My Mother in-law is driving me crazzy and it's like everything my husbands dose for her like taking her on trips with us or just taking her out to eat or shopping she never seems thankful for it. And she makes him and I sound like the bad guys to her other children. And it just drives me crazzy that my husband takes this from her.
2007-02-04 13:18:59 · 34 answers · asked by JG78 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sad to say his the oldest child out of the five of them and we live in Georgia and she lives in Ohio.
2007-02-04 13:33:35 · update #1
I know the instinctive advice here is to keep quiet and be the bigger person, but that is not the advice you will get from me. I dealt with this same situation for years and chose to turn the other cheek. My mother in-law habitually bashed us to family and friends for things we did, choices we made, things we didn't do and even things she just made up for sake of the drama. The stories she told were so hurtful to my husband it was unbelievable that a mother could be this way. Especially since he was constantly doing for her in an effort to prove to her that he was not the bad guy she painted him to be. Nothing was ever enough, but I kept my mouth shut because she is his mother and he loved her. That was the biggest mistake I could have made. I should have confronted her and spoken to her about how I felt about what she was doing and how her actions were affecting my marriage to her son and how she was hurting him when she claimed to "Love" us soooo much. I allowed my feelings and resentments to build and fester for years until one day she said something to him that just crushed him heart and soul. We had just uprooted our children from the only home they had ever known and moved to the state where she lived because we had fallen on hard times financially and she convinced us that if we moved she would help us any and every way she could to get back on our feet and she would get to spend time with our children and be the grandmother "she had always wanted to be". However this particular day my husband had been out all day searching for employment and came home feeling very down having had no luck in finding a job. This woman looked at him and said, "I am not surprised, you are a nobody, you have never done anything with your life and you never will!" The pain I saw in my husband's eyes after she said this was more than I could take and I lost it. I spewed forth everything I had been holding in all those years and some to grow on. Needless to say that was 5 years ago and we do not speak to her at all anymore and do not have any sort of a relationship with her. My husband has not come to terms with this yet and cannot find it within his heart to forgive her. She makes absolutely no effort to have a relationship with our children, her grandchildren. She does not call them, she does not acknowledge birthdays, christmas, nothing and yet we still get wind of the stories she tells around town about us to this day. It is a sad sad end to a situation that should have and possibly could have been resolved in a much more amicable way if it had been addressed before it got the the breaking point. Talk to your mother inlaw.
2007-02-10 17:48:21 · answer #1 · answered by just lisa & proud of it!!! 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get a callerID and don't answer the phone. Best solution. I used to have one of those monster-in-laws. Get rid of the husband and the monster-in-laws went away. Voila! I don't know why do we have to have a mother out law. They are more trouble than worth it. What can you do if you can't deal with the in law? Some Christian are the phoniest people in the world.
2016-05-24 08:53:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People usually mistreat the one they love the most because they know no matter what they do or say they will still be treated with love and respect. Sounds like your husband loves his Mother dearly and that is admirable. I went to therapy for years only to find out that I was constantly doing for my abusive mother only to be treated crappy as always because in my childs heart I never stopped trying to get approval from her. I accept er the way she is now and know she does love me; just hasn't the capacity to show it. I confronted her and forgave her right after and told her I accept her for the way she does love me. Our relationship has been better since. Talk to your husband about his childhood, don't push he'll explain if and when he's ready. Share my story in hopes it'll help him make some sense of her behavior. Lastly be patient, he only has one Mom.
2007-02-11 15:41:23 · answer #3 · answered by #1 saints fan 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She's just being his mom. He is used to the way she treats him and probably would be a little freaked out if she was different. the question is, does she interfere with your relationship? So long as you and your hubby can make your own decisions and have plenty of time for ea other, let him handle his relationship any way he wants. Just be pleasant, you can do it on the bus with strangers....so do the same for her.....pick your fights....assume the best from people and you'll usually get it. Be careful not to read too much into her and her motivations. Good Luck
2007-02-04 13:23:03 · answer #4 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry! You're not alone - I totally understand. Just remember, the more you control your emotions around them - you'll come out smelling like a rose everytime. Try journaling your feelings on paper, getting them out and throwing out what you wrote. I found guys and their mothers have a bond that the wife can't seem to interfere with. Your mother-in-law might be incredibly jealous. Remember, however bad she acts, she's probably really hurting inside. God Bless.
2007-02-04 13:23:30 · answer #5 · answered by j b 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't let her have control of your life...that is what you are doing when you worry yourself with this. She lives in OHIO, sounds like that's where she belongs. YOU live in GEORGIA. Keep that in mind..and pick your fights WISELY. Some things are just not worth bothering yourself with. Who cares what other family members think? Phhhttt...You are giving HER all the power!
Let it GO! These things will create problems in your marriage if you don't seperate them from your daily life. Set her and her behavior aside in your mind and just get on with your life, be sweet, be yourself, and find your own peace. BLOW IT OFF!
2007-02-12 09:40:06 · answer #6 · answered by Franklymydear 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont know how long you have been married, but you sound just like me. the first 3 years of my relationship were a nightmare but I
what I have done is find ways to show my husband that WE are more important, that he can be nice but, he also has to learn to say no to his Mom.
Be nice and very polite with her, even if she is not nice to you... thats your best weapon your SMILE it will make her crazy, all she wants is get you upset, dont let her!
Find ways to make her upset by you being nice, and some how and at some point your husband is going to realize how manipulative she is.
My mother in law is always playing games to maes us feel guilty. This past thanksgiving she told us she was going out of town with friends and she didnt! she stay in her bed the whole weekend! she lied to us! I kind of sensed she did so, I took my husband to her house because she wast answering her cell phone, I told him I was worry (pretend) and I wanted to go see if she was ok, we found here in her pijamas sleeping at 3pm! and my husband was really pissed!! it showed him how far she can go with her games.
I have done things to show my husband and her family how crazy she can get, but remember to be nice, dont lose your temper, thats key.
At Xmas dinner I said some words before dinner and I thank my husband for all the good things he has done for us and I said thanks for giving US trips and adventure to our lives, and I mention a trip to hawaii that he give to his Mom that she NEVER thank for and she was red like a tomato and everybody loved me!!!
good luck! and sorry for what you are going thru, you are not alone you are lucky at least she is far from you! mine is 10 minutes away! dont call her, but always ask your husband if he has talk to her ... like you care
2007-02-04 13:35:32 · answer #7 · answered by lisirm 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My ex-husband always had his Mother live with us.....until I left him and then, he couldn't stand living with her and put her in a nursing home. Wasn't that nice of him? (She was elderly and very difficult to live with).
You will have to make a choice.....let those feelings against her roll off your back like water on a duck OR
leave. Try communicating with your husband but not in a naggy insinuating tone.......ok:? Good Luck! :)
2007-02-10 23:52:51 · answer #8 · answered by missellie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh my goodness!! i know how you feel.. i dated this guy once and he had the rudest family.. i mean they just were not nice people in gen. no respect for anyone and very VERY 2 face about situations !!! after awhile it did get annoying because my ex never corrected a situation when he should have, or he would let them disrespect me because he didn't have enough balls to stand up about it... and eventually it came between him and i and made me leave him!! when i was in this situation the last thing i wanted to do was go talk to her about that because with some people they A. just don't care and B. makes the situation worse because all they think about is there self. Even thought she might talk bad about ya'll to them doesn't mean they believe it!!! your husband needs to get this to stop.. it is ridiculous!! and its silly to say for ya'll to get a divorce ... he needs to step up to the plate. good luck
2007-02-04 13:29:42 · answer #9 · answered by Emmie S 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!! are u sure her name isnt martha and she is my mother in law too. i have been married for 7 yrs...... and at the beginning she did the same thing to my husband. she tells him all the time that he owes her!! i guess the fact that she feed him and clothed him. no child is asked to be born and says " oh if u give birth to me i will forever owe you...." what really set me over the edge one day was that she told my husband , in front of me , that i destroyed her family when i took her oldest son away from her! i told her off and made her understand that her baby was now 30 yrs old and married to a better looking woman. i told her that if she wants to see him or have a relationship she better start accepting me and respecting him and stop giving him a guilt trip every chance she gets. my husband told her also that i will always be in his life and that if she wants him around she has to accept me too...........
2007-02-04 13:58:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋