Homophobic parents. 13 year old boy in destress?

Question

I'm 13 and a boy, but I'm gay. My parents are hohophobic. How should I bring it up to my mom, if I get a bf/she asks me?? I'm really stressed out.

Answer 1

You people who are encouraging this child to commit suicide or get a girlfriend or hide in the closet - STOP IT.

My dear boy, don't listen to all the negative people who responded. They are pathetic and ignorant. Their opinion is only born out of hatred and fear and they are serving to do you harm. Realise and accept who you are without fears, and they will come around to accepting it just as you have. There is nothing they can do but to accept it at some point.

There is no easy way to do it other than just simply sitting down with them and talking to them. It will be difficult, but you can only be honest. Who knows, their reactions may be differet to what you are fearing.

But if they react violently, there is nothing you can do but to simply say, "I am who and what I am. Your anger cannot change that. I am happy with who and what I am. Can you not do the same for me?"

Be content with your self. Others who will judge you and mock you for who you are have insecurities and ignorance within themselves that you shouldn't let affect you.

I'm sorry this world is full of ignorance and hatred. But there are many who are wonderfully accepting and loving - you will find them in your lives and you will treasure them.

You are young. You have your battles ahead of you. Be happy with knowing and accepting who you are, as this is the only thiing that matters and should matter to you.

Your parents are humans. They may not understand and accept, but they have their own lessons to learn.

Be patient and strong.

By the way, please be careful if you are going to communicate directly with people through email or chatlines about this. There may people who will take advantage of you - please don't allow this to happen. Just be careful and if something is not feeling right, listen to your instinct. Only listen to the truth that you know and feel.

Answer 2

You don't know that you're gay. If your mom asks you about it,answer truthfully,don't jump to the conclusion that you're a homosexual. It doesn't matter what you look at when you **** off or if you've thought a guy was good looking,that stuff doesn't neccesarily make you gay. You're 13 and you've probably never had sex,so you can't say what your sexuality is. Don't stress out and take all this too seriously. You may not be gay at all.

This site should be able to clear up anything that's confusing you.
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~austbua/


PS.If you are gay,there's nothing wrong with that,and you should folow Nocturne's advice.


PPS.I'm fully aware this could be someone trolling,but the answers will still show up if someone really looking for help searches for the already asked question.

Answer 3

There is a play titled "Deathwish" which I ran across in highschool. I went looking for it online the other day to answer a different question, and couldn't locate it, nor can I recall who it was written by. Basically, its a play containing several scenes based around the idea of "coming out" to one's parents ranging from extremely positive, to absurd, to extremely negative. You mention that your parents are homophobic, and thats not a good place for you to start from, especially since they can make your life a living hell if they want to, and there is rather little you can do about that except run away, which can be both liberating for you and extremely dangerous at the same time. Certainly, I would not reccommend it as a first choice, but if you feel your personal safety is at stake, don't even hesitate to do anything you need to do to put yourself in a safe place.

Don't be afraid or upset or stressed over who you are. Time isn't going change who you are, at least not in this aspect of your life. Talking about it with others isn't going to change who you are either. If you do talk to the right people, though, they might be able to help you put this stuff in perspective. You didn't choose your parents just as you didn't choose to be gay, and you are not likely to be able to change your parents, at least not quickly. That will take time. At 13, you have quite a long time ahead of you to figure out how to do that tactfully, but be prepared for the possibility that you might not ever be able to change your parents.

Regarding how to bring this up to your parents when/if you get a bf, just mention the person as your friend. You don't need to go into details about WHY you are friends with your bf. However, you will need to be careful about what you choose to do together, especially if you hang out a lot at your parents' place.

Be well, and be safe, and I wish you the best of luck with this difficult situation.

Answer 4

hello okei, long time no see, hope you have been keeping well :) i'm not quite there with my little, so i cannot offer any comments or suggestions which speak of first-hand experience but i was reading something interesting yesterday. it was an article in the paper, talking about the journey the young teenage daughter of an explorer/adventurer is going to be undertaking soon in the antarctic. the father was berated for taking her out of school but he claims the trip will be worth much more than hours spent in the classroom, in terms of learning. also, the way the older sibling commented on what she derived from a similar adventure, from being exposed to hardships and overcoming challenges, at a tender age, how much it taught her about herself, what she is capable of, the new perspectives gained, makes me think that it's true, how we often talk about protecting and sheltering children when in fact, sometimes children can gain a great deal from confronting certain kinds of hardship and it can be a tremedous way to build character. i'm sure an antartic trek is not for everyone but, perhaps, engaging in some sort of adventure camp or some such activities may do some good. i think the whole concept ties in with dr weasel's answer, the idea that it's good for a young boy to have positive role models. it's one of the reasons my husband and i decided to try our son with scouts, it's proving a step in the right direction so far. i wish your friend (as well as the young man and the parent in question) well with this.

Answer 5

Do your parents even know that you're gay? If they don't, then you need to tell them first of all.

You should take the relationships easy, especially in your situation. You don't want to expose your orientation in your teenage years too much, since a lot of teenagers tend to judge people by their circumstances and not by their actual personality. Besides, it would be hard to get a boyfriend at this age, since a lot of teenagers either don't reveal their gayness until later when they are adults, or they don't even realize/discover they are gay until later.

Answer 6

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is much more important for you to slowly and safely start feeling comfortable with your own identity - whatever it is - then worry just this sec re your parents. It will come. The BEST thing you can do is get group peer counselling with slightly older gays - 20's maybe - as well as teens - that have been through this and are now doing okay, open to their parents, etc!

See this:

http://www.youthresource.com/
http://www.bidstrup.com/cool.htm
http://www.geocities.com/westhollywood/4941/
http://www.youthresource.com/about/youth_group.htm

Good luck!

You really ARE okay!

Answer 7

there's no easy way around this...the best way to do it is just to sit her down one night and explain everything to her, your mom loves you for who you are and even thought it may take a while for her to get use to it she will eventually, it took my friends parents a few weeks to adjust but it's been 3 years now and things are still awesome between them, they've even met his boyfriend and get along great. After all your parents love you and they'll learn to love you life choices it just may take some time to adjust and you need to be willing to give them that time

Answer 8

first you have to be 100% sure of yourself then wait a while coz your like 13 right explore your options and make sure that you know what you want and are not indecisive when the time is right youll know dont stress

Answer 9

AT LEAST YOU TOLD YOUR PARENTS, ME PARENTS WOULD FREAK OUT IF I TOLD THEM I WAS LESBIAN. I HAVE A GF, AND I DON'T THINK I CAN EVER TELL THEM... SO I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO ANSWER THIS QUESTIN. JUST TRY TELLING HER, AND SEE HER REACTION. JUST TELL HER IT'S REALITY.

Answer 10

in my opinion, you are far too young to consider your sexuality. relax and wait a few years - and don't even consider returning anyone's flirtations either.