how to handle things with my ex?

Question

my gf of 8 years just left me 3 days ago.We broke up 6 months ago but have been back together for just under 3 months.She just wants to be able to do things without ties for a while.She is going overseas for a couple of weeks soon and hopes to find work and stay for a few months.She still loves me and thinks i'm a great guy and i know she means it and i know she does not want another boyfriend.Because it was the 2nd breakup i told her i did not want to hear from her or see her so i can move on.That upset her but she said ok, now im worried she may never contact me again.We also have a house together so eventually will have to sort that out.My heart tells me there is still a lot there but it just isnt the right time.Should i just back off and move on for now and give her time to sort things out, let her discover what she wants.I definately dont want to force her back or push her away,i think we rushed back together last time.Whats the best thing to do in this situation?

Answer 1

let the lady do what she needs to do. you'll both still have the house.. and distance usually does make the heart grow fonder. let her miss you a while, esp. if she really doesn't want another bf. hopefully she will have a few drinks overseas one night, and thinking about you and what you might be doing just might be driviing her up a wall, enough that her inhibitions will be at a lower threshhold and that it will all drive her nuts enough to call you..
whenever she does call her, tell her you were just thinking about her and--......
hopefully, tell her you'll be there to pick her up at the airport--when and what flight?
if she doesn't drink, call her and tell her or her machine that when you said you didn't want her around so you could move on, tell her that you were just hurt when you said that and that you hope you can still see her sometime, that you don't want her completely out of your life... she just may be happy to hear from you, ya never know....
something could also change in you and in your life, that you will want to be by yourself for a while, re-adjust to being just you, and give you time to re-assess your life and what you wanna do next.
at any rate, best of luck to ya.

Answer 2

I think you've already pushed her away. What would be different if you tried for the third time? What was different after the first time that convinced you and her that trying the second time would work out better than the first? Has anything changed since then?

You both need to be able to answer these questions very seriously with each other to determine if this relationship has a future. If there is a breakup a third time, it will probably be worse than the second time for both of you. I doubt thats what either of you would really want. Both of you need to consider carefully whether this relationship truly makes any sense. If not, you both need to move on. Obviously, it will work out better if you both agree to that. Nothing says you can't try again a few years down the road, but right now, probably giving each other space is the best thing.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

Stop the whiney stuff and get down to the issues of dual ownership---a lesson learned about owning jointly without marriage. You broke up once and she wants to travel overseas---your splits are as wide as the ocean---get over it--she is going away and probably not going to be a part of your life---that's what it sounds like to me. Back off?? YES and back out---get on with your life and watch it from now on.

Answer 4

Its hard to start a separation. Even when its the right thing to do. It doesnt make it any easier. It takes your heart awhile to catch up to your head. Another words hang in there.

Answer 5

I think you should move on. It's not about pushing her away, it's about giving her what she wants. If she wants space by means give it to her.