Potty Training Problems with 4 year old.?

Question

My four year old seems to not want to use the bathroom. She knows she is supposed to, but she seems to be stubborn and not want to. She'll go all day without having accidents and then, out of the blue, pee/poop her pants or go on the floor. It's getting really annoying and we don't know what to do. We've tried bribing, pleading, talking, punishing, taking away toys, nothing works. Her older sister was so easy to potty train so this is rather new. It just seems like she doesn't care and we don't know why. My wife is a classroom mom with her sister in kindergarten. So she's been to kindergarten and when she peed her pants there, she seemed embarrassed but went right back to doing it again anyway. She can go all night without having an accident, then wake up in the morning and pee on the floor next to the bathroom like it's nothing. I just don't get it. :(

Answer 1

she is 4 and she is showing you she is in control of herself that she will go when and where she wishes there are books out there that can help try just talking to her my 4 y/o nephew is doing the same thing to his mom but he will not do it when he spends the weekends with me (I'm mean he tells his mom) he tryed it once i put him back in dippers and told he he could not leave the house because i would not walk around with a big boy who wets his pants then took the other kids out for ice-cream and if he wet the bed i told him he would have to sleep in the bathtub so he wouldn't ruin any of the beds you have to see if she understands its wrong to wet herself or if its a self control problem
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Answer 2

it's a control thing. i've been there. I have no idea what you can do, except to step back and act like you give up. When the older girl goes potty (even though she's big now), make a point to tell her "good job" and call her a "big girl". But say nothing about it to the little one.

If you act like you don't care whether she goes or not, this takes away her power. She quickly learns that the only way she can get a rise out of you (on this subject) is to use the potty.

Sounds easy enough, right? It was hard as hell for me. It was hard to ignore, and it was hard to wait it out for the 10 days or so we had to do this. But suddenly she figured it out, and one morning went in and used the potty and was like "hey look what I did!" We gave her praise and attention and all that jazz, and voila! A big girl was born.

Good luck to you!

Answer 3

Well she is still young. All children learn in their own way at their own stage but another thing to think about is how are you reacting when she is incontinent? She may like the attention she gets wether it is good or bad? Maybe try giving her a cheap toy/ treat or some thing when she continent? Give her more time doing something she loves when she is good to reinforce the good behavior. Maybe eplain to her that wetting herself has an odor and very bad bacteria and can cause infections that are very very painful to her will help? Could be though that she is liking the attention she gets good or bad when she is wetting herself. I would try to stick with one emotion and see how that goes? When she does go on her own really make it a big deal and give treats/toys everytime for now and slowly tapper off when she learns and gets her bladder trained good. I am not a professional but i can offer advice!

Answer 4

You are exactly right..you can not bribe, plead or beg a child that does not want to do it. I would suggest that you be patient with her. She is rebelling against something. She knows she has this control. You may ask how do I know this..well I have two boys that are 8 and 9.now. My oldest son was very easy to train and my oldest son...was one of the hardest thing I have done. I spoke with my pediatrician and he checked my son to see if it was a medical condition..something I would suggest to you as well. However, he ended up letting me know that he found it normal for some children to be older and wait until "they" are ready. He told me that you as a parent can be ready when they are two but until they feel ready then you will wait on their terms. Good luck!

Answer 5

Have her help you clean it up when she makes a mess. Don't express anger, just give her a towel and make her clean with you. Also, consider putting her on the toilet every few hours, even if she says she doesn't have to go. She may not be attending to the cues of having to go all of the time.

Answer 6

strap her down to the potty and feed her prunes