Yrs ago, I was in love with this woman. I knew her for years before anything serious happened. Our kids played together for years. We got along great, she was seeing some guy at the time. I asked her if she wasn't going out with "Beavis", would she go out with me? She said she definitely would. Years went by, I moved away, she called me to tell me they broke up. Helped her move into her own place, and after a few months we got together. We stayed together about a year. In the beginning, she had trust issues with me as her ex cheated on her. No big deal to me, I'll show her she can trust me. A year went by and she was still not trusting me because of ex. I had enough of it and left the scene. Here's the question,,,,she told me many times that I was "perfect" and have been waiting for a guy like me all her life. If that was the case, why no trust? We had a great relationship, no fighting, did things together, kids got along great, one big happy "family" why no trust me?
2007-02-04 15:51:04 · 25 answers · asked by jasrlhals 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It may not be about you.
Some people are 'programmed' to not trust people.
It could be either because of childhood experiences or because of A bad relationship, or even something they don't even know about.
She may have trust problems with everybody.
For example, I have a friend, and her boyfriend gave her reasons to not trust him, after she had placed all her trust in him.
Today she still had issues trusting people.
She has told me that she knows that somebody is trustworthy, because they have proven it, but she just can't trust them, because she has made a habit out of it.
So don't feel bad.
It might not be you at all.
2007-02-04 15:59:04 · answer #1 · answered by Divegirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know from experience after you are cheated on it is so difficult to trust someone else. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and I still sometimes get a little scared that he will cheat on me. Really, if you knew him, you'd know I was crazy. He is a great Christian man and I know he won't hurt me, but still, sometimes I get crazy and I can't explain it. It's like a fear of being hurt again. I can still remember how sick and hurt I was over the last one and I fear ever being hurt like that again. I don't know if that helps you to understand her at all, but I hope so. I can imagine it is very frustrating for you, I have come along way from how I felt 3 years ago, but still every once in a while I freak. If you really love her, which it sounds like you do, you just have to be patient and keep her reassured that you love her and you're not going to hurt her.
2007-02-05 00:01:57 · answer #2 · answered by ME 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you are in a real tough spot. I did have the same issue that she has. My ex cheated on me and i took it out on my BF. It took him almost leaving me to get me thinking. you can not judge one man on what other men have done to you. All you can do is tell her that you are not "beavis" and that you really care for her. If she still has the issue, than i would tell her you need a break. Its VERY hard to have any kind of relationship with no or little trust. Maybe a little break will get her thinking. you dont know what you have until its not there anymore. Maybe she will change her tune. Wish her well.
2007-02-05 00:00:01 · answer #3 · answered by carriec 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It wasn't you. Sometimes, people that go through being cheated on make the mistake of carrying that fear into the next relationship, or even all of the future relationships they are in. She didn't get past what happened, which she should've before getting into a relationship with anyone else. Even if someone brings that fear into a relationship, they need to deal with it and keep it in perspective. They need to be sure not to blame the new relationship for things that someone else did to them. That is for sure a relationship killer. I am sorry to hear that you went through that. I do believe that she really meant what she said when she said that you are perfect and everything she has waited for all her life. It still doesn't make it right to do that to you, especially in light of all the emotional understanding and support you provided. Well, Good luck and I hope you find happiness.
2007-02-05 00:00:44 · answer #4 · answered by zaytox0724 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm.. my mother is kinda going through the same thing. the problem is that a lot of woman will find more than one "perfect" man. she probably thought that her old bf was perfect as well, and then even he went and cheated on her. She prob thinks that even though youre perfect, the same thing can happen, no matter what you tell her. Unfortunately, all you can tell her is that she can trust you, and that you are not her ex bf. you have to give her an ultimatum. if she doesnt start trusting you, then it will be her fault that the relationship ended. if she chooses to keep accusing you of cheating, then you can leave her without any guilt.
2007-02-04 23:56:26 · answer #5 · answered by orangequeen9208 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you give up on her so easily? She was hurt and maybe needed a little more time. Maybe you were not the perfect guy for her? Maybe it was her fault but did you try your hardest to make things work out? If your regretting your decision then call her up and see if you still have a chance with her.
Girls want utter devotion even if we are being unreasonable at time's. We want the fairy tale and for you to be our prince charming that will go to the ends of the earth for us, not give up half way through. Maybe she thought her Ex was the perfect man for her until he betrayed her, and that's why she' s having a hard time trusting again?
2007-02-04 23:59:14 · answer #6 · answered by pearl28 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once you have been hurt then it is very hard to trust anyone. It is just a part of being involved with someone that has been hurt. My soon to be hubby was the same way. He built a wall and told me it would take alot to let me in completely. I would not give up because I knew how good we were together. I had been hurt too but I was able to put mine behind me.
Some people just guard their feels so that they will not get hurt again. Some women may think that if a man is too good there must be something wrong with him. You just have to give her sometime and patience.
2007-02-04 23:58:55 · answer #7 · answered by Maybe I am a smartass..so what 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First I would like to ask you a question? Are you sure...is she loving you truely? I feel... you are feeling that she is loving you.
You are saying... that you had a great time with her all the time...
You are complaining that she is not trusting you because of her ex.
As far as my knowledge... you are loving her sincerely but... she is just unable to love you as much as you love her... Because... she is missing something in you. She is not fully satisfied with you. She doesnt want to continue this relationship for a long time. Or she may be in need of some other thing. she is in search of it... she seems.
First of all... you go to her and talk with her. Try to know whats her needs. What she is accepting from you.
Try to find out that and try to fullfill it. Then deffinitly she will be yours.
All the best.
2007-02-05 00:10:20 · answer #8 · answered by Nenet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is not you, it's her. If you are still interested in a relationship with her, or you are still friends, perhaps you could recommend in a delicate way that she should see a therapist to work out her betrayal issues. Until she can deal with the past, she will never be able to find true peace and happiness with you or any other man.
2007-02-04 23:57:26 · answer #9 · answered by pamela.cass 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
trust is a hard thing to get back no matter how hard we try sometimes.. why did you give up showing her she could trust you after a yr??
sorry just wanted to add that even though its hard to get trust back unless the trust is mutual it will never come back.. sounds like she wanted you to trust her but wasn't ready to trust you even after a year of you showing her she could.. I don't think you'd ever be able to win her trust and thats a shame since things seemed fine in every other way.. :(
2007-02-04 23:54:44 · answer #10 · answered by Mouseling 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋