Abuse when I was little???

Question

When I was little, it seemed like my father hated me. He was always hitting me and choking me until I was ready to pass out. He always yelled at me over everything. He died when I was 13, and I am afraid to talk to anyone around me about it. So...Can this affect my life now in any way? I wish I could've talked to him about it, and now I will never get the chance to. I feel mad all the time, and I have recently been told I have anxiety disorder. I don't want to take the medicine the doctor gave me though, because it don't seem like it works. But I am worried because I get feelings of anger all the time, and I have even thought about just going nuts one day and killing some people that bother me at school. So...I was just wondering if this could be the reason, and how I could possibly get any help for it.

Answer 1

Talk to your doctor and he or she will recommend a family counsellor. You need someone to talk to and not a family member. Good luck...keep the faith.

Answer 2

First off taking your issues out on anybody else for any reason is just insane. Since you haven't I'll presume your sane enough to understand that you don't have to cause harm on others that your father had caused upon you. Tha's really not fair.
I too had an abusive father, he molested my two younger step brothers. He has since passed away because of alcoholism.
Good riddance I say, no tears spent for his not to early death.
I know that sounds harsh, but we should learn from the bad as well as the good. I speak as an adult who survived a bunch of crap through the years and have no criminal record. In other words I could have gone off to be a psychopath and society probably would have made some excuses for me. I won't however be stupid enough to ever want to kill myself or go to jail.
Cause that's the craziest of all. I control and push my buttons, no body else does. Pills aren't gonna solve your so called problems. The first thing you have to understand is that stuff was in the past and can be left there since you can't change history. It's just better to get over it and understand that your not your father. You can only do your best to make the best of any given day, why waste precious time on worrying about something you can't change or control. Better to focus on your future wear you can continue to grow and be a better person for the experience. Your not alone with your particular feelings, lots more people have gone through worse and survived to be great people. Don't you think your better than your father already? Your not destined to be an *** because he was. It's up to you who you become, you are your own responsibilty.
Good luck.

Answer 3

I'm sorry. You probably don't hear this often--but I know how you feel; I also was forced to witness abuse when i was a kid between my dad and mom. 3/4 of my life I tried to repress it all and pretend it never happened--but that is NOT the way to go, it only causes more pain for yourself.

My mother died when I was 13 as well, and I was also angry...I didn't know why, but I was livid at the world. It even got to the point where I was suicidal. But thankfully I made it to the doctor's in time.

Though it may be hard at first to adhere to medications--it really does help in the long run. Remember--it can take up to 2 months for the medication to take its full effects. DON'T GIVE UP!

It sucks to lose a parent, even if you had a bitter realationship with them...but take it from me, after a while, the pain subsides.

Peace will eventually come, but like all things, takes time.
If you need any help--contact me.

Answer 4

Wait a minute--lots of people are the innocent victims of one form of abuse or another. The man who did this had serious control and anger issues--you have a right to be concerned but not mad about it--it wasn't your fault. And kicking the worlds butt won't help. It is over and won't happen again--unless you wind up not being able to control your anger issues. Simply put--you know right from wrong---so do the righjt thing----see it for what it is---a past that needs to be forgotten about. Your future may be brighter if you talk about it--so choose a listener who is a professional at these things. Why not write a letter---describe how you felt and feel at this time. Write that letter so that you can end it saying you are sorry he had such issues and you want to bury it all at this time. Put the letter in the dirt by the grave and see it as an end of one bad time and a beginning of all new days---Learn to smile at yourself and move on---one day at a time, and forget hurting others--it will accomplish nothing but further agony for you and your family and others. Be in peace and good luck to you.

Answer 5

Yes, what you have been through has something to do with the way you are behaving now. You can overcome your anxiety attacks by exercising. Go for walks to take your mind off things and have earphones to listen to music while you walk. Unless you want to go see a doctor who is just going to put you on medication for a long period of time.

You can also visit www.healthline.cc where you can get natural supplements if you don't want to use medications, which can cause side affects. He does have a radio talk show where you can call in to ask any question you want regarding your situation to which the Dr. Marshall can give you info on natural supplements to take.

I would recommend on getting counseling for you being abused as a child. Or, you can read this book called, "Bad Childhood, Good Life", which you can also get on line at Barnes and Noble or Borders. If you think that you are a threat to society, you need to admit yourself to a local psychiatric hospital for evaluation and for others own safety and for you as well. But, do get that book to help you too. Don't wait any longer before your symptoms get worse, get the help that you need as soon as you can.

Answer 6

You really need to talk to someone about this and not just take medication.

My parents divorced when I was five. Me and my siblings had to live with my mother. She would beat us severely in all sorts of cruel ways. She'd also feed us hardly anything while she'd sit around and stuff her fat face. We would do chores around the house and have to work on top of that, giving her all of the money we made. She'd constantly tell us how worthless we were and how she wished we were dead.

I had a lot of problems, but I never wanted to hurt anyone else because I didn't want them to have the kind of pain I had gone through. As an adult I was finally able to talk to some counselors and deal with what I'd gone through better than I had trying to deal with it on my own.

I would suggest you speak to your counselor at school and maybe they can help you or get you the kind of help you need.

Answer 7

There could be lots of reasons why your father did those things to you. You can be sure of one thing though, none of them were your fault. You do need to talk about your problems though, because if you don't you may end up exploding in ways that you will definately regret. If you don't have anyone to talk to think about going to church and talking with a pastor. Being close to God can help you get through even the most impossible feelings and situations. No matter how hard a situation seems, he always finds a way to help you through it.

Answer 8

I think it's really wrong when people blame their current actions on something that happened to them when they were little. If it's all you know, then I can see it effecting you. But you clearly know better and should learn from the mistakes he made. Be lucky it's not a part of your life anymore. Don't take your anger out on others that have nothing to do with you. Anything you do is only your fault, not your father's. You need to own up to your actions. I had a horrible father as well, but I don't dwell on it and lash out at people for it. I learned from it.
Any medication you get prescribed by the doctor to help mood swings, anxiety, depession, etc. can take even up to three weeks to fully effect you. So stick with it. You clearly need it to help you through the every day life. Otherwise I'm not really for being dependent on drugs, unless you clearly need it to survive.

Answer 9

well it seems like ur on the right path by talking to someone and then u have to take meds which i personally had to also but didnt i also have anxiety and the same thing happend to me as it happend to u. my father died also and it took a toll on me as far as me being diagnosed as a manic depressive. i also wished i could have talked to him about it. but he also changed alot over the years. he was a drug addicted alcoholic and used to do these things when he was going thru withdrawl the only thing that saved my life and the life of my mother and siblings was that he went to jail and changed his life around not to mention that he became very sick at some point in his life. it is very possible all the built up anger that u have hidden in urself is due to not being able to share this with him and i understand what u are going thru but please dont go nuts and start a killing spree that would prove nothing and u would end ur life by ending up in jail or prison. i dont know how old u are now but by the sounds of things ur still pretty yung and to u all i have to say is that u have ur whole life ahead of u and u never know what the future holds if u decided to just go postal ull never get to experience things that u may want to do. if it makes u feel any better if u cant find anyone to talk to please feel free to email me at anytime ill try to help the best i can and not pass judgement just offer advice that may have helped me on my journey of life (im now 31). i wish u the best of luck and i hope u take me up on my offer. i definitely know what it feels like to feel like ur trapped with no where to go.
god bless and stay strong.

Answer 10

This is a clear cut example of someone who needs to smoke marijuana. Get yourself a quarter ounce (prices vary with quality), smoke it, and chill out. I was like that when I was a kid. The thing is you need to find a positive outlet for all that anger. Based on the fact that there are people at school who bother you that much, I'm assuming your not the most athletically gifted kid, so look into drawing, music, etc. Find something you can pour that hate into. I never met you Dad, I don't know him, so I can't say why he did those things to you. You need to be honest with yourself, did he treat you like that because he had his own problems or because you were such a problem? I know that for me, looking back, the vast majority of the beatings my father handed out I did to myself through my stupid teenage antics. But if you didn't deserve it, he's dead so **** him. It's not like he can do it anymore. Just don't dwell on it, man, move on. That's all over now, just concentrate on what's to come. You can spend your time building your future or dissecting your past, your choice.

Answer 11

How could you be "diagnosed" yet you never told them what the cause really was? You do need to get help and don't ignore feelings that could get out of control. Does your mother know about this?
She needs to find a counselor for you to help you work thru the anger....and it can be done, but don't just sit and keep quiet....Someone needs to know that you need help.

Talking to someone who knows how to help will get rid of this anger is important. If no one else will help find a pastor to talk to (they have resources who can help)....or find a school counselor
but don't be afraid to do it.

Talking it thru with someone will be a big help for you. And be thankful your father is out of your life. He can't do you any more harm and it wasn't your fault. But you do need to deal with the anger.

And you also need to communicate that the medicine isn't helping....you want to talk to someone.