Found out on Wed morning that I'm prego (now Sun night) worried that I won't be a good parent..... Help !!!!

Question

Am even thinking that I shouldn't have this BABY !!! :( I know that your emotions change when you're prego but... now I'm thinking that I don't wanna be a mom... Could it just be that I don't wanna be w/ the dad ? I don't wanna be a single mom & live w/ my Mom & 1 or 2 sis's...but I don't wanna be living together & raising the baby together... I don't wanna abort the baby but I feel like I'd make a bad mom... :( Help !!!! Btw, I'm 27 & am unhappy in my rel. I made the mistake of telling him that I "might be pregnant". I'm thinking that maybe it was better not to say it til I could break it off wit him...I planned on breaking up wit him first but I guess I got caught up in da moment of telling him & it just slipped out... NOW how do I break up w/ him or make a decision on what to do ??? :( Then he could just pay child support & see his baby sometimes. Have any of you ever experienced this ? :( AGAIN I'm really scared... Part of me doesn't even want this baby !!! :( I was excited when I

...found out on Wed...

:'( I'm CRYING right now even !!! I think I really needa talk to a counselor bout this... I'm feeling all sorts of emotions right now... Ty everyone... for your support... I reeeeeally REEEEEALLY need it right now !!! & I know that I don't want an abortion... I decided that if I got prego that I'd keep the baby....

If I wouldn't have gone over to his new place (he was living w/ me @ one pt) & we broke up for 2 whole mos...I wouldn't have been in this predicament... The first night I was over he was tryna get close to me but I wanted to ONLY be friends !!! We broke up 3 or 4x. It's been like this for a long time... I feel guilty for staying w/ him for as long as I have... cuz I don't even love him !!! I've told him b/f that I did cuz I thought that I did but I don't alwayz wanna be w/ him... I alwayz dreamed of getting married THEN having a baby !!! Not getting prego THEN getting married !!! *sigh*... It's harder on me now to break it off w/ him... I told him that we should start looking for a place in April... & move @ the end of June/early July... On Wed I was happy (not initially, initially I was shocked/surprised/in disbelief but also could believe it) when the preg test was pos. Then I was happy. My feelings change fr day to day. I'm tryna be excited. I think it's cuz I don't really want him

in da pic anymo... :(

Some reasons are stupid...why I don't wanna be w/ him. But the main reason is cuz I don't love him... I just couldn't break it off w/ him !!! We're really close & can tell each other pretty much anything... I feel like I wouldn't be able to tell another bf these things. I guess I was afraid to break up w/ him cuz I was afraid that I wouldn't have a FRIENDSHIP w/ him... The minor things are him saying stupid things that annoy me, him drinking (I want my baby to have a father whose not gonna drink), him twisting my words around (annoying again). The best thing that I've got going on regarding him is that he feeds me good to take care of the baby. His mom said that he should go to a place in this town 1/2 an hr away to "dry out". He doesn't agree w/ it. I told him that for every time that he drinks he should pay twice as much ($25) away for the baby. But that's not even much! When I'm @ home I don't eat very well but when I'm @ his place I eat better. He makes sure that I eat good tho....

Answer 1

First. Don't worry. You NEED to think about your baby. I had a similiar situation. I was newly pregnant and realized that the father was a raging alcoholic with mental problems. He treated to kill me, our baby, my parents. All because of one night when he was drunk. There were no signs of this before pregnancy. I had to decide then and there that our child did not deserve to be in the middle of the craziness. It was so hard, because the father was standing in front of me blaming that I was taking his child from me. I had to keep telling him that he was doing it himself. I stuck to my guns and ended it. I told him that he needed to get clean and sober or he would not be in his child's life. Period. His choice. He was clean for a whole 3 weeks. That wasn't good enough for our baby. He was out of his life. Your child will thank you later, for protecting them. You need to do what is right for the baby. You will NOT regret it. I promise. It's the best thing that happens to you. There are programs out there that will help you being a single parent. Just stick to your guns, you will feel great afterwards. Your family will help you, you'd be surprised.
If it still feels like you don't want the baby, there is always adoption. If it weren't for adoption I wouldn't have half my brotheres and sisters. I'm 1 of 10. Good luck.

Answer 2

Ok my dear calm down. I understand how you must be feeling. I was scared when I found out I was pregnant and I am married, in love and wanted the baby!! It can be a very terrifying experience and hormones do not help. Listen, you do want this baby or you would not have allowed yourself to become pregnant. You are afraid because the future is uncertain, but that is life, no one knows the outcome. This baby is most likely a blessing in disguise and maybe you won't see this until you have the child. Your relationship with the father sounds poor and I wish you had a stable partner to help you. Please at least consider having the baby and trying to work things out with him, maybe you will learn a lot about each other through this pregnancy and maybe you will find things that will draw you closer.Things happen for a reason. If you were like a lot of girls who just forgot the BC then you would not be asking whether or not you would be a good mom. Those types never even care and only become prego because they are lazy, thoughtless and immature. Seeing you have the common sense to even ask if you would be a good mom or not means you have the potential to be a great one. The fact that you are anxious means you have a good brain and no it will be hard. Listen, give this baby and yourself a chance. You are strong and you'll both make it.

Answer 3

I am a very young mom, so I will give you a short version of my story and maybe it will give you some encouragement. I got prego at 20 with this stupid guy that I wasnt even dating. I decided since I do not personally beleive in abortion to give him up for adoption. I lied and told the guy it wasnt his to get him off my back, and since he is such a looser it worked. I hated being prego and the whole time dispised and resented my unborn chid. I planned the whole adoption thing out and even had the adoption parents at the hospital ready to take him. I gave birth to a boy at 21, and right after I had him something changed in me. I wanted to change and feed him and all the other stuff. Needless to say somehow I survived and I have a 5 1/2 year old son and he is amazing. I do not regret keeping him at all, but let me warn you that being a mom is hard work and newborn crying baby's dont make it any easier on us emotionally or mentally. I had no money for the first few yrs he was alive, but God always provided for us and he was always fed and clothed. Things are much better now. I met my husband of 2 yrs while i was prego and he has always been there for me and my son, so even though things were really hard for the first few yrs the older they get the easier and more fun it gets. I wouldnt trade any of my expeirences because everything I learned has made me who I am and I owe it all to my son!! I hope my story helps you, and trust me when I say when I found out I was prego, I cried and freaked out for the first 4 mnths so dont feel bad at all.

Answer 4

First off hon breath! I have a 2yr old little girl her daddy and I are no longer together we were togeter5months when I found out I was prego he and I were both scared to death about it but we did what we had to do for our little girl even though we weren't getting along, we lived with his mom,dad and 2 younger siblings for 15 months before we got on our feet enugh to get our own place. Don't think less of yourself if you have to stay with your mom for a little while. Your baby will love you even if you don't have your own place for awhile it would rather be safe and in a stable home than in a place where you're not happy they feel what you feel. Now that My ex and I are split up it's better the baby doesn't hear us arguing anymore we talk to each other like civil adults now. There is a solution to the whole child support issue if you're worried about your baby knowing it's daddy and don't want to be a full time single mom split the time with baby equally between you and the daddy. It works wonderfully my ex and I both get to watch and enjoy our daughter grow and we also get the free time that most single parents don't get to enjoy. Whatever you do don't shut the man out of his child's life unless he is a danger to it, so many GIRLS now days shut the daddy out of their baby's life REMEMBER it will only hurt your precious baby in the end. I know you will be a fantastic mommy because you're worried about it when you don't worry then somethings wrong. Start getting excited being a mom is the most beautiful thing you will ever experience. Don't be afraid God never gives you more than you can handle at one time!!!!! E-mail me anytime at [e-mail] if you need someone to talk to, mommys need that alot!

Answer 5

I think its just the hormones and you will get over that feeling. Don't be with him if you are going to be miserable! Why would you want the child to experience an unstable marriage? Well, if you decide not to keep the baby then I suggest adoption. I am a biased opinion though because my husband and I are trying to adopt and understand the joy you would be giving someone. If you decide to keep the baby then the baby could bring so much joy to you! It really is up to you and what you think is best! You can't undo your decision later on, some pros though are the fact that if you place the baby and choose an open adoption you can see pictures and letters of your child as they grow and know you made a good decision (with abortion you can't do that). Anyway, I would love to talk with you if you would like to place your child in an adoptive home. We are working with an agency and have a home study.


-Crystal (hoping to adopt a child of any race or gender)
http://ourjourneytoadoption.blogspot.com/

My friend Joanne is hoping to adopt too!
http://ouradoptionplan.com

Answer 6

U poor girl. Sounds just like my situation. I stayed with my bf in hopes that things would get better. He made my pregnancy miserable. I always found other girls numbers and found out that he had signed up for a dating site. I did at about 14 weeks decide to have an abortion. He begged me to stay and I now I'm glad I did. After she was born he really suprised me and stepped up to try and be a good dad. We still have our problems but started counseling. I love my baby more than anything and I know that even if her dad isn't in my life, at least i will always have her. Don't have an abortion. What are the reasons you want to break up with your bf? Are they things that could be worked on? Could you try counseling? Even if you 2 don't work out, you will never regret having your baby. You might wish it was with someone else or that it was at a later time in your life, but trust me you'll never regret having it. If your mom nd sisters are in your life I'm sure that you can have there help to care for the baby. There is nothing wrong with being a single mom. Many moms have better relationships with their kids if they are the only parent. Don't worry. Everthing will work out ok.

Answer 7

It's totally natural to feel everything at once when you first find out you're pregnant. I too found out I was pregnant while in the process of trying to figure out if I really wanted to stay with my boyfriend at the time. We broke up when I was 4 months pregnant (it was ugly). I never thought I would be a single mom, but it worked out. I have a great son who will be a year old soon, good job, wonderful support from my family and friends. His father does pay child support and has very limited contact with us, but that's by his doing, so I don't feel bad about it. Abortion isn't the only alternative, there are wonderful adoption programs out there too. Your hormones and emotions are crazy right now. Just try to relax, if you feel like talking to a profession, do that. Everything will work out in the end.

Answer 8

Honestly just give it a while...I found out when i was 9 weeks. I ignored the missed periods because i didnt want to be pregnant. Although the babys father and I have a wonderful relationship he had just left for a 7 month deployment to Iraq and I was just scared... I had all the thoughts of what if something happens to him..Im going to be a single parent (selfish but..ya know) And I thought of adoption, even seriously looked into it. Then when i went at 12 weeks and heard the heartbeat I wasnt so into giving the baby up. Then once I told him he was so excited too...So that helped. But then at 20 weeks when i had my Ultrasound..i knew for sure I couldnt let go. So just give it some time..you'll start to become more attached to the baby and even though you dont want to do it alone..its better to do it alone than to be unhappy your whole life. Just tell him you dont want him in your life..that you know its his baby but you really just want to handle this on your own because you arent happy with him. Good Luck.

Answer 9

First off I'm going to tell u the same thing I told my aunt when she found out she was pregnant with her first kid and she was feeling the same way. I told her not to worry about being a bad mom just because u are feeling what ur feeling...everyone is capable of having second thoughts, especially when ur ina situation like urself. And everyone in the world can give u advice but it will still come down to u and what u truely want and need.
and My motto for being a good mom is to always put your baby first, from coception on....u cant really go wrong if u always think of how ur choices will affect ur baby....once u have one u will realize, they come before anything ro anyone. So try not to panic, wiegh out all the pros and cons and make the decsion that is right for u.....I wish u luck, and hope everything works out.

Answer 10

Don't stay in your relationship if you're not getting along JUST because of the baby. If the relationship is unhealthy..... Get out of it!! It is normal to think that you are not going to be a good mother, part of nature..... but you have to understand, you grow mentally along with your baby developing. There is nothing wrong with being a single mom.... being a single mom is better than being in an unhealthy relationship, just because of a baby. The baby deserves better than that. I think you need to give yourself time to let the pregnancy sink in, and I am sure your mom and sisters will be there for you if you need them!! If you feel later on that you still cannot be a mom..... give the baby a chance to have a life..... you can always give the baby up for adoption... You can do this.... Remember, have faith in yourself..... You can conquer anything you set your mind to.....Be healthy and happy! Give yourself time to let this settle in your heart.... and have faith that you can be the best mom you can be!! Good Luck