Do you know any jokes?

Question

Please help me because if i dont get any good jokes my boss is going to fire me!!!Please. Thank You.

Answer 1

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I
don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on
table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.

I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with
my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules.
Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night......... whether you're

here or not."

Answer 2

Why is 6 afraid of 1.

Answer 3

I've never really knowen any,but I'll bet there're funny people.How would you like to have that last name,and not be funny?Look up in the sky it's a bird it's a plane,opps it's a bird.

Answer 4

Do THESE help you, thy desperate creature?

Blonde jokes:

A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box.

She keeps doing this until her neighbour asks her why she is doing that.

The blonde replies "My computer keeps telling me that i've got mail".

~~~~~

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

~~~~

Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".

Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

~~~~

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

~~~~

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.

The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.

She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"


~~~~

Did you hear about the blonde who took a book out of the library called How to Hug, only to discover that it was volume seven of the encyclopedia?



~~~~

blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up.

The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt.

"Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?"

~~~

Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves.

They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one. They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one.

The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out. The dog didn't work. No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands.

They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion, �Okay, we'll give him one more try.

We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!�

Answer 5

A crazy man on a plane runs to the bathroom, pulls out the toilet, and throws it off the plane. Why?

Because he's crazy!

Answer 6

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"


*shrug*

Answer 7

Ya but they are very offensive.... hehe.... If you aren't "politically correct" or easily offended, don't hesitate to email me and I'll give you some.

Answer 8

Ok
I know one joke
What is the oldest animal?

THE answer is THE COW BECAUSE IT IS BLACK AND WHITE

Isn't this joke fun

Answer 9

iight here some:
Statment:your the only girl i ever cared about
What it really means is: your the only girl who hasn't rejected me

Answer 10

yes