Although we haven't seriously discussed future plans, this is still something that may cause problems down the line. My boyfriend recently built a house for himself, his parents next door and a cottage for his grandparents behind that. They all come and go as they please and although I love his family, I would be miserable not having privacy or alone time with him. He is perfectly content spending the rest of his life there, and even tells me that his grandparents cottage is his "retirement plan". I've told him I don't see this being my "forever house" for various reasons, including size, personal taste and the fact that I want to build a life WITH him, not find room to fit into his, but have been to afraid to admit that the biggest reason is because of the close proximity of his family. I don't want to hurt or upset him but I'm not sure how to honestly tell him how I feel...Any gentle suggestions?
2007-02-04 11:59:30 · 11 answers · asked by Amere124 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm not exactly sure why he built their houses so close together. I'm assuming the main reason is the value of the plots in the future as its just a short walk to the ocean in south FL.
I also failed to include that my boyfriend is extremely successful and very self-sufficient having lived on his own, away from his family for the past 13 or so years. It's more of a they depend on him situation which is a whole other issue in itself.
I really would hate to have to take the easy way out of this and just end everything now because on this speed bump, or hill or whatever it is. I know relationships are hard and take a lot of work but I'm willing to take that time and effort.
2007-02-05 09:51:02 · update #1
well....
I think you should ask him that if we should talk to his parents and family about this privacy thing
OR
you can also just let his family know that we need privacy AND tell them DONT take it seriuosly and dont tell HIM
if he is your boyfriend then please GET married maybe they may get comfortable with you or understand
I think that your boyfriend really should have asked you and also I think you should'nt be sooo UNEASY with him cause its like he just took A LOT of work in the house building and thought that you will be happy
Now The choose is upto you.....LOTS of choices but very little time the earlier the better
2007-02-04 12:06:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mmmmmm You can only speak to him on this if you have spoke of marriage or definitely about moving in together. That doesn't come over absolutely clear from your posting. If you have not then you are jumping the gun and best not to air your views at present. However, presuming all has been sorted out and it is your intention to be together for ever this must be addressed now. Some people are very happy with such a situation. Personally, although older I just could not have this sort of 'invasion' in my life, even if it was my own parents. If he has a house built, obviously there will be equity in it so would seem simpler to sell on and buy something together. Seem simple but not easy. He had his life planned out but if he loves you he should want you to be happy. Again his arguement may be if you love him you would want him to be happy. It's not going to be easy and will take very clever manipulation (not a nice word but that indeed will what it has to be) from you before he comes to terms with moving. His relatives may see it from your point of view but I would be prepared for the opposite if this is their way of life. One thing you omit is if there is any reason why these houses are together? If it's for example on a farm and also his livliehood that would put a different light on the matter and I think then it would be you that would have to make the difficult choice of staying with him there or splitting now. Wish you best of luck, it's going to be a battle of wits as really you both have excellent reasons for thinking your way is right.
2007-02-04 23:58:04 · answer #2 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would move in to the house. A couple of years down the line when familiarity has moved in your relationship/marriage, you'll be glad he's occupied with gran/family while you're going to the gym and busy doing other things, sorry, I'm a cynic.
I know someone who cut off her husbands relatives one by one, she just wanted her husband. After a few years she met someone else but her husband was by this time very clingy as he'd no family that bothered with him. He wouldn't let her go and she told me she wished she'd never cut the family off. She stayed and is so unhappy. Serves her right.
2007-02-05 18:27:43 · answer #3 · answered by Angelfish 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must discuss this with him as soon as possible as it is a very important issue between you. One that could break you up he sounds a very caring, family guy and he could chose them over you. I would be very pleased that we had somewhere nice to live and try to accept his family but make boundaries like you want to be alone at certain times without them being upset etc. If you cannot cope with his situation get out of it now before you all get hurt. Good luck.
2007-02-05 01:01:36 · answer #4 · answered by Kirks Folley 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him! He is SO attached to his family it's frightening! I know the type - they always side with their family, they discuss all your personal stuff with their family and he will always let his mum rule his life. she will always be the main lady in his life. You have to get out before it's too late.
Tell him exactly how you feel and I bet you anything he will confirm everything I've just said ( not outright of course)!
It's unhealthy not to want to break away from your parents and be independent - he's got BIG issues!!
2007-02-04 22:57:59 · answer #5 · answered by Easy Rider 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with Jennifer, lol, he is still sucking the nipple!
cut the damn cord already. i don't know why men always wanna cling to their families but women always seem to be independent. he will never change. he has told you in so many words how he plans on living. if you talk to him and he doesn't change you better move on or you will end up caring for him, his grandparents and his parents in the long run.
listen to that gut feeling that made you post this question in the first place, get far away from him. someone else is out there waiting on you!
2007-02-04 13:31:17 · answer #6 · answered by showstopper18 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Break up with him, the sooner the better. This guy is not a good catch. He's so attached to his family he's still breast-feeding, and that will never, never change. If you marry this guy, you will always feel like an outsider and you'll always be angry because you won't have any privacy. Move on.
2007-02-04 13:11:25 · answer #7 · answered by No Shortage 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes break up with him, you need to find a guy that doesn't want to be around his family. some people are like this,some people feel very close to there family's and some don't care. he wants to be close to his family so they can all look out after each other, it sounds like you just want to be just one on one and that's cool to, let him go, let him go let him go. there are woman all over the world that would love to be with a guy that's close to his family,he needs to find a woman that doesn't mind, you should end it before you hurt him. and hurt your self.
2007-02-04 16:42:05 · answer #8 · answered by devil weed 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with him, tell him what is bothering you as you do need boundaries for your relaitonship. You are treading on fire though as one's family is important, but at the same time he has to choose what is more important. You obviously are a nice person, and he has to appreciate your honesty, so tell him how you feel.
2007-02-04 12:14:30 · answer #9 · answered by St.Jeb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simple. Tell him what you feel and want. he ain't a mind reader now is he so how is he going to know what you wnat if you don't tell him.
Honesty is the best policy!!! :-)
2007-02-04 23:34:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋