What is the solution for a noisy toddler in church?

Question

I go to mass every week with my two boys, who are 2 years and 4 months. My husband does not come with me. My toddler is sometimes loud and disruptive. We do sit in the deaf section, but some people still say he is too loud. My parish does not have a "cry room"
My husband thinks I should leave the toddler home, but I don't like that idea.
A friend of mine thinks I should let him eat during mass, but I don't like that any better, not only for spiritual reasons, but also because I don't want him thinking he can get treats if he misbehaves or thinking that he should snack whenever he is bored.
Another friend thinks we should go sit in the hallway, instead of in the pews.
Our priest did not put a cry room in because he thinks children should be part of our community, but it seems that we are starting to disrupt the community regardless. And it can be hard to keep an active toddler still and quiet while also watching an infant.

I'd like ideas on how to handle this.

Answer 1

Jehovah's Witnesses don't seperate their little ones from the adults, ever. The Bible says to train up a child in the way he should go.. and you can't do that if the little ones are never exposed to sitting quietly for long periods of time or listening. My youngest daughter had trouble sitting still for years at the Kingdom Hall, and we tried all sorts of tricks. Now she is a lovely, bright, contributing member of our congregation, but it took work, just like teaching a child to tie his shoes, or to eat alone.
Practice at home. Have quiet times, when everyone has to be quiet. They have to sit still, and read or draw, but they have to be quiet and still. Start out with 2 or 3 minutes first, as your oldest is only 2. Let him have his own Bible story book, or an old study Bible of yours to look at. Every few days, add a minute or two, and before you know it, he will be attentive and quiet for 1/2 hour! In your services, let him have a tablet and pencil or crayon (one or two taken in your bag) and let him draw you a picture of Adam and Eve, or the garden of Eden. He can do 'kid' things, and be with you and the other adults the whole time. Little by little, get them interested in what the service is about. When my youngest was little, I would give her my old study Bible and a highlighter and let her underline or highlight the names Jesus and Jehovah anytime she saw it in the Bible. She could be still for up to an hour that way! And we answer questions as a congregation during several of our meetings, so we arranged for her 'answer' to be early in the service, and then she would fall asleep. As she got older, and could stay awake longer, we would make her answer later in the service, and before she was 3 she was staying awake for the whole two hour service!
Just keep working with them and if anyone gives you any dirty looks for loud children, tell them sweetly that they are YOUR work in progress just as we are GOD'S! What can they say to that?!?

Answer 2

Practice sitting quietly when at home. There really is no reason why a child should run amok anywhere, but sometimes, in a culture that values "self-esteem" over "self-discipline," it is hard for the child to understand that there are expected standards of behaviour.

Once toddler knows how to sit quietly in a chair, teach him to sit quietly on your lap. that way there will be some variety for a child who has probably been raised with television and is unable to keep an attention span of more than 30 seconds without the scene changing constantly.

Bring a book - either one he likes from home, or a special one that he can only have in church. And be sure that when you are reading to him every day (you do read to him every day, right?) that he sits quietly and looks at the pictures with you.

Teach him the hymns you sing in church so he can join in. I've heard adults who can't sing well, so don't worry if he can't stay in key..

There is no excuse as, "an active toddler." Active is good when it is appropriate. Sitting and listening is also good. What do you do at dinner time? Let him run around the room screaming while you feed the baby?

Perhaps you just don't realize that you are teaching him all the time -- if you accept disruptive behaviour in some circumstances, how is a toddler going to know his limits. It may be tough at first -- which is why I said practice at home -- but eventually he will thank you for teaching him self-control

Answer 3

The priest made a decision, not you:
"Our priest did not put a cry room in because he thinks children should be part of our community"
If it is a disruption that bothers enough people then HE should do something about it. Otherwise, this is what he wanted.

A second choice would be to find a church that 1) does not mind children; 2) has a cry room; or 3) provides day care; or 4) has a separate smaller session for parents with small children.

Answer 4

I do not know you and I am not of your faith, but I just want to say that you are to be highly commended for your stand and for your very important question. It is unfortunate that your husband does not join you to help with his children and to train them up properly with you, but sadly this is often the case. Your anxiety about the situation is understandable and, as others have stated, the toddler stage will pass and hopefully things will improve.
You are right not to leave your son at home and it is not advisable to start trying to "feed" the issue away; that, at best, would be only a temporary fix. It sounds like you have been proactive and tried about all you know to do. I applaud you, Mom!
Best advice: Again go to the priest and ask him for a solution if he believes your child has been an interruption. I concur with his comment that your child should be treated as part of the church and not isolated. It is just so difficult to keep a toddler tied down for long.
Do not be embarrassed about this. For those who might be giving you "looks" or even complaining, ask THEM how THEY would handle the problem...how THEY handled it when their own children were small. You may get some interesting answers, and then perhaps some peace.

Answer 5

Sweetie, I've been there. Kids need to be entertained. If your parish doesn't have a cry room, or a children's mass (which is often more entertaining then normal mass), it's up to you to keep your kid quiet. Bring religious books (my picture bible or something) or let him eat something, hold on to him or, if he's really disruptive, take him outside for small periods of time. It is rather silly to expect your son to sit still for an hour at this age. Give him something to do, Explain the mass to him so maybe he'll pay more attention.

Answer 6

Don't go? Seriously, can you only worship your god at a church is not your god everywhere. Also try setting up a toy corner or room for young children, with games and get people to take turn in looking after them. I mean kids are supposed to be part of the church worship so of course they are going to be noisy. Also if the church is hot, can they leave a door open and open windows, bring in fans etc? try working to solve the problems. Also start a bible study or fellowship at your home or in the park. Or do not go.

Answer 7

You should never take a child in the sanctuary that will not behave. If your church does not have a nursery and you can not leave the child with someone-then do not go to church until this can be controlled.
If you can not manage your toddler now, what will you do when he gets older? Discipline in seriously lacking here, you first-then the child. Your priest is a dumb one also for encouraging this. Grow up-take some responsibility. Better yet, turn this problem over to your husband.

Answer 8

From a practical standpoint, your two year old may still be too young to get any real benefits from going to church.

Leave at least one of the kids home with hubby and give your undivided attention to the other one.

You might also consider enlisting the help of another family, who might be able to lend you a 9 or 10 year old to help keep your 2 year old quiet and out of trouble, during Mass.

Alternatively, you might want to prevail upon your husband to "step up" and go to Mass with his family. Then he can take charge of one of the kids, while you handle the other.

Contrary to popular opinion these days, God has always charged the husband with the responsibility of providing spiritual leadership for the family.

Answer 9

If your husband is willing to care for him at home, then leave him at home. You wouldn't take a 2-year old to a political rally and expect him to pay attention. Why would you subject him to a Mass and expect any different. In time he'll be able to make up his own mind, choose his own faith through your guidance, and perhaps he'll attend quietly. In the meantime, what on earth do you expect from a two year old? He wants to be a two year old! Let him!
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Answer 10

I don't have children myself, so I don't know what I would do. However, I can say that my parents, would take us out into the restroom and tear our behinds up and when we stopped crying we were taken back into church and we didn't act up anymore. That of course, was back in the day when parents could spank their children without fear of being arrested. Perhaps you should speak with your priest about this and get his perspective on the matter.