i dont live with my dad, so he always wants to take me and my litle brother out, even wen we're realy tired and its a schoolday. and if we tell him so he gives us guilt-trips/gets angry. i woke up this morning w/ a sore throat so when he called today and told me that he had a sore throat i just joked around and said "gr, u got me sick" and he started yelling @ me, accusing me of siding w/ my mom, gave me guilt trip and hung up.i kno i mite be wrong but it just gets me kinda frustrated wenever he hides the truth from us and takes us out anyway (and he knew he was sick alredy when he took us out the day b4 me & my bro got sick, he just didnt tell us). and i get yelld @/blamed by my mom and my dad wenever i go out wit any one of em, or if my lil bro gets sick, like its al my fault. bc of that i cant tell if i realy am selfish and its my fault for certain things or if my parents are just not acting lik how responsible parents shud? what do u guys think?
2007-02-04 11:26:19 · 11 answers · asked by neffyiffy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Because it needs to be said again!
It's NOT your fault!
Do you have Aunts or Uncles who you feel close to? In my experience with family, the persons who can put me in my place fastest is my Sister or my Brothers. Or if your Grandparents carry any weight with your Parents, they might be able to help.
Your parents may not realize what this behavior is doing to you and your brother. They may be so focused on the hurt inside themselves that they feel the need to hurt the person who hurt them. Unfortunately, you and your brother are the most convenient method.
I liked the suggestion to print this question and all the answers and give to both your parents. Plan it so they have time to read it, blow up about it , calm down , and think about what was said before they see you or your Brother.
p.s. Find an adult to talk to. Just someone who will listen. It helps!
Good luck!
2007-02-12 05:54:48 · answer #1 · answered by maj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First know that this is not your fault.
Calling a family meeting probably won't help.
Does your Mother know about this? If so does she put her foot down or is she intimidated by him?
Do you have a church where you attend even if you don't most churches have counselors that you could start to see and then maybe you can have some assistance in getting your parents to open a door to change.
Your parents need to grow up but it is not your job to teach them but perhaps you can find a counselors that may be able to assist with leading you and eventually your family on a better path towards a better lifestyle.
2007-02-10 23:16:47 · answer #2 · answered by Meeee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well sometimes being the kid of separated parents is really difficult.
It sounds like he just calls up whenever he wants to come get you.....then you have no preparation time to know he is coming, etc.
So I think you could ask that you want to know ahead the day he is planning to come...and you probably could ask for it not be a school day. You have some say too.
You have to understand that he wants to spend time with you or he wouldn't bother to come...and it isn't easy for him either.
But communicating with him and with your mom that you don't want to be surprised and want to plan on what days he will be there should be something they will listen to. Also your brother should agree with you ......
Perhaps things would work better if he came on the weekends and spent time with you. You are not responsible that your parents don't get along....and you need to work at building a good relationship with each of them in a way you enjoy.
But talk to him and your Mom in a calm way...not yelling or demanding your rights....just communicating how it makes you
feel and what you would like to do. When everyone gets mad, nothing gets solved. So think about what you want to say first.
Taking your anger out on either of them doesn't work either.
2007-02-08 23:16:20 · answer #3 · answered by samantha 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like someone in this family needs some parenting skills!!!! Don't let either of them put you on a guilt trip for something you had no part in-- try agreeing with them, see how that works, nothing else has.
The best thing if it would go over is talking to them both about going to counseling before they have messed up kids becoming messed up adults-- you don't deserve that!!!
Good Luck and Hang in there!!!
2007-02-04 19:43:51 · answer #4 · answered by "Hooks" 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Geeze, who's the child here? Shame on your dad for taking his frustration out on you and your brother. You need to print out this letter (both yours and all the answers) and let your parents see them. Maybe that will wake them up. You are not being selfish, you are a child dealing with two adults who can't get along, and none of this is your fault. I know your dad is trying to be there for you. If he didn't care, he wouldn't call. He's just not sure what to do I think. Really, you should print out this letter and show them. Good luck.
2007-02-08 23:34:32 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all i am sorry you are being put thru this but you need to understand that it is not your fault.
your father needs to some serious growing up and take responsibility for his actions. he sounds as though he is in denial and still angry over the split.
parents sometimes act stupid. they get so angry at each other, and are so busy trying to blame each other for everything that has gone wrong that they forget what they are doing to their children.
i am sure i am not the only one here who can say i've been thru it. my parents split up and she was so busy trying to make sure he stayed miserable for the rest of his life, and he was so busy trying to make sure he didn't have to pay any support, that they both forgot what they were doing to us kids! and trying to tell them just made it worse.
my only suggestion is to go to someone you trust, your pastor, teacher, counsellor, and talk to them. perhaps they can intercede on your behalf and make your parents see reason.
just try to stay cool, and hang in there, eventually it does get sorted out and life will get better.
i'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you and saying a little prayer!
take good care
s.b.
2007-02-11 01:15:07 · answer #6 · answered by tess 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Always remember that none of this your fault! You are not to blame. Maybe call a family meeting (if you can) and tell both of your feuding parents how this affecting you and that it really isn't fair that you have to take sides. Sometimes childrens' feelings are the greatest of eyeopeners for blinded parents. Its not your fault.
2007-02-04 19:53:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Parents sometimes use their children against the other parent and sometimes aren't able to
take responsibility for their own faults.
Sounds like both your parents have a problem with being adults.
You need to talk to them together and tell them how they make you feel.
If they don't listen please go to your school counselor and talk to them. They might give you
some input.
You need some good support.
2007-02-11 10:37:07 · answer #8 · answered by CANDY L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your dad seems to have guilty feelings him self. It seems like his blaiming you for things in the relationship between your mom and him. I would tell him that if he keeps guilt tripping you and putting blaim on you thats not your fault that your going to refuse to see him.
2007-02-04 19:34:42 · answer #9 · answered by flesh_of_daisy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he has no right to send you on a guilt trip when they start blaming the other parent tell them you don't want to hear the grievance's toward your other parent
2007-02-12 14:17:57 · answer #10 · answered by Dawn S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋