my bf is an alcoholic, im tired of it...what should i do?

Question

when i met my bf he was an alcoholic, he would drink everyday. when we started dating he stopped a little. we have gotten into 100's of arguments because of his drinking . im fed up with it, i dont know what to do. i love him too much to leave him, but every argument we have is making me stronger n stronger that eventually i'll be able to leave him. i'm just fed up with his drinking habbit, it got to the point where i cant take it anymore. we argue like almost every wknd. its like he dont give a f*** bout what i think or feel. im just there. im nobody. thats pretty much how he makes me feel. ive told him like 8000 times that i hate dat but he dont give a f*** its like everything i tell him goes in one ear and out the other. i feel like he dont care bout s***. i love him and i dont want to leave him. i dont know what to do, i want to help him but i dont know how. i want to make it clear to him that he can lose me. he tells me he'll stop but he never does, its back to the same thing.

Answer 1

leave him even if you dont want to....you dont need that sh*t, and you deserve better n you know that..... hes never gonna change you said it yourself...so say goodbye and move on with your life....

Answer 2

By staying with him and putting up with his behavior, you are actually enabling him to continue being this way. I have a friend who has a friend who was married to an alcoholic. For years, she did what you did. She had him go to counseling and AA and such. It didn't help. She finally had enough and separated from him. Now for the first time in a long time, he was forced to live on his own, take care of himself, hold down a job, and otherwise be a responsible adult. We have yet to see how he will work out.

I think that you should respect yourself enough to not put up with the abuse. It will be difficult and painful, kind of like a bandaid.

I'm sorry, dear, for the harsh answer :(

Answer 3

I have been in your situation and the thing to do is to try to get him into AA to get some help. He cant do it for you he has to Want to do it for Himself. If this is not an option then you may have to think about moving on, for the simple fact nothing is good when you are arguing every day and sooner of later the arguments may turn into hitting and you don't need that. I know its hard to leave the one you love but if it was meant to be it will be. Think about it and pray about it. I wish you the best.

Answer 4

girlfriend love is not worth your pride and your own dreams.. and the rest of you life. your not living with or being around him your putting up with his drunk a** that isn't going anywhere and he is bring you down with him. Ya'll get into arguments because he is defending what he does and because your right he does not give a fu*k. wait okay let me say that one more time. HE DOES NOT GIVE A F**K. He does not care, because if he did then he would change his way. what are you going to do if he leaves you? ... that will be such a bad situation and you will never forgive yourself for putting up with so much bs. The reason why its so hard to leave him is because he is prob. very verbally abusive towards you and this situation. If he loved you then he would want to see you happy.. and you are not happy.. so who is HE thinking of YOU or HIM? who is getting THEIR way? who is making the sacrifices for the other person? who is the one that has to holds a lot of pain ? because when he drinks he doesn't feel anything.. THIS guy is not worth telling anything 8000 times. I know you don't want to leave him.. but come on? there is so much more to life then that crazy sh*t ... you need to have more pride.. you need to get the personality that like f*uck you i know what i want and its not you.. come on girls .......need to start standing up for stupid sh*t like this

Answer 5

Alcohol is an addiction. No longer is the addict the person they once were, they are now driven by the addiction, the need. If your self estem, self worth and self value is high and you are confident,and competent, my counsel would be to slowly yet surely seperate yourself from him. Melody Beattie books are remarkable for co-dependents of which you possibly could be. She also has 12 steps for Co dependents. Get thee to a bookstore, or a library, and choose read the books suggested , work the exercises and choosento live a life filled with joy, peace, and serenity. You are a divine gift and deserve to be treated as such.

Answer 6

It has been my experience that an alcoholic can't quit for someone else, no matter how much he or she loves him or her. Your boyfriend must come to quitting on his own. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to help this process along. But you must take care of yourself. My advice is to end the relationship and live your own life. You don't want to wake up 10 years from now, still having the same arguments and wondering what the hell happened. Good luck.

Answer 7

You know what you need to do, but it's the answer that you don't want to hear.

Your boyfriend will never be able to understand you because he's dealing with his own problems. He has an addiction, you recognize that. His addiction is drowning out whatever other problems he's having.

Your role in the relationship, being a girlfriend is not to nurse him back to health, he shouldn't be a project for you to deal with.

I would want to get someone from AA to help out in your situation. He's going to have to get into rehab. Otherwise, you're going to have one miserable life, and upon that it's only going to get worse. If you loved him, you'd want the best for him, and what he needs is to get better and you just can't do that on your own.

Answer 8

Get out of the relationship. If you think it's bad now, imagine how it would be if you married him. You think it goes in one ear and out the other now? If you're married, it would get worse. You deserve much better treatment than you're getting. It seems to me that you have made it clear what the consequences are if he doesn't stop drinking and NOTHING changes.
You say that you want to HELP him. You can't help him. He doesn't want help. You can't FIX him or CHANGE him. You can only change yourself.
I think you do know what to do. Move on and find someone who is worthy of you.

Answer 9

hey.... my boyfriend and i have been dating for 4 years and im 18 now, he drinks alot and smokes alot too, hes been smoking since he was in 6th grade!! And not just cigarettes, anything.... i broke up with him the in about a year into our relatinship and he loved me enough to quit.... BUT it only lasted for about 5 months.... i was really hurt he could not quit.... we fight over it everyday til this day, and i understand its addicting but i try so hard to make ihm stop..... I know how you feel.... i love him too much to leave him too...... i feel like if he really loved me he'd stop but he wont even though i know he cares for me so much and loves me so much, we fianlly came to a compromise because he would ususlly smoke about 4 times a day, and he wouldnt tell me id find out from a friend or something..... now he smokes about 2 times a day and hes getting better and better as long as we work together and communicate..... now the drinkning hes the same way, he drinks every single day and it bothers me soooo much..... we had to compromise now to only weekends and its working, and we also compromised that if he drinks he had to have a limit..... so far its working, but you just have to try really hard ot make it work.... i really hope this helps, and i just want you to know your not alone on this type of thing.....

Answer 10

It's gonna be hard to have him break his habit. Tell him to choose which one he wants more; you or alcohol. Tell him he don't have to quit completely, tell him he needs to cut back. Let him know that you are there to help him in anyway. If he still keeps it up, tell him that he will loose you unless he goes to AA meetings to where he will stop completely. Be strong, but also be there for him, he will need your help as much as possible to get through this stage.

Answer 11

Hew loves his alcohol more than you dear because he is an alcoholic. He has to be ready, and he has to hit the bottom of that pit he's in. You need to SHOW him his actions are no longer tolerated and you need to tell him NO. He won't get it right till he hits bottom. The message your giving him is you accept the way he is. Good luck.