My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a year and 3 months. I love him to death but I’m concerned about our relationship. I feel he treats me like crap. In the beginning of our relationship he kept pushing me to have sex with him I kept saying no and at one point he was at a party somewhere far away called me and told me if I didn’t sleep with him soon he was going to dump me because he was wasting his time. It made me feel awful and we broke up for awhile. Soon after he came back and apologized to me. We went back out. He began to lie to me about things. (HE SMOKES WEED) PRETTY OFTEN actually and it makes me feel uncomfortable. He would make plans with me then ditch me to go smoke weed. We’d have plan’s he’d call me last minute and tell me he had to break them. He even went as far as to say he had to entertain his GRANDPARENT’S GUESTS at there house!! We went to junior prom last year and now this year he is telling me that I should find another date to MY SENIOR prom because he doesn’t want to spend the money. (He goes to a different school.) And that I couldn’t go to his. Like this year I would have to choose one or the other. He had made a promise to me since the day we started dating that he would never smoke in front of me. Well he was having a party at his house and said he “had to smoke” and told me to not show up to his party because of it. He had me in tears. He told me if I did show up he was going to smoke regardless of my feelings. I was so upset. I have had sex with him on VERY few occasions and I told him I felt like I wanted to abstain for a year. He told me if I chose that path he’d be forced to break up with me because it took me a year to have sex with him in the first place. Yesterday he and I were going to a fancy party together he asked me to drive myself in my dress and high heals to his house because he didn’t feel like picking me up. When I refused he got VERY ANGRY WITH ME and told me I’d have to pay for his gas money. I refused some more and he finally picked me up but complained about it the whole time and was rude to me for about half the night. Today was another GREAT example of him being a jerk and what really pretty much drew the line for me. I was going over his house tonight….and I had my car so I would have to be sober tonight. He was planning and drinking and I told him it made me feel uncomfortable. He said well I want to drink and I want to see you. I told him I really didn’t feel comfortable and that he had to pick me or the alcohol. He told me that I see things in black and white and that it shouldn’t be that way. He said he was choosing the alcohol and then asked me “when are we going to hang out” I told warned him if he chose the alcohol over me we’d be done. I hung up the phone and haven’t talked to him since.
I’m very confused and not sure of what to do. I know a lot of this made it sound like he is a bad person. But I’m not sure what to think of him. He is someone I can talk to about ANYTHING! I know if I have a problem he’ll always be there for me no matter what! I know that if I needed someone to stick up for me it would be him. I tell him everything and he has never judged me. We’ve laughed together, cried together, and done everything together I’m not sure what to do.
QUESTIONS:….
-Is he treating me REALLY BADLY??
-should I end it with him.
-Is he using me for sex?
-Should I just take a break?
-what would you do in my situation? PLEASE HELP PLEASE!! I’m REALLY UPSET
2007-02-04 11:44:59 · 48 answers · asked by pantherkick07 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He is treating you badly. He sounds like an immature jerk. You didn't state your age but this is a typically teenage boy kind of reponse. If he cared about you he wouldn't treat you so badly and/or he doesn't think you are going to leave. Also, if he threatens to break up with you because you arn't having sex this is clearly an attempt by him to use you honey! Break up with him asap and find someone who isn't such a jerk. The sooner the better.
2007-02-04 11:49:54 · answer #1 · answered by motobecane 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like he's using you for sex...if he wanted to use someone for sex he would have found some slut he could just call on when he felt like it. You said you laugh and cry together and all that stuff, so it sounds like you have areas in which you get on really really well. But it also sounds like there are big areas in which you have little in common. He likes to drink and smoke weed and would like to have more sex, and I get the impression that you're not so into these things. He also sounds like someone who doesn't like to spend his money on the same things you do, viewing picking you up at your house or going to the prom with you as unnecessary and expensive annoyances. To me it sounds as though you and he, while having a connection on some level, aren't really that suited to each other. He's not making you happy, and he's not compromising on the things that are important to you, while expecting you to compromise on the things that are important to him (such as putting up with him smoking around you etc)
In your situation, if I really did like him, and didn't feel that all those feelings had disappeared, I would have a serious conversation with him about it. I'd say, look, I want to talk to you about something, and can you please listen until I've finished and then you can tell me what you think. Then (non-aggressively) tell him all the things about his behaviour that have been making you unhappy. Ask him whether he thinks he could change some things and be a bit more considerate of you. Ask him if there's anything about your behaviour that he doesn't like, and see if you can find a middle ground where you can both compromise and make small sacrifices for each other. If you feel uncomfortable with anything, then this is not the guy for you, and as you're still young, it's probably best to call it a day and stop wasting the time you could be spending finding someone else who is more likely to ttreat you how you'd like to be treated and share common interests with you. Maybe you and your current boyfriend would be better of as friends, without all the dependence and expectations of each other that a romantic relationship will bring.
Good luck!
2007-02-04 12:01:17 · answer #2 · answered by Katrina W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You teach people how to treat you.... Your BF has learned that you will allow him to disrespect you.. probably cheat on you... smoke pot against your wishes... . make you feel you are worthless...make you feel you are at the bottom of his list.. causes you tears and low points in your life.. he takes your smile and happiness away.... but wait.... you can talk to him about anything and he does not judge you... Why would he judge you when he has no boundaries himself and all the shame he bestoys on you is ok with him... If you think you will miss him because he is always there then I can think of a better solution and I sincerely mean this.. get yourself a loving dog.. a dog will never judge you, never be mean to you, a dog will always be happy to see you when you come home and will always wag his tail and make you smile.. a dog won't judge your cooking and eat anything you give him..... If your BF can't even be half the man or half the dog then you know your not in a good place with him.. think about moving on and taking care of yourself for a change. Until the guy learns to be a good dog then you will be in this same situation a year from now.... Protect yourself and your heart
2007-02-04 12:00:51 · answer #3 · answered by Lea 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Alright first of all this guy is nothing but a jerk. No one should make you feel uncomfortable about anything. You have morals that is good! Do not let some guy try to change that. He is treating you badly and you should not put up with it. I would end it with him, but I would do it in public. Also take a friend with you, who could maybe wait in your car or outside. It will be good for the drive home. I don't think he is using for sex, because he did wait for a year, but who is to say that he hadn't cheated on you. I wouldn't give it up anymore. It sounds like maybe the bad out weighted the good. I have been in your situation and I put up for it for a year and I am glad that I got out of it. Everything you said has happened to me. There are guys out there who will treat you better and give you respect. It might take a few to find him but it takes time. But get out get out of it, because you are better than putting up with his stuff.
2007-02-04 11:55:03 · answer #4 · answered by jennisea04 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but he's using you. Not necessarily just for the sex, but he is definately a user. Trust me, I've been in relationships with people like that & no amount of things in common or good feelings that happen in those relationships make it worth putting up with all the bad ****. Trust is the most important thing to have in a healthy relationship and honey, you don't have that with this guy. Make sure you have really good social support, tell people you're going to dump him & if you think you might weaken when he starts pleading for another chance, ask your friends & family to hold you accountable. When I didn't have social support I took one of my exes back & the lies & stealing came back into what we had after about a month of what felt like that he changed. Unless a miracle happens, he won't change. You deserve more than this and you should not have to compromise your values to feel loved.
2007-02-04 11:53:28 · answer #5 · answered by Gryphontyr 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Taking a break will only give him an excuse to sleep with other women, which I'm sure he is already...since he pressures you so much to have sex, and you say you've only slept together on very few occasions...I don't mean to be rude, but you'd be stupid to stay with him any longer. Making you pay for gas money, smoking weed and keeping it a secret, and getting angry with you so much all are signs of a controlling and insecure relationship. You need to end it now..there are some amazing guys in this world, and he is scum.
2007-02-04 11:51:32 · answer #6 · answered by xoxo_sexy_biatch_xoxo 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
is he treating you badly .. YES very and no guy should ever do that, he has no right and yes you should end it with him, even though you can tell him everything and talk to him about everything there are more guys like that out there and I'm sure you'll find one just like him but better, and from the way your putting it sounds like he is using you for sex and again that is so wrong. If i was you I'd drop him, because even though he might say he'll change and as much as you want him to, you have to come to the realization that he won't, i hope i help and i seriously hope you do the right thing
2007-02-04 11:54:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
wow, that was long. Ok, yes he is treating you badly. I know that hurts to read, but he is. You shouldnt be with him if he is nothing you really want ,becuase thats what it sounds like. I think you should end it with him, theres better out there. Trust me. I ended a relationship with a bad guy and all along it ended up that my best guy freind was intrested in me that way and now we are dating and happy. And he cuold just be using you for the sex, and could be cheating on you from the way it sounds. I wuoldnt trust him if i were you , and its not a good relationship at all if you cant trust someone. If i were in your situation, i would break up with him, takea break fomr dating for a while to heal and then start dating again. But dont mope around, go out and have fun, hang out with your freinds, have a great time. Good luck.
2007-02-04 11:52:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Honey, have you even re-read what you wrote here?
I know that feeling of being so in love with a person - you can be blind to their other faults, or forgive them for hurting you because they are nice to you when you are alone together.
This guy is not treating you with any respect. If he loved you he would make an effort for you on the things that are important to you - like your prom.
He is treating you REALLY REALLY HORRIBLY BADLY.
Please, please, please, END IT NOW.
If a person complains about how long it took you to have sex with him, then doesn't want to respect your desire to abstain, then yes, to me that sounds like he is using you for sex. If he's in love with you, and wants you for you, then he will respect your choices. Pressuring girls for sex is for assholes.
Don't just take a break. Make a break. Leave him and never return. He'll be happy enough with his weed and his booze and his grandparents friends to entertain. You deserve better.
I wouldn't waste another second on him if I were you. Go out and buy the books - "Its called a breakup because its broken" and "he's just not that into you" they will change your life.
Good luck.
2007-02-04 11:57:49 · answer #9 · answered by Smiliegirl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
QUESTIONS:….
-Is he treating me REALLY BADLY? Yes, he is. He's not respecting who you are or what you believe. Which he should be. He should definetly be respecting you for you.
-should I end it with him. Yes, because this is never going to change no matter what you do.
-Is he using me for sex? Yes, he is a horny teen boy that knows he can get it from you with out having to do much for it. No offense, but I'm sure he sees this as an easy lay.
-Should I just take a break?Yes.
-what would you do in my situation? I was in kinda in your situation a few months ago. I'm 22 so its a lil different, but not by much. I loved him alot. But he wanted to smoke weed. I'm very anti-drugs. But he still did it and always swore that it would not last forever. Well it kept happening. We were together for a while. We even lived together. I began to realize its never going to change and it is not something I can or want to live with. So I broke up with him and moved out. Yes, I still miss him alot. But I know me and him will never work because we have very different morals. He'll never change his, and I'll never change mine.
2007-02-04 11:56:41 · answer #10 · answered by gi_jane_kicks_ass 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋