Is it okay for my two year old to sleep in my bed with me every night?

Question

My son has been sleeping with me and my husband since he was 8 months old. I tried to get him to sleep in his own bed for awhile but he would sleep maybe 2 nights a week in his bed and then the rest of the time with us. I finally gave in and he sleeps every night with us. I was going to start making him sleep in his own bed when we found out that my husband is being deployed and will be gone for a year. I decided not to make to many changes at once and I will let him sleep with me for a little while longer. I enjoy waking up next to him and the first thing he says to me is "good morning, mommy" but I am concerned if it is healthy for a two year old to sleep in his parents bed. If so at what age should I make him sleep in his own bed?

Answer 1

If it works for you it is a great thing to do:

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/apjbaby04.pdf
More positive behavior. In a study of parents on military
bases, co-sleeping children received higher evaluations from their
teachers than did solitary sleeping children (Forbes et al., 1992).
A recent study in England showed that among the children who
“never” slept in their parents bed, there was a trend to be harder
to control, less happy, exhibit a greater number of tantrums, and
these children were actually more fearful than children who
always slept in their parents’ bed, all night (Heron, 1994).


http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2003/12/27/1072308726011.html?from=storyrhs
"Babies who share beds with their mothers are better off physically and mentally than those who don't and may even be better protected against SIDS, according to an infant specialist

[...]

"Western parents are the most unhappy parents in the world and they are the least satisfied with their children's sleep," he said

[...]

"In all the traditional measurements about babies' health - breathing patterns, sleep patterns, the amount of time they spent crying, weight gain, their stress hormone levels . . . you would argue that the co-sleeping baby was clinically healthier than the baby that was sleeping apart," Professor McKenna said.

Answer 2

Get a toddler bed for him first! You're right about not wanting too many changes at once. After my husband moved out, my son (and me too) needed the extra comfort of each other and he's been sleeping with me for the last couple weeks off and on. I'm 35 weeks pregnant right now though, so i know he's going to need to get into his own bed again soon so that he can get enough sleep at night. I'm trying to go ahead and get his toddler bed within the next week, so that I'm not forcing him back into the confines of a crib when he's gotten used to the freedom of a bed. Him sleeping with you isn't necessarily unhealthy, but eventually you will want him in his own bed. Since you have a little more time than I have, i would just do it gradually, get a toddler bed and get him used to it by naps or put him to bed in it every night, but don't traumatize him by forcing him to sleep in it all night right away.

Answer 3

My son just turned 3 and he has been sleeping with us since he was 4 months old, like you we have tried to sleep him in his own bed and he often starts out in there but, we have to be in there in order for him to fall asleep and he will wake 2-3 times per night and in order to have a good sleep we end up bringing him into our bed later in the night or in the wee hours of the morning,some people tell us we are nuts, but like you I truly love waking up in the morning to hear his little voice saying mommy the sun is out, lets get up! I don't know if it is healthy or not but I do not see there being any long term effects from this. from one mom to another

Answer 4

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's deployment. My little bros are 3 and 5 and both of them slept in either my bed or my mom's for a long time. It's not a bad thing as long as you don't mind and it seems like you're okay with it. However, the longer you wait to have him sleep in his own bed, the harder it'll be for him to get used to. A couple things that have worked with my bros have been playing their favorite movie for them at night and staying with them till they fall alseep. For the first while (when you decide to ween him of your bed) stay with him till he falls asleep and then make sure it's easy enough for him to come into your room if he wakes up in the middle of the night and wants his mommy. After a while, he'll get used to his bed and sleep much better on his own. I hope this helps. Good luck!

Answer 5

My son slept in my bed until he was 3 years old or so. Due to his father not being around and my being at work all day, it was just the best thing for us and our situation. I think you're right about not changing things right now since your husband is going to be gone. I think that would be harder on both of you. My son started sleeping in his bed a little more each week. Now, he hardly ever wants to sleep in our bed. This isn't going to screw your kid up or anything like that. Don't let people tell you that. The only problem that might arise is him possibly wanting you to continue to sleep with him, even several years down the road.
They grow up so fast and then don't need mom and dad so much, it sure is nice to hang onto those moments when you can.
Do what you feel is right. But i think it is fine!!

Answer 6

My son is 7 3/4 and he still wants to sleep with Mommy and Daddy. He goes to sleep much better and he would sleep the entire night thru. Unfortunately, my hubby wants him out, and I do too to a point. Trying to sleep with an almost 8 yr old is trying, I wake up and feel like I've been run over by a truck.

If you are comfortable with him there, leave him there. If you and your hubby do not agree on letting him stay (most men {85%} want the child gone first...sex...which is the way of husbands and wives, and an honest attempt to stay connected to their wife) then you need to discuss it between the both of you and a compromise needs to be worked out. That was my biggest obstacle, my hubby. I didn't care if he stayed in our bed, but now that he's out and comes into our bed in the middle of the night, when I wake up I do not feel as rested.

I wouldn't throw him out just yet with your current situation. He needs time to spend with Daddy, even if in bed. It will mean a lot to both of them when he's gone to Iraq. Take it slowly, and it will take time. Lots of convincing, frustration, but on the other side of the coin, there is that "good morning Mommy" which is worth more gold than he weighs. :)

Good luck and much luck to your hubby, I will light a candle for his safety.

Answer 7

the only thing i can tell you is my son slept with me till he was 6 i was a single mom one night it was bed time he came to me and said mom i will be sleeping in my own bed from now on k im alil old to be sleeping with my mom i hope you understand then he gave me a hug and went to bed he has been sleeping in his own bed sense he is well adjusted and happy he is now almost 11 y/o and a great kid so i see nothing wrong with kids sleeping with there parents till around 5-6 y/o hope this helps

Answer 8

That's a tough one. On one hand, you could be creating a monster -- he may not EVER be able to sleep away from you, which will stifle the independence I'm sure you'd like him to have someday. On the other hand, he's still pretty young -- two's practically a baby, still -- and he needs comfort. I guess my advice would be to do it for awhile longer since your husband won't be there anyway. But when your husband returns, I think you should send your son to his own bed. Doesn't your husband miss intimacy with you? Mine would hate it if we had one of our kids in bed with us -- we'd never have any fun!

Answer 9

It is time to teach your son to sleep in his own bed. I'm sure it's nice waking up next to him. But it will be healthier for him to feel safe and secure away from you at night. the transition is going to be difficult, there will be tons of screaming but he will survive. It may take up to a week but it will be worth it for you and him. good luck

Answer 10

My girls slept with me till they were 3 & 4. I enjoyed it, so did they. But when a king size bed became too small for 4 of us, they had to go. Me personally, if your hubby is being deployed, thee is no harm in letting him stay for a bit more. He'll have enough emotional issues when daddy leaves. Good luck to you and him through this.