I've been w/ my boyfriend now 7 1/2 yrs. He has somewhat strung me along, gave me a ring about 3 yrs ago, but never officially proposed. This in return has caused strain on the relationship & plays cat & mouse w/me. He manipulates me w/verbal abuse & when he gets upset doesn't say he loves me. We've been very rocky past 6 mos and I know I deserve better, to be loved & told I'm loved. He is very hard to talk to, gets defensive easily and always turns anything as my fault..He's never apologized once in our relationship, it's always me asking forgiveness & giving into to everything. I've learned that is what verbal abusive entails...just started realizing this in the past year. Anyhow, I can't physically & emotinally stay in this.. How do I talk to him or write a letter I can read to him (because he intimidates me when I talk to him) to let him know I love him, but I need to move on but want his friendship (is it possible, I hope). I really don't want it to end, I do love him.
2007-02-04 13:10:47 · 17 answers · asked by SMILEYGIRL 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I wouldn't bother. I used to focus a lot of maintaing friendships after I broke up with several long term girlfriends and eventually we drifted apart.
2007-02-04 13:15:24 · answer #1 · answered by bosstone75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, come on! Leave the guy alone. He didn't string you along anymore than you bought into the whole idea. Geesh.
So what if he never officially proposed? Does he have to? Does anyone have to? What about you? Did you propose to him? Why are you blaming the guy?
THAT caused strain? YOU caused strain!
I'm not trying to be mean here or anything, I'm just reading along in bewilderment, that's all.
It's all in how you look at it. Take it at face value. He gave you a ring. That's a nice gift. Hardly something to cause strain. Your beliefs are causing strain, not his generosity!
O.K., now the meat of it. He is abusive. That's not good.
But, I wouldn't equate not saying "I love you" to being verbally abusive. Some people have very loving relationships without ever having to say those words. Words are in themselves meaningless. Love shines through or it doesn't.
Blaming you is not a good thing. That needs some attention.
Anyway, you've just got to stop playing the victim.
How do you do it?
Just tell him that you don't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend anymore. You already know that it's an unhealthy relationship.
Don't say that he intimidates you. Don't buy into that. Just recognize how you feel around him. Don't label it. Don't give him the power of intimidation. I'm not saying be all macho and brave it all. Not at all. Just be yourself, but try to understand that the feelings you feel are from within yourself. They're giving you a pretty good clue as to this relationship being unhealthy.
To be honest, I'd say leave the friendship. Don't worry, you can make friends again. It's O.K. Just don't bother yourself being friends with someone you know is abusive.
It is a loving thing to stop something unhealthy. Take a break. Just give him a call, or talk to him in person. Just tell him that you don't want to be in the relationship anymore. He has to accept that.
Please don't be one of those girls that always has to have a man. I'm sure you'll end up with another guy when the time is right anyway.
Let it go.
2007-02-04 13:22:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you were the third wheel, that means you are a guy and her man got tired of you hanging around! Most normal folks do not hang out with opposite gender friends that are attached as couples or married. I have friends of both genders, but only socialize on invitation only. Privacy was a problem when my ex boyfriend from long ago had to be total bestfriends to the freaking planet! That was many years ago and I got sick and tired of strangers being brought to my home! I am married now and we let each other know in advance when people come over to MY home. I never show up to my friend's homes uninvited. We might be on the toilet, bathing, ot having sex!
2016-05-24 08:53:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 7 1/2 years of emotional abuse, I think you already know that there won't be any way to keep him as a friend when you break up with him, and it is vital that you break up with him. Verbal abuse is very often only the first step towards physical abuse and I would suggest that when you do break up with him that you have someone nearby who will step in if you become in physical danger. Don't let him intimidate you, be firm and do not allow him to twist your words. GET AWAY FROM HIM. Five months ago my daughter was in the same situation and when she broke up with him he nearly beat her to death. I wish you the best of luck.
2007-02-04 13:19:51 · answer #4 · answered by storytllr1961 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the truth. Don't sugarcoat it, or beat around the bush. I'm speaking from personal experience--if you give the other person hope you might take them back, they will not let it go. Write something just like you wrote here. He might still be your friend--he might not--but that's a risk you need to take. You deserve to take that risk. Relationships are not just about being there for another person--it's also about getting your needs met. Break-ups require you to muster up frankness and even a little selfishness. It will hurt, but everyone will survive.
2007-02-04 13:16:19 · answer #5 · answered by aparadoxsimple 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, this is hard, your not happy with this relationship and seems you really want out, just tell him and stick to it , go on with your life and yes there are men who will love you and be willing to tell you so.......he sounds like he has many walls and issues with his own security. Abuse in any form should never be tolerated if youmarried him it would just become a statistic anyway. If you broke up and remained friends you would be the one sending a mixed messege but after awhile it is possible to be friends...... good luck
2007-02-04 13:25:19 · answer #6 · answered by pekoka2000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he behaved that way to get out of marriage. I don't know why he continued with you if he didn't want to marry except he was comfortable with you. Sometimes being a jerk is a ploy to get you to end things with them. But, you seemed to have tolerated a long time.
I also don't understand why you would want to be friends with him after the way he treats you. You tell him that you have to move on. That you can't wait for him anymore. You want more from a relationship. That's the way you end things. But, don't be friends with him. It's going to be very hard on you to do so and it will be easier for you to move on if you don't see him anymore.
2007-02-04 13:15:35 · answer #7 · answered by Groovy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to break it to him easy. tell him you love him, but if the relationship is going to work he needs to change in the following ways. Insert ways you want him to change here. Then explain for the next few weeks you are going to make your decision if he can't be the perfect guy you have to move on and find your soul mate
2007-02-04 13:19:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Break it off all together. You dont want to be friends, because the fact once he is with someone else you'll be wanting to get back with him. Even you two became good friends his new gf would try her best to break ya'll apart(vise versa). He'll try the same with you when you get a new bf.
SAY GOOD BYE and be done with it
2007-02-04 13:37:06 · answer #9 · answered by Jessi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you already know, you have issues within yourself that need to worked on. If you have stayed over 7 years, accepted this behavior, feel that you love him, and yet you want to breakup and be friends? See a good therapist; your self esteem is nonexistent. Good luck to you.
2007-02-04 13:17:24 · answer #10 · answered by candace b 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋