Why is age such an issue to a man in a relationship? I met this guy who is 20 years older than me, but we hit it off so well, then he finds out my age and kind of backs off. Then he comes back and says he is falling for me and that he just doesnt understand how that could happen because of my age---he works with young adults my age with his occupation and never thought he would ever have feelings for someone so young and the same age of the people he worked with everyday. Age doesnt matter to me, he doesnt bring it up to often but I constantly wonder if he holds back because in his mind I am young. We talk about "our" future as if we could make it, I love thinking about spending the rest of my life with him.......What should I do in this situation? -Just stop thinking about his concerns unless he doesnt bring them up, -Fall in love with him and hope it goes somewhere,-Or give up before I get hurt?
2007-02-04 09:23:43 · 18 answers · asked by getoffmyback 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He may think that it is not fair on you to be dating someone so much older, or he may think that the age difference is so much that it wont work out well. Other option is that he is concerned about what people will say about him dating you, that people will think he is a dirty old man or something along those lines. Just be honest with him and let him know that you really want to try things with him, and see what he says. If its no then move on and find someone who thinks you are worthwhile. Good Luck,
2007-02-04 09:27:51 · answer #1 · answered by PleaseNoMoreNumbers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There ARE younger and older who find each other QUITE attractive and that is because of aBody Cycle good match-up, but the reality of it all is that the older man cannot "keep up" with his younger girlfriend and in less time than either would like to even think about, there would be one very old man with a mega-frustrated wife who would be looking elsewhere for what she so desperately would need. I knew such a couple and it was a Pathetic Scene when he became crippled and wheel-chair-bound. She was beside herself, as well, BY herself.
My Advice to both would be to go fish in other waters. Both find someone you own AGE, who is also a good Cycle Match and be happy. He's lonely and fantacizing, knowing full-well that it CAN'T last and YOU are having a beautiful dream from a Story Book in your Childhood. Sorry. (The Truth BITES)
2007-02-04 09:36:49 · answer #2 · answered by Alan H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The rule of thumb is a man should divide his age by 2 and add 7, and not date anyone younger than that. So, it all depends on your relative ages. If he is 28 and you are 8, that's obviously inappropriate because 28/2+7 = 21, and you are too young. However, if he is 88 and you are 68, that's ok because 88/2+7 = 51, and you're old enough. I calculate he needs to be about 54, since 54/2+7 = 34, so the math would obviously work. If he's not 54, you should wait to date him until he is.
2007-02-04 09:32:41 · answer #3 · answered by Ron 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend is 17 years older than me, I can tell you what it's like. BTW, I'm in my thirties. If you're in your teens or early twenties, don't waste your time on old farts, trust me!!
I know you're in la-la-love-land right now, but think about the reality: he's older. He will keep getting older. Think of how old you will be when he's 50, 60, 70. Now think of how old your parents and grandparents are. Picture living the same lifestyle as your parents and grandparents... but at a much younger age. Whatever age he is at is the age you will have to live like you're that age too - even if he's young of mind.
Will he be retiring by the time you finish you education or just starting the height of you career? If he wants to retire and travel, but you're stuck in a job and can't go, it will cause conflict.
Also, him being older means he will likely get sick with heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, impotence, cancer, etc. while you're still in the prime of your life. You're friends will be travelling to exotic locations, lying on the beach with a pina colada and you'll be freaking out in the hospital while your true love is clinging to his life while undergoing a quadruple by-pass. Age difference are not easy. And the older they get, the more tired they get. He will be going to bed at 8pm and you'll be ready to party until 4am - it'll cause problems.
Also, he's less likely to want to have kids if he's older, so if you want a family, find someone young.
The verdict: if the age difference is an issue already, give it up now before it hurts more.
2007-02-04 09:50:17 · answer #4 · answered by Mmmmm 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A 20 year gap is huge when you are young. On the other hand, I'm 46 and find 26 year olds very attractive sometimes. The thing is that with that much age difference, you are at different stages in your life. I know at 26 there is no way I would have wanted to be with a woman that was 46. It would have been very much an Ewwwwww yuck! moment. I have to believe that most 26 year old women would have that same reaction to me and I don't blame them. I wonder if he's feeling the same way?
2007-02-04 09:34:30 · answer #5 · answered by J D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he is just so used to working with the young adults he works with and the work-related feelings that come with that (perhaps he sees them more like kids?), that he can't release that part of his mentality when he is around you. hopefully that made some sort of sense, it is hard to explain.
i wouldn't do any of the things you suggest. i would *talk* to him and see if you can find out why the age difference is such a big thing for him. you may find answers you are able to work with him on. if he can't get over the reasons he gives, you might want to try to move on, but if you can work with him to overcome his fears and adverse feelings, you may have something to get into.
2007-02-04 09:30:29 · answer #6 · answered by elly r 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If age does not remember to you, then you might desire to only flow forward. the faster you do it, the faster you hit upon out if it is the courting for you. i don't think of human beings be attentive to what they choose or do not choose till they're forced to respond to that query. specifically circumstances, it may sense such as you made a mistake... yet how else are you going to earnings? so I say choose for it, yet be genuine to what your feeling is and don't compromise by any ability.. meaning if age is an argument for you, then only be honest and get out. anybody is distinctive and to a pair, age won't be an argument, yet you are the guy who has to stay with it. So do not fool your self into questioning which you're somebody else.
2016-09-28 10:22:51 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it could work, but equally you need to consider some things..
Like when you are 30 he will be 50... and so it goes on... he has had his life now.. yours is just begining by the sound of things, i assume you are dreaming of a home and children of your own and things like that...
he may not want to do things like that because he already has...
ask him serious questions.. otherwise I would say he is feeling very flattered that a young and lovely person is so interested in him.
good luck..
your decision has to be your own... your gut will tell you the right thing to do. trust your self!
2007-02-04 09:30:56 · answer #8 · answered by millibb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's your age? I'm 22 and dating a guy 37 - age is not that big a deal, as long as you have things in common and are both financially independant.
2007-02-04 09:28:22 · answer #9 · answered by ♫Hope♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
everyone should have a chance to have children. unless that's not an issue. you should at least bring it up in the beginning of any relationship or else people get hurt once they fall !! peace
2007-02-04 09:32:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋