I was recently in a situation. I told my daughter to get in her room after an argument where she became very defiant. She said "No, What are you going to do about it" I lowered my voice and said "Go Now" She still did not move. I told her she was grounded for her disrespectful behavior. She then said "I do not care." I have to admit I felt like smacking her. But i did not., I took a deep breath and walked away But What do I do? How do I deal with this behavior.?
2007-02-04 15:04:24 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I've dealt with that with my own teenager(s) and I know that after I lowered my voice and made "the face" - she went. I then proceeded to take her TV out of her room and I took her cell phone away. If going to her room didn't "impress" her, taking those things away certainly DID.
Punishment must be swift.
2007-02-04 15:08:00 · answer #1 · answered by TRAC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing in walking away before you let things get out of hand. Oh yeah, honey, she probably deserved a good smack, but that would only drive a wedge, and you have to pick which mountains are worth fighting over when it comes to teenagers.
One week of doing without her cell phone & computer should get her attention. She cares, even though she says she doesn't. It's a control issue. One thing you might want to note is if it is also a case of PMS . . . . not that it excuses her behavior, but next time you might be more prepared as to how to handle the situation. I've gotten pretty good about how to gage my daughters emotions and anticipate that she is working herself up to a "tizzy". I don't usually allow her to pull me in and start a big disagreement.
Oh, you certainly have my understanding. I have a 17-year-old daughter. (I keep thinking "When will those aliens bring my real daughter back?" You know, the daughter they kidnapped and replaced my sweet daughter with this hormone challenged girl that I hardly know.)
Hope you are back to hugging and saying "I love you" very soon.
2007-02-04 23:46:03 · answer #2 · answered by TPhi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh the defiant teen....what a brick wall they are. u cant face up to her with orders that can be shut down with a simple no. anything u say can be laughed at with a no. u have to set rules with a statement no orders. u let her know who is the parent u explain what u want done or whatever the arguement was about u explain your point clearly concisely and assertively dont raise your voice if u can help it stay even toned. there has to be things ur daughter like or takes for granted, some form of punishment can be implemented when she defies you. no cell phone for the week or tv whatever it is. keep a cool head dont let her see u get flustered or she will know shes pushing the buttons and then can do it even quicker next time.
2007-02-04 23:11:15 · answer #3 · answered by charli_red1218 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What I have found to be helpful as both a mother and a teacher is to have a plan before the confrontation occurs. However, I believe that follow-through is the most important thing you can do to reinforce your message. As parents, we often threaten, but fail to follow through completely. Children, particularly teens, being the astute creatures they are, very quickly learn whether or not we mean what we say. I think you were wise to walk away when it got out of hand, but there has to be a consequence that you can enforce without physical harm. "Go to your room" is a tough one to enforce without becoming physical, so you may want to think of something else as a consequence, such as taking away a cell phone, iPod, video games, etc.
Hope this helps and good luck! Glad I have boys!
2007-02-04 23:12:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, don't give in. If you do that, she'll realize that she can get away with it. Try to find the source of the problem and sit your daughter down to talk about it. If the bad behavior continues, set limits. Don't let her use the phone, watch t.v., use the computor, something like that. This will let her know that if she wants more freedom, she'll have to respect you. After all, that's what kids want: freedom and independence. Of course, try to see things from her point of view before acting, because the form of disrespect she gave you might of been caused my extreme anger or sadness, or just because she wants you to understand. Just set limits and don't give in. Good luck!
2007-02-04 23:16:18 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What I think you should do is simply say "Fine, don't listen, and you'll see why you should."
First, put a lock on her door if there isn't one. Lock her out of her room. Don't give her any allowance or car rides or take away her car keys if she drives. Don't cook her diner or make her lunch. let her see how well she can REALLY manage without you. Also, when she isn't paying attention, take her cell phone / phone / computer away. Whatever she uses. She'll QUICKLY learn to obey.
If she threatens to leave the house and stay with a friend, say "OK." Find a way to get in touch with her friends parents, and inform them that you are teaching her a lesson, and not to let her stay over. You might be afraid she will sleep outside, but won't as few kids (who are privilaged in ANY way) actually would. Also, call any BOYS parents she might know. Don't think she'd only try staying at a girlfriends house.
This may sound REALLY harsh, but parents are TO leniant on kids now a days. My parents would hit me, as discipline, not as abuse and I learned quickly who to respect. I'm glad they did that too, because it taught me fast the meaning of respect.
2007-02-04 23:13:38 · answer #6 · answered by xxxdarksakuraxxx 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing by taking a breath and walking away -- your daughter was challenging you and hoping you'd scream or hit her or otherwise behave in a way that you'd regret -- good for you! By all means remove all luxuries if she continues to disrespect you. No car, no phone, no outings, nothing. Keep the same calm demeanor you maintained when she told you, "No." No yelling or threatening, just a calm assertion that she no longer has access to these things, and when she makes the decision to show you the respect you require, she can have them back. Good luck!
2007-02-04 23:11:15 · answer #7 · answered by meatpiemum 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does she have a cell phone? Take it away.
Take away things that you view as luxuries. Car? Take it away...even if she has a job. Realize that you have the power and are only required to give her shelter, food, clothing, and force her to go to school till 17. Everything else is a luxury. I said that only once and I lost my cell phone and riding lessons...next on the block was my car....and I was told so. I straightened up.
If she doesn't care...so be it...make her care. Eventually everyone cracks.
2007-02-04 23:08:06 · answer #8 · answered by Thera 9 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Go to your room" is no longer appropriate as a method of resolving issues. You are on the threshold of losing a battle of wills and control. That can't be good. The walking away could have been more effective if done sooner. It takes away the power of her mouthy behavior.
Avoid the argument completely. Check the web site below.
2007-02-04 23:09:45 · answer #9 · answered by Thomas K 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you need to let her know that you are the boss. teenagers are defiant it just comes with the territory, remember when you were a teenager. but what needs to happen is you need to present her with a punishment if she does not obey and then follow through with the punishment. and in some cases it is necessary to slap a little sense into your kid. i know if my mom had not smacked me from time to time i would have probably ended up in jail. good luck
2007-02-04 23:10:12 · answer #10 · answered by big_john_719 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋