His response was basically "I have no reason to contact anyone that hasn't been in my life for 21 yrs". My family was very hurt after thinking that we would meet him after me e-mailing him. Does anyone have any advice that could make him change his heart? I would really like to meet my 1st cousin and get to know him. Thank you for your time!!!!!
2007-02-04 14:04:12 · 8 answers · asked by thereisnobathroom! 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Given the fact that you have no idea what he's been told for the last 21 years- I'd let sleeping dogs lie for now. He's going to have to digest that you've sought him out and try and figure out how to proceed.
If it were me, I'd email him that I wasn't trying to interfere, that had I had the option all those years, I most certainly would have wanted to have a relationship with him- as would his aunts/uncles/father/whoever else.....but that you can understand and respect his wishes whatever they may be.
You may find that by just unlocking the door, the day will come that he'll come through- but he'll do that when he's ready.
I can't say that if I'm 21 and my absent all my life father's family contacted me that I'd be a bit resentful- ESPECIALLY if I was told that it was that families CHOICE to not be involved.
Good luck and please, don't push him.
2007-02-04 14:09:08 · answer #1 · answered by TRAC 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, I am sure that the poor boy is in shock. How would feel if after living one life for the last 21 years, someone comes up to you, on the internet, and says we're family and we want to meet you?
It is a very tricky situation that you are in, things like this can get very complicated and painful for all parties involved. You may have to accept the fact that he may not want to communicate with you or your family.
I would give him a little time to process, I imagine his world is upside down right at the moment.
Good Luck, and I wish you all the best.
2007-02-04 14:10:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe if he could just get to know you, the rest of the family could meet him after he got comfortable with you, after you explain that it was lack of opportunity, not lack of interest, that kept your family out of his life. Remember you and your family are strangers to him. Don't blame his mom, she was just wanting to give him a father, and the chance for a normal family life. She may have told him what happened to her, and he may be feeling some of the hurt she must have gone through.
2007-02-04 14:44:29 · answer #3 · answered by bella 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I know what you mean my grandpa gave up rights to my mother when she was born and she has only met him 3 times. Its hard! But try to write him or call him, I think that if you start to talk maybe he might come around. Sometimes people are scared to meet others even if their family, get to know him by mail, phone or im. Good Luck to you.
2007-02-04 14:09:55 · answer #4 · answered by Mary a 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him that the decision of not being in contact with him wasn't yours, that you would have loved to meet him and have a relationship with him, that you understand him, but the problem was between your uncle and his mom, doesn't have anything to do with you and the rest of the family. I can't tell you if he would change his mind but it's worth a try, Good Luck!!
2007-02-04 14:11:20 · answer #5 · answered by fun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't give up...... in a way if you look at it in his eyes he's never seen is real dad and maybe doesn't know what happened when he was 2. I think if you just keep at it or try to explain to him, that's the best that you can do.
You can't force a person to want to in your life... show him that your do care but don't be too aggressive or you'll scare him away.
2007-02-04 14:12:34 · answer #6 · answered by Destinee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the bull by the horns. Go meet him.
2007-02-04 14:07:26 · answer #7 · answered by tewarienormy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
write him a letter or email and tell him this but in the end you have to respect his wishes.Sorry I know that is not what you wanted to hear.
2007-02-04 14:08:11 · answer #8 · answered by stegall_sherry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋