Id love to have some input from someone who has been able to help them. In the meantime just know that there are others in your place..maybe we need a support group for families of compulsive shoppers and hoarders.
2007-02-04 17:16:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask if there is any "cure" for people who judge others without seeming to make any attempt to understand they are not YOU, they are not required to think as YOU do, they do not need help. I was talking with a client today about her mother, who refuses to "get rid" of all of her STUFF, & the family will have to "deal" with it eventually. A very fulfilling session. Just a few simple questions. How old is your mother? (87) Have you thought about why she may not want to relinquish the things that represent her life experiences? Do they give her pleasure? Could "cleaning" her house be facing the reality of her mortality? Just stuff like that. Getting in her mother's shoes. & she realized that she was truly being selfish; the family having to deal with it after, was nothing compared to what "giving up" would do to her mother. I am not assuming your father is old; but let him be! It is HIS life; he has no problem. You do. If the "family" is affected in a "bad" way, that is their responsibility. That is their choice. I am more than sure that "some" people may not agree with certain aspects of your life. This doesn't mean you need "help." Don't let it bother you--it doesn't bother HIM.
Edit 2/5: Zag, I'm very sorry about your judgment of me. It's the very thing I caution people not to do, generalize. Now that I see your details, not clearly expressed in your question, yes, I agree it's a problem. I'm guilty of coming to a conclusion when I didn't have enough information. I'm truly sorry for the misunderstanding.
2007-02-05 00:30:40 · answer #2 · answered by Valac Gypsy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No I dont reckon there is, you will have to be ruthless or get him to be in order to part with stuff. I am rather a hoarder, I put things in a huge pile and then I just find other places to put them without parting with them. I even put things in the boot of my car to take to the Op Shop or rubbish dump and thats where they stay in the boot and I end up going through it all again and salvaging a lot of it back again. I get real mad if I do give something away I wish I hadnt. It must be a lot to do with upbringing and not wanting to waste anything. My father in law in UK was the same. He even kept broken scissors, you name it. Theres a programme on TV in UK where a team goes to the house and gets the person to fully understand the problem, they help the person sort it all out and get rid of it. the person usually is very grateful as they end up with a better lifestyle and are then free of their obsession. Get in touch with UKTV via website and see if you can find out if something similar where you live. I live down under. We couldnt get into my father in laws garage either.
2007-02-05 00:22:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds to me like it might be a form of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). In order to treat that type of disorder he must be seen by a psychiatrist and they will help him sort out the things in his life. Pressuring him to get rid of things and getting angry with him will not help. It might make it worse. He needs treatment because it is really affecting your lives. Try to get the family together and convince him to go to a Dr. It'll be very hard but it's worth a try. OCD can be very disruptive and can also pose a health hazard in some cases (like a fire hazard in your case.) Explain that to him and keep trying. Be patient with him because if it is OCD then he can't help it. Good Luck.
2007-02-05 00:17:05 · answer #4 · answered by D H 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There was this guy on Oprah and he couldn't get rid of stuff because his wife left him so he had to be in control of everything else. They came and cleaned his whole house, threw out the junk, and he did recieve some sort of counseling. Something must be eating at your dad and he is covering it up with this behavior.
2007-02-05 00:08:43 · answer #5 · answered by l'il mama 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
To your dad he does not have a problem. It's his house and he is an adult. There is really nothing you can do. Those that have a problem with it should move out or not go there, and invite your dad over.
2007-02-05 00:08:04 · answer #6 · answered by justbeingher 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋