Stubborn 3 year old?

Question

If the twos were terrible, the threes are mind boggling! My daughter used to be the sweetest little girl god put on this planet. NOT ANY MORE! She talks back, hits, and even tells her 18 month old little sister to do things that she knows are off limits. I am at my wits end. I have no idea what to do. I have put her in time outs, taken away priviledges, and even spanked her once. My husband says that all she needs is a good spanking to settle her down. I gave her the one and I don't think I have the stomach to do it again. She gets along great with other kids but at home with me and her little sister she acts out, constantly pushing the limits. What should I do?

She has also apparently begun the lying stage. I have tried to tell her that it's wrong and she needs to tell the truth but she just continues to lie to me.

Answer 1

Your three year old is just pushing the boundaries with you, testing you out to see how far she can push you. My advice to you would be to remain calm and firm. Remember, time out is a LAST RESORT WHEN ALL ELSE HAS FAILED. Do not negotiate with her, ie. 'if you do that, then I will let you have this', that doesnt work. when she is doing something you do not like, you need to get down to her level, look her in the eye and explain in a firm voice why you do not like her behavoiour and you do not want her to do it again. If she continues, after your warning, sit her out of the situation, ie. introduce a 'get good' chair, make her sit on there 1 minute for every year of her life. Do not talk to her, ignore her while she is on the chair. If she gets down, put her back on without speaking to her. Do not enter into conversation with her. I totally disagree with smacking. Would you like to be smacked if you did something wrong? The key is consistency. Routine. Try the methods, like you say you are at your wits end. You have nothing to loose. Remember that children act on what they see around them. Remain calm and firm. Best of luck.

I just have to add that I cannot believe the amount of answers on here that advice you to smack your childs hand, and that it is ok to do this. There are far more effective methods than smacking your child. Time out if more effective, and they remember that better. How on earth can some of you say smacking is ok? You need to take a long hard serious look at your parenting skills.

Answer 2

I am having the same problem with my 4 year old . When she goes to her dads house she is so good and always minds does what he says and acts like a little angle !!at home it is a hole different ball game she is the "BOSS"I have to say u r doing every thing that I am. Although maybe you should have daddy be the bad guy for once. Little girls seem to be intimidated by a mans voice.. Sometimes I also be live God made our butts for a reason. I have had to spank my daughter also. I so wish kids came w/a hand book. I am thinking about taking parenting classes, hey it might help. I also have a son ! he is 6 and does not even like playing w/toys anymore??he seems depressed?? it could be that he is just quiet like his father?I only wish I knew. Moms have the hardest job ever but I think you and your daughter will get through it. Hey try spending some one-on-one time together. Always always ask for some time to your self and relax there is alway tomorrow. thanks

Answer 3

Children are good at psychology, as strange as that may sound. They know who in the family they can get over on.. or pull certain things with without being punished too harsh. Please take my advice on this - put a stop to it before it's too late! (Though she doesn't sound bad.. it could possibly be a phase) I have an eight year old sister, and at two and three she was like that. Probably more extreme though. My parents (who split, which made her 10000x times even worse) didn't want to discipline her and years later she's still hitting back, does not get along with children, won't share, is spoiled, throws horrible tantrums.. it gets even worse. You don't have to beat your child.. a simple slap on the bum or on the hand should do the trick.. but the key is to also let her know you mean business, that you (and your husband) are in charge. When she is in a calm mood, try to ask her in a nonchalant way what she's thinking about and if there's anything bothering her.. if there is, that could be the reason she's acting out and that will help nip the bad behavior in the butt.

Answer 4

continue to be consistent. that is the most important thing. she needs to know mommy is on the job. discipline is the only way you can show her you love her. children need limits. I know it's a rough job but hang in there. this is a critical time for her and your 18 month old because both are taking their cue from you. if you stop now and start caving in you'll be doing it the rest of your life. (i've seen it happen.) don't let someone else rear your children. it's your job as a parent. they need the limits, they need to know where the boundries are. but most of all they need your love. they need to know also if the botch it up you still love them. you have GOT to be firm and let them know the behavior is unacceptable. reward the good punish the bad. they will get the message that you are the boss. and if you get stressed keep a journal and talk to your signifigant other. tell him it's his job as a parent to supprt you as you rear the children. if you arent married talk to your parents or other single parents. start a support group for single parents in your neighborhood or join one online. parenting as sigle is tough. the beauty of being a married parent is that you have a built in support system. be sure to go out with friends or a spouse if you can afford to do so. hire a babysitter or get your folks to watch the kids. if you cant afford that start a babysitting co-op with your friends. be sure to do a mother's day out so you can have a break. parents need time off too! it's a stressful job! but it's going to be alot easier if you take a break. also consider hiring a mother's helper or a nanny to help you if you think you need it but be sure to give that person the same authority you have or the kids wont listen to him or her. be sure to back them up. consistency is the key. it's a team effort. that is how you raise a healthy child. and before you know it your kids will be acting right again. part of it may be that your child may have stress factors in his or her life. it may help to find out what they are. (a bribe of ice cream and a covnesation are big helps also try handing them toys and listening to see what they do with the toys. it's called play therapy and psychologists do it all the time. ask questions about what the toys are doing.) if your child is sick it may be a medical problem so make sure it's not that as well. most likely though it's a typical behavior problem and should be cleared up with consistency in parenting!

Answer 5

Your 3 yr old is completely normal. You need to realise this and learn how to manage her behaviour. Ignore her backchatting - dont get into an argument with her it wont do you any good. Discipline the hitting with an effective time out method or use a naughty step. She will push the limits as she is unsure of the boundaries. Be concise and clear and have fun with her. Play with her more, listen to her and you will find she will be better behaved through consistency and routine.

I have to also add that I do NOT believe your daugher is spoilt. I certainly would not give her a smack with your bare hand across her bottom. ANY FORM OF HITTING YOUR CHILD IS ABUSE whatever way you look at it. Those who tell you that spanking is not the same thing as hitting or abusing your child is talking a crock of ****. There are far more effective methods of dealing with your childs behaviour other than hitting them and hurting them. Now this parent obviously has no control over her children. She smaks her children to control their behaviour which is borne out of her own attitiude and inability to control her children's behaviour other than with a smack across their little bodies. Please please please DO NOT smack your child, the way you are being advised to by a certain answerer on this subject. BEING A PARENT IS NOT HITTING YOUR CHILD. Being a parent is loving, caring for, understanding and working through problems.

Answer 6

Totally normal behaviour. It's common, but seems worse because you've got an 18-month old to look after, too.

It all boils down to the kid knows she can push you around. Set your foot down and follow through with the punishments. Take what she loves most away. If you don't spank her DO NOT tell her she's going to get one. And if you feel too guilty after spanking, DON"T DO IT--she'll pick up on this and use it to manipulate you further.

The fact that she only does this at home suggests she knows better, but is pushing her limits to see how far she can get with you. Take way privileges, but remember that this kid needs love, too. Be strict, but fair.

Answer 7

my little one (now 7) was a bit challenging aswell. this may sound too adult-like. but what i was told and what worked for me is 1) talking with her like she is an adult 2) spending more alone time with her 3) stop the spanking that just makes her angry and listen less and hit more she is trying to divert and get your attention. she sounds angry and maybe it is just the delayed terrible 2 stage. also do not put her in time outs in her room. find another spot. when she gets nuts she needs you to be calm and hold her. of course if she hits she get a time out first. also does she has a favorite blanket or animal. take this away for 5 minutes when you put her in time out. this usually snaps them right into place. it is not mean.

Answer 8

I can only tell you a good spanking is not the same as a beating. Make it firm, good, and memorable. You do not have to repeat it very often, if at all, if it is done right. BUT if she sees that you will not or cannot control her, she will control you. Just realize what that Dog Whisperer guy says...who is the Leader of this Pack? You have to be the leader and you have to be in control. Someone will be, if it isn't you, it will be her. And it is alot easier to get your bluff in now then it will be in 10 or 15 years. :) Sorry.

Answer 9

She is spoiled, get over your sour stomach and whoop that kid. She knows better and she should be made to understand who the boss is.
First problem: don't schedule the spankings....i.e., don't say "go to your room" while you muster up the courage to do it, yank her up right then and there when she commits the infraction and wear her little butt out. don't worry as long as you use bare open hand across the bottom you won't hurt her, your hand will begin to sting before you would even come close to hurting her. She knows she is doing wrong and she is testing her limits. if you can't do it, give your husband the green light.
stop babying her, be a parent for christ's sake.

ABUSE AND DISCIPLINE ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS, I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS, YOU CAN AND SHOULD SPANK YOUR CHILDREN WHEN THEY DESERVE IT, AND IT IS NOT THE SAME THING AS HITTING OR ABUSING THEM. IF YOU THINK I'M WRONG TAKE YOUR LIBERAL CRAP BACK TO CANADA.

Answer 10

I have a three year old and one year old, my three year old was the same at first, but a smack on th hand is all it takes with him, He gets a warning, i count backwards slowly starting with three, then two then if i have to say one he gets a smack on the hand. He quickly learned and if i say three he stops everything. The important thing is to find what works for you and your child and to not let anyone use the technique with them if they are not going to follow through with a smack on one. He does however get no warning when it comes to violence, that is controlled by placing him on the floor of his doorway and telling him to not move from that spot till i say so. if he moves he gets three seconds to get back there or again if i get to one he gets a smack on the hand. I don't believe in repeated spanking of a child but a smack on the hand is enough of a discipline to controll my feisty three year old.