Why do parents always make the oldest child try to raise their (the parents) children?

Question

My stepdad does this and it gets on my nerves! It also makes me feel impatient with him and his kids because they are very wild and noisy, especially at bedtime. It makes me think that
I might as well become his children's parents,
and I'm only a teen! I can't raise them. And I hate my stepdad so much. All he wants to do is watch TV and go to sleep. He almost never wants to spend time with his kids!

Well not always, but I hope you know what I mean.

Answer 1

You need to put your foot down on this, and tell your parents (especially your stepdad) that his kids are HIS problem!

It doesn't matter if he got a job and he is tired, that's just too bad for him. The kids are HIS and HE should be dealing with them. That's his job as a parent. You are a kid yourself, not a nanny or a maid, and your job is to go to school, get good grades, and have fun, not raise somebody else's children.

Answer 2

Age plays a factor, but not the whole story. If your lazy, your lazy, age isn't always the culpriut. The argument is that younger parents dont' have as much life experience as older folks, which is GENERALLY true, but some younger parents may have experienced far more than most people thier age; making them very knowledgable. Converesely, some older parents may not have done much w/thier lives, making them less knowledgable. The key is the realtionship w/the children, family dynamics, maturity of the parents (regardless of age), and parenting stlye.

Answer 3

I think it usually happens more with blended families. My hubby practically raised his "half" sister too. There's a 10 year age difference between then and her father travels constantly for work and is rarely home for more than a 3 day stretch. His mother is a wonderful woman but has health problems and did the best she could but needed help. And when her husband wasn't there for the family her son just stepped up to the plate. If your step-dad and mother are at home and capable of caring for your siblings....then just flat out go on strike. Make a table of all the things you do down to the minute for every single day. Take it to your mother and voice your objections. Tell her quite simply that you can't discipline your own siblings because you ARE siblings and that's causing them to be out of control and an adult needs to step in. If nothing else works just start counting down the days until you're 18. That's what my hubby did...and now we schedule our visits so that his step dad won't be home. It's not permanent so just hold on.

Answer 4

Parents do this because they don't really know what to do. My mom does-did the same(I'm also in my teen years), I know exactly what you're saying and it is a major pain. You can either try to do something about and try to get him involved in his kid's lives or you can put up with it and one day he'll thank you for all you've done.

I tried the first and got stuck with the 2nd choice.

Good luck! I'm sure the kids love you. Just have patience, I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 5

It's called oldest child syndrome sweetie-I know it seems this way but step dad has a job right ? he may be tired so it is easy for him to ask you because he probaly views you as mature and responsible enouph to do this. However talk to your mom and him about this tell them you feel overwhelmed sometimes with all these request. Do it at a quiet time of the day and be as calm as you can be.

Answer 6

ALWAYS? Most parents never do that.
I am really sorry that your stepdad put the burden on you.
Talk to your mother and to your school counselor or a person you trust. You are not supposed to be a parent to kids that are not yours, especially at such a young age, and you need to confront your stepdad about it

Answer 7

I bet it started like this:

Hey can you watch the kids for a little while?....SURE

This convo was once a week.....then 3 times a week.....then once a day.....and now it's just assumed.

The word you use is NO. When he watches TV....plop his kids in front of him and go do what YOU want to do. After he married your mom....he saw you as a free pass

Answer 8

ALWAYS? That's your step dad, not most parents

Sure the oldest child has more responsibilities but they aren't ALWAYS raising the other children. I didn't (oldest of 6) and my son didn't (oldest of 4)

Talk to your mom

Answer 9

well i'm the oldest out of three kids and i hate it when i try to play with them like picking them up and tickling them but they start to cry to get me in trouble then my parents blame it on me.

Answer 10

lots of parents make the oldest one take care of the younger one,when it should be their responsibility,I do agree that you should help out sometime.Tell your mom how you feel about your step-father kids he should be helping to. maybe she will understand how you feel.