I have been at that point for a long time. I am so sick of the games and how they drag my self esteem into the dirt. How they mess with my head and use my kids as tools to manipulate me and get me to do things their way. They are the only people that can actually make me feel bad about who I am and my life.... and I don't want to be part of that family again until I feel ready (if ever)... but I can't seem to let go of them... to walk out of their lives. And as long as I am in their lives I feel like I am a bad person... I have set bounderies. I have talked to them. I have tried being rude to them to push them away. It affects me, my parenting skills, my life. How do I get the courage to walk away???
2007-02-04 15:58:05 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm in a similar situation currently. I plan on keeping a distance from my mom, who has been misconstruing my words and making me feel like the worst person. I think just like doing anything else that's life changing, it'd be hard to do it the first time. But you'd probably have to start it and thus create a habit. I plan on doing it without burning bridges. I think being rude to them would only make you walk away feeling angry and let it consumes your time. At least, that's what's been happening to me. I'd try to get my point across through yelling and she'd of course get everything all wrong. Then I'd have to hang up on her and feel angry for hours after. I think you can still be civil to your family without having to be around them as much (i.e. show up only for birthdays and/or major holidays). I'd just have to push myself and remind myself that there are other things I should be worrying about. In your case, focusing your attention, time and energy towards your kids would probably help. It is a lot easier to typed than done, but I would never know whether things could get better or not unless I start working towards it. Good luck to you.
2007-02-05 02:15:18 · answer #1 · answered by boycottbacon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes to your first question! I can completely relate. The question about the courage to walk away? For me, I decided not shut them all out completely, but I have seriously limited my contact and I don't feel guilty about that. I email some, call rarely, and visit maybe once a year. My courage has come from focusing on the fact that my life is as important as theirs and I deserve to have peace. If I kept things the way they were then I know I'd die early of a heart attack from the constant stress, turmoil and drama. There's a book I love called "Who You Were Meant To Be: A Guide To Finding or Recovering Your Life's Purpose". Even though the title sounds like it wouldn't apply to what you're asking about, it is an awesome book and packed full of advice for living your own life in spite of a dysfunctional family. It's really helped me find the courage to go against the grain/my families expectations. Hope you find some peace.
2007-02-04 18:17:49 · answer #2 · answered by mædu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well hello, Gee I thought my family was the only one that done that so these more families yep i cant answer your question but i certainly know what your going through my family does the same thing as for my mother well manipute i think shes the Queen just keep smiling look at other families and appreciate what they have and don't let the circle go to your children
Regards Debbie
2007-02-04 16:16:16 · answer #3 · answered by DEBBIE P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any good parent thinks: what is the best situation for raising my children? If being with the family is it stay and deal if the family will cause the children difficulties in the future -- warn the family that if things do not change for the better you've no choice but to move on. Good luck!
2007-02-04 16:03:26 · answer #4 · answered by S.O.S. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They only make you feel bad because you let them and until you stop allowing them to do so you'll be in the same rut.After my parents died I seperated myself from my siblings emotionally because they made me feel bad about allot of things in my life,like my choice to leave my abusive husband and raise my kids on my own,like doing whatever I had to to feed my kids( all legal),I embarassed them by going to the food bank.The list goes on and so did they so for my own well being I cut myself off.May not be the best thing to do but it worked for me.Does it bother me to not have the connection?Sometimes.
2007-02-04 18:02:06 · answer #5 · answered by Miz Val 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes. the key to letting go is to just do it. Keep contact to email or phone... that is easy to get out of... don't see them until you are ready. Life is too short to be mistreated
2007-02-04 17:06:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I started seeing a counselor for the same reason, it's helped me alot, so I'd suggest you give that a try.
2007-02-04 16:01:36 · answer #7 · answered by Just Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋